Serendipity
(a double haiku)
The first raindrops fell
like accidental crystals
slipped from angels’ hands,
and you don’t believe
in angels, yet the rainbow
still colours the sky.
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
So beautiful!
A lovely, lovely haiku (I laways find them hard to write).
A review for you:
"The first raindrops fell".
Instantly, you've drawn the reader into your poem. You don't introduce the poem, you just dive straight in. You've immidiately got the reader hooked, wanting to know what the poem's about.
"like accidental crystals".
This really made me think about the beauty of rain. The fact that, without event trying, they fall from the sky so perfectly clear and beautiful (like crystals), is incredible.
"slipped from angels’ hands".
There's something decidedly perfect about this line. It's like another "accident"- as though the angels are obliviously dropping perfect crystals on us.
"and you don’t believe".
This line makes the poem feel all the more personal, as though you are addressing the reader individually and drawing them into the poem.
" in angels, yet the rainbow
still colours the sky".
This is such a stunning, subtle end to the poem that it rounds it off perfectly. It's written in such a gentle tone that the piece is a stunning read, and I loved every single line. Great job
This is a beautiful poem. Haikus are very easy to write in a contrived way, but this was definitely not the case here (double haiku is a good idea, by the way).
It sounds almost like a dialogue to me for some reason -
This is, again, a very beautiful poem. It rings true.
Your metaphor is lovely and unusual, and it made me think. The title took me in immediately, being one of my favorite words
*open-minded, quiet person tries to explain something*
*other person says, "No, that's impossible. Blah, blah, blah..."*
*first speaker says something along the lines of this poem, in an even quieter voice*
I hope that makes sense
Thank you for your lovely comment!
Hello, Mina!
RachelLeeAnn here to review!
Let me start off by saying that I have a weakness for haikus. I just think they are so beautiful! And they're sometimes pretty difficult to make smooth and coherent. You've done a good job on this one.
I have a slight nitpick on the technical side:
I feel like these two haikus/stanzas should be split into 2 sentences as well. Also, I think a comma is missing; I could be wrong on that though. I feel changing it into something like this:
I think that may make it flow just a little bit better.
That's just my two-cents worth. ^^ If you disagree, by all means, don't change anything!
Otherwise, this was lovely. Beautiful meaning behind this, beautiful imagery. Fantastic job.
Please, keep writing!
-Rae
Thank you for the suggestions - I think you're right about splitting it into two sentences. I really do think that works better - cheers!
I'm afraid to edit here and now, because it all melded into one block of text last time I tried! Looked horrible, and totally un-haiku-like!! but I will definitely change it once I've figured out how to format properly here.
Thanks!
Hi, This is a really nice poem. In fact,I've read all 3 of your poems here on YWS,and I think they are all incredibly amazing. Keep up the good work! And Welcome to YWS!
Thank you so much!
*claps* hm, beautiful！Simply stunning! I really love haikus but it seems I always fail at them. But you, my dear! Have a way with them. Haikus are always risky poems because they are so short, but you have managed to capture the beauty of nature, and the beauty of rain in just six short sentences. That, I praise you.
You have also written a wonderful opening stanza, it reeled me in instantly.
I think you have done a wonderful metaphor and personification here, they are indeed like accidental crystals. And instead of using the usual-sky, heaven, canvas. You instead, used angels'. That's very clever!
Oh and the next stanza, that corresponds with the first one so nicely! However, I have one little styling suggestion for you.
I think you can add in an 'if' in there, because some people do believe in angels. (points to self) And if you follow that suggestion, get rid of the yet. And then put 'the rainbow' on a separate line. But that's just me, your haiku is fine the way it is.
I also adore your ending line, it sums up the poem in a gentle, colourful and beautiful way! Well done! Keep up the good work!
-S.s
Thank you - that's a good suggestion. I like it.
But it was written with a specific person in mind who is UBER sceptical about anything like that, so it kind of addresses his cynicism, I guess... 
One question, if you don't mind me asking: how do you do that quote thing in your comments? It looks really cool and makes things so clear and easy to read.
Ahhhh...now I see. Oh you do this. [quote] [\quote]. You out words between them like this [quote]blan[\quote]
Aha! Thank you - that is so helpful.
)
(Now I just have to memorise it, haha!