This is really good.
It gives a really good mind movie and i really like that. Its like i dont have to work so hard to get what you mean!
Keep writing!!!
Fly On~ Raven
Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, not even me. I wasn't a pretty face, or extreme brain, I wasn’t anything more than average, but for some reason he chose me. Maybe I had that gleam in my eye that said "choose her, she's a Christian": but then again maybe they just knew. There's not a single soul that cam look into their minds, but I can tell you what I saw.
It was a day like any other when I sat down in the library. I opened up my notebook and began writing about an act of Macbeth for English. I had only been in the library when I heard it, "pop, pop, pop". I jumped in my seat reacting to the shrill screams that followed. Mrs. McGuire rushed in and told us to hide: she said that there were shooters in the school. My heart pounded out of my chest, as my eyes filled with tears and my palms got sweaty. I climbed underneath my study desk, crawled into a ball and began to cry.
After that moment my mind gets fuzzy. Some say I was praying, others say I wasn't doing anything. All I remember is seeing them walk in and begin shooting. After each shoot they would congratulate each other, and then move on, soon I recognized them. They were two seniors Eric and Dylan. I began to tremble, how could my own classmates do this? As they got closer my face went blank, the tears stopped. I wouldn't let them see me cry. Eric asked me if I believed in God and I said yes. That was the last word that would ever leave my mouth before the shot him me and the world passed from me. My young eyes closed forever as they moved on to kill another. My name is Cassie Bernall and I died because I believe.
This is really good.
It gives a really good mind movie and i really like that. Its like i dont have to work so hard to get what you mean!
Keep writing!!!
Fly On~ Raven
Hi!
So, I salute you for writing about Columbine. It's not easy. I just had a couple of things that I wanted to say in regards to this piece. Blink already commented on the aspects of the story itself, and I have to reinforce what he said. This could definitely be proofread, and you have a lot of little mistakes that disrupt the flow. Then there's the story itself, which is severely lacking in both action and emotion. It's really too short to make much of an impression, and I'm not quite sure what your aim is, so try to focus in on that.
Is it to show that Christians are persecuted, capture what it was like to be inside Columbine/tell Cassie's story? If it's the latter, you need to do research. Cassie was indeed a student at Columbine, and she did die in the library, but not because she said she believed in God. It's a myth. She was hiding under the desk when the shooters found her, said "peekaboo," and shot her. There's really not much else to it. The library was full of people at the time that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold entered; in fact, it's where most of the carnage took place. You can find videos and articles on the incident throughout the internet, and they help a lot. (I had to do a report on Columbine for school so). You'll get an idea of what the atmosphere was like, how everyone was confused and terrified.
If it's the former, you would be much better off making this a story with an original character you create. The situation could be similar, but in the end you'd prove your point because the main character would suffer in some way for being christian. That way, you don't have to worry about inaccuracies, and you can just let your imagination and creativity tell the story you want to tell. You can use Columbine as your backdrop if you want (after all, it is your story), but just know that you wouldn't be portraying what happened, and that you're trying to honor someone for something that she didn't know.
That's all I have to say for right now; I'm sorry if I come across as too harsh or snobbish. I think that with a little bit of work you can make this into a compelling and emotional short story. Good luck with your revisions, and feel free to drop me a PM if you have any further questions.
~ Elinor
Hey there! Forgive me if I come across as harsh in this review: I promise that I mean only to help you improve! 
Grammar
Before I get onto the big stuff, let me begin by saying that you've got a lot of spelling mistakes here. I won't go through them all because I'm sure that you're more than capable of finding them yourself or, more easily, running it through a spell-check. Come on. Make it seem like you've put some effort in to it. 
Secondly, I'd really recommend that you work on your comma usage. At the moment, this is jaunty, awkward and rushed. For example:
That was the last word that would ever leave my mouth before the shot him me and the world passed from me.
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