If one day, on some distant shore,
I find a shell, a perfect shell
with pearly sea-washed pink insides
worn smooth by years of salty tides.
And picking up this treasure -
all gritty, storm wind-blown,
buffered by the glittering sands
yet still intact, unknown -
I place it to my ear and listen,
hear the song within….
No words could ever interpret
the breath of ages gone,
the endless waves a counterpoint
that lingers on, and on.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
This poem takes me to such a peaceful setting. The line "worn smooth by years of salty tides" was particularly beautiful, I loved the image of that in my head. I liked the way you describe the shell and it's significance. I enjoyed the placid mood of this piece and how you didn't trail off topic. I can't see how this can be improved at all. I am very impressed by your talent:). Overwhelmed, really!.
Hi there,
I first read this poem and I really liked it. It was beautifully written and I loved the idea and execution of it.
The lines I especially liked are:
'with pearly sea-washed pink insides
worn smooth by years of salty tides.'
I'm not sure why I liked them lines, I think it just has such believable imagery to them.
Another part I really liked was the very first word. 'If'. I didn't notice it at first, but after re reading it, I realised that all this was just an 'if'. The speaker never found the perfect shell, but we get the idea they're searching for one. It was all just an idea as opposed to reality and it changed the meaning of the poem a little. I get the feeling that this speaker has thought about this moment for so long and it's never happened, which is sort of sad.
Anyway, like I said, I love the execution of this. You've turned such a simple idea into something really quite thought provoking and beautiful. Then, the end is more generalised than the rather specific beginning.
Well done and keep writing,
H.L.P
I love the wording of this and just how awesome it sounds!!
Thank you so much!
This is a very nice poem, and has rather a nice Moomin feel to it!
,
I really liked the lines
"The endless waves a counterpoint
that lingers on and on."
because they induce a feeling of harmony, not just musically, but in general. These are perfect lines to round of this poem, and the subject is one so well known!
Top Notch
Take That You Fiend!
Thank you, TTYF!
I love this poem! The innocence, the peacefulness and the kind of humbling nature of it is very well done! I can almost imagine that I am the person who has discovered the shell and I am in the their mind! Amazing! In fact I only found very few minor things that could be improved, one for example is that you need capital letters at the start of EVERY line not just a few! I also wasn't a fan of this rhyming pattern, although my guess is that you did not intend it to have one. If you did I didn't like the irregular nature of it in contrast to the smoothness of the rest of the poem.
Besides that, amazing poem, loved it! I look forward to seeing it on the spotlight!
Thanks, that's really helpful feedback, Alex. Love your cute avatar, btw.
I don't even know what to say about this poem - it's brilliant. The rhyming is gentle and lilting, like the sound you're describing in it. It's as if someone's breathing the words out - nothing's contrived in any way. Beautiful. I hope this gets more reviews!
This is my favorite part -
"No words could ever interpret
the breath of ages gone,
the endless waves a counterpoint
that lingers on, and on."
Thanks for the lovely review, fictional
You're welcome