It is a modern day,
A kind of different age,
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey! Che here for a quick review
I liked this poem!
It spoke the truth, and I thought that the odd structure and rhyme scheme/meter actually added to the point you were trying to make.
I really wish it was longer! I can see this being a really impactful piece of poetry if it was a little longer.
Overall, I loved it
Regards, che
Hello! Welcome to YWS. Hopefully you're finding your way around alright.
I like how your poem has a sort of rhythm to it despite its length and odd-numbered line count. My favorite part here is how the rhymes themselves feel so natural. Also the simplicity of the piece almost kinda backs up the "modern day" idea. In fact, it'd be awesome to see that mentioned in your piece.
I'd probably recommend lengthening this to be honest! I feel like there is so much more that could be said which could help bring this message home. Why is this a different age than others? Surely there were past generations that "didn't try" as well. It's perfectly human. So what sets the modern day apart from the past? This is really an excellent opportunity for some imagery or metaphors!
While the second line sounded random to me, I like what you did with the third and fourth line. A nice break there after allowing things to "pass us by" which leads right into the "give up" line. It flowed rather well.
All in all, it would make this piece more powerful with a little more added to it. It's an excellent start though, a promising idea requiring a little more execution, but very achievable.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!