Dreams shattering, do you honestly know how that feels? Has the one thing you ever you ever wanted the most been dangled in your face, then ripped away suddenly; like a relentlessly tormenting dog owner wagging a treat above their dog? The destruction of your dreams is the psych-shattering wave the one thing you hold of value: hope. It's as if the entire world stomped on your body (without a hint of mercy), attempting to crush the very life out of you. Well I have felt this type of destruction, and it doesn't surprise me. The world is a cruel place. I just have to be crueler.
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Moneypowerglory, how are you? This is wisegirl22, I would love to review this.
Good luck on the path of life; it's not safe to go alone. Take this! *shoves pencil into hands* Byezeez!
The first thing that my sharp eyes caught was that this typo,
"Has the one thing you ever you ever wanted..."
was not supposed to be here. Take out the second you ever and you're fit to go.
And I advise you, in this line, to separate this into two sentences, put a period after "wave" and you'll do completely fine.
"The destruction of your dreams is the psych-shattering wave the one thing you hold of value: hope."
And next, we have a comma after "Well".
"Well I have felt this type of destruction..."
I really loved the last line, and I think there is nothing in this piece that can overcome it. Your point was clear, and I have had that dangling hope. I have wanted a puppy since forever, but no. No computer or electronic device, either.
-wisegirl22
Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Happy Review Day! Let's see what we have here.
You did a great job on this essay, I have to say, but for me it is so short. You could totally expand on your view points with this article! You could express a lot of things here! Also, even though there isn't a place to put it in, this could make a great speech. You could be like Martin Luther King, with his I have a Dream Speech. It would make people just as heart felt. The stuff that you put into here is great, I can feel that you care about this topic a lot! You may have and should have(everyone goes through it) gone through something like this.
You spelling and grammar is great! *high fives you* You stay on point, driving this message inside my head. Why hasn't anyone liked this? *likes* Your metaphors and similes really fit into here. Not many people today, could create something as serious as this. Most of them would burst into some random joke at the end. I think that one thing that you could do is tell a story in which you went through this or maybe you found someone else that has went through this. Try to prove this even more. People sometimes want to see if what you are saying applies to them and metaphors and similes just don't work. Overall, great job! Have a nice review day! Keep calm and keep writing!
by Team Rocket.
Hey there, moneypowerglory! First of all, this is really short, but in a good way. I honestly don't know how you would make this into something really long, like a thousand words, or even one that was five hundred words long. Second of all, I think that almost anyone could relate to this, and for many different reasons. It could be someone who had been saving up for something that they really wanted for years, only to have the price suddenly go up, or it could be someone who just didn't get what they wanted on Christmas. Thirdly, and lastly, you repeated the words "you ever" twice in the second sentence. Other than that one little mistake, you did really good. Keep writing, because this is great. 4.9 out of five.
Hasta la vista,
DeltaEcho
Thanks for the coolbeans review delta echo!
Wow! This is a very short story that most people can relate to. It is a bit sad, but when you read it, you go into depth. The way you wrote it, it's amazing. It is very powerful since you used so much depth. And if you have had your dreams crushed, you can PM me or anyone. We all can help. Just anyways, amazing short story. Keep on writing and never give up.
-Unknown391625
Thanks for the review and thanks for the support. The people on this site are always so nice.
I know how this feels, actually. Well, I suppose I do. It broke me for a little while, and I'm still not better, but I'm recuperating. You have to use that anger as fuel!
But I would say that the premise of your piece, that to beat the world you must be crueler than it, is not true. In fact I don't think the world is a cruel place, I think people are cruel. The world is neutral. (Although that's probably what you meant).
Some sentences seem a bit weird like,
"I have felt this type of destruction, and it doesn't surprise me."
I don't know. That sentence just doesn't really work for me.
The sentence is leading up to me showing how the word is a cruel place. You know, since the world is a cruel place, I'm not surprised that it's being mean to me, you know?
Very powerful writing here! I felt a lot of emotion in this piece, I only a couple sentence structure errors. For example, "One thing you ever you ever" I wasn't sure if you meant to repeat it to emphasize it more. Also, after wave there is a pause. Other than that nice work!
Lol, yea that grammar gets me every time since I write it from my tablet. Thanks for the review.