I can do what I want,
Not give A care,
dye my hair.
I can drive to Mexico in the middle of the night,
just to see Tijuana sunlight.
Dance on the tables,
scream till 4 am,
party all night, sleep all day.
I am young,
do what I want,
I can have fun, I can laugh,
forget school, have a blast.
I am young.
I could take a flight to Spain on my college money,
lay on the beach where it's nice and sunny,
I'm young.
I'm young and afraid of the world around me,
but that doesn't stop me from going to a party.
I'll start with something simple,
like playing on the swings.
Work my way up to hanging out downtown,
then how bout a night train up to the water,
splash and smile all the while,
cause I'm young.
Don't have to care about money or hair.
Do what I want without a thought,
I am crazy, loud, reckless, thoughtless, a screwed up mess, I AM YOUNG.
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140,141 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
I liked this! The punctuation certainly helped me understand how you wanted it to be read. I'm not a fan of rhyming, especially when some lines rhyme and then half of it doesn't then it goes back to rhyming (maybe it was accidental rhyming?). My one beef i had with this poem was it focused a ton on 'partying'. Yes, that is part of being young but I found that you focused too much on it. Maybe that's just me?
The ending was one of my favorite parts. It captures all of what you were trying to say. It was a great way to end.Very, very nice. The spontaneous rhyming sorta throws the beat off and alters the flow, making the poem sound awkward. Also, the fact that this poem isn't broken into stanzas makes it seem rushed and sorta just throws it all together. Another thing that would help with this besides breaking it into stanzas is that there's no grammar or punctuation marks. There's really like none at all. This poem needs to have full stops and commas in the right places so that the flow goes better and such. I hoped this review helped and all in all this is a good piece. Keep writing!
-Alex K, putting new meaning to the word "freak" since 1999
This writing is very Ke$ha-ish D: