The Darkness Inside

Hey, nice poem. I like your concept of one hiding their inner turmoils.

You act your bit.

Quite a brilliant line to end it upon. I can't claim great knowledge in the structure of poetry, but I can say that the exploration of darkness has become quite a hackneyed subject. I wonder if in our post-Emo/Hardcore days, the topic of darkness has begun to lose it's impact? Perhaps juggle your concepts around, rearrange your line of thought, the way you see something. Think of Sylvia Plath's 'Whiteness I Remember' - Whiteness representing death. An interesting motiff.
Anyway, keep writing.

Hi. I am here to review your work. This is a very good poem. I like it. Well now let us begin from the beginning.

Firstly, the poem looks ill-sorted. At first the poem starts with one or two words and then suddenly the last two stanzas are complete sentences. This makes the poem look a bit untidy. You can change that by gradually increasing the number of words in each stanza.

Secondly, I don't know why you did that but because of the lack of words like and,etc. Your poem becomes a bit hard to understand. In the third stanza, You wrote 'Insane, smiling.' but here it is not clear and one can take it as insanely smiling and others may take it as insane and smiling. both of them has different meaning and you might want to clear up such mistakes.

Thirdly, you have not punctuated the poem properly. Some parts look as if a full stop was needed in there and others looked as if it were not complete. This is not a very good thing. however working on it to improve will surely help.

Fourthly, I just went on telling what I don't like now didn't I? Well, now let us look towards the last two stanzas. in these two it looks like you are a complete different person altogether!! Because you see in the first three stanzas, you were too vague and too short. But all of a sudden you become all normal and precise and you drop out that vagueness. This a bad thing as the flow of the poem was disrupted.

And lastly, I just loved the last two stanzas. They were quite rhythmic and flowing. The other stanzas will also look good if you work on them that is.

I have even come up with a modified version of your poem.
Take a look at it if you will. It may help. (No offense. Just wanted to help.)

{It is just plain torture.
The darkness within
Keeps on screaming
and growling in pain.

It writhes and struggles,
In that never ending darkness.
(Bound,
escaping.

Inside you,
the darkness.
Insane,
smiling.)- This part does not make sense to me so I could not modify it.

Others may think you are only light,
but they don't know how you endlessly fight.
Raging inside you is a battle.
A cage,where contestants are,
Holding back their darkest rage.

You go about every day,
nobody knows you've got more to say.
Inside you is the blackest pit,
yet you play along and act your bit.}

Keep writing. Never give up and always enjoy writing.
-Erza