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Journey to a Dream

by mim


This was written when i was 14 so please don't expect perfection. Actually never expect perfection from me! xxx

Journey To A Dream

This may sound strange, maybe even unusual. I want to tell you about my dream - where I take a journey in my mind every night to an unimaginably beautiful place. It doesn t take long to get there; in fact it s only 40 winks away!

I m in a wood; a wood with tall oak trees with dark green leaves surrounding me. They are so high they block the sun light almost totally, but yet a few rays creep through the foliage and guide my way. There is a fresh yet damp smell of bark all around. I know you can t smell anything in a dream but I can imagine the smell almost as if I was there in reality. So close yet so far away, there is the sound of rustling tree leaves and far away bird songs and the flapping of their wings above me. Walking towards an opening in the wood, I can here the cracking and crunching of the leaves under my bare feet, feeling the moisture of the dew kissed grass. I don t know where I m going yet my feet seem to know the path so well, as if the path is familiar to me. I m walking without a destination. As my stroll begins to carry me nearer and nearer to the opening, I can here a distant sound of flowing water. If it wasn t so quiet in the wood, I may never have heard it. The splashing of the water appears to be getting steadily closer. By now I have walked at least a quarter of a mile but I am not quite sure. There is rain, well actually more like sprinkles of water gently massaging my face in a pleasant, cooling way. Even though I can t feel it, I know it s there. The trees seem to be gradually decreasing, as I carry on my walk through the forest. I look up and I can see the sky. It is a perfect, vibrant blue colour, so glorious; my heart feels as if it may stop at any moment with the sheer beauty of the sky above. There are clouds too. Soft, cotton wool clouds. The ones you want to bounce on just like a child does on a new bed. As I do this I carry on walking as if I m sleepwalking, I know what I am doing but I have no control or power over my actions. I uncontrollably continue against all odds and obstacles.

The sound of flowing water is getting louder and louder like a gentle rumble of thunder in the sky. The sprinkles on my face begin to get harder and stronger, yet they are just as pleasurable.

Finally, my feet grind to a halt and I realise I have reached my target. I look straight ahead for a long, long time, for what seems an eternity. I am totally enraptured and awed by the sight I have beheld before my very eyes. There in front of me is a waterfall. But not just any insignificant waterfall. The most unbelievably stunning waterfall your imagination could ever conceive. It gives the impression to just flow on and on forever and ever. Surrounding this awe-inspiring sight are Bonsai trees. Those type trees are attractive at the best of times but here, in this paradise of dreams come true, they look magnificent, amazing even. They seem to be in an unordered formation yet it reminds you of a patchwork quilt, organized yet intriguing. They are put there for a reason unbeknown to me, but with such precision, it was apparent it was just meant to be. The trees are rooted in the edges of the cliff, which have deep crevices like dimples on a small child. I slowly lower myself down onto the hard, cold ground my legs bending like a cheetah about to attack it s prey, acting slowly, gracefully, carefully, undetected towards its victim. The rock seems to be shattered and broken yet it is sturdy and easily able to hold my wait. I hang my legs over the edge and I can feel the cold, fresh splashes on my bare skin. I dare to look down below me. All I can see is the ever-graceful waterfall making its journey to the wide-open ocean. I can feel the cool freshness of the damp floor under me. I feel totally at peace. It is serene, perfect, indescribably astounding to the human mind. It is too much for a person to understand or perceive.

I look around once again. It seems to take me a while to comprehend my tranquil milieu. The whole world seems so brilliant to me at that precise moment in my dream. The moment I can reflect upon everything and nothing at all, all at the same time.

I contemplate jumping into oblivion, the bottomless pit of water. I nervously approach the edge of the cliff and begin to peer over, staring in wonder and amazement. I am temporarily motionless as I gaze, like a newborn babe does to her mother when they first lay eyes upon each other. I look in admiration at the crystal clear oasis of lustrous water. Have you ever imagined swimming with dolphins as they playfully glide around you, or scuba diving in the coral reef - to fix your eyes upon a vast array of colour, witnessing a multitude of life swimming to and fro in front of your very eyes as you are insignificant compared to the wonders of the surrounding ocean? Can you contemplate the colour of the water? I would imagine it as a vivid dreamy, summers afternoon, sky blue. The type you want to look at for days upon days. Well, that was exactly how this secluded lake appeared to me in my dream.

I take a chance, a risk, and dive into the heaven below me. I am a bird, soaring above the world, beholding its beauty, magnificence and majesty. Slowly, gradually I begin to lower nearer to the ground. I can feel the cool fresh splendour of the water from a few feet below me. It s an amazing feeling, like you re not in control of anything anymore; you forget your problems, past, future and even present. At that pivotal moment, you just think about how incredible you feel. I am getting closer and closer to the water under me. My mouth is dry with expectation. I am eager to taste the cold freshness of the oasis.

Now, a few centimetres away, I can see my reflection in the water, but it doesn t look like me. My hair is away from my face, flying above me. I look happy, my eyes are sparkling, like the stars on a clear moonlit night, and my lips are pure red, my skin looks smooth, youthful, unblemished. I can practically touch the water now. I reach out to feel the coldness of it, my body lurches forward and I drop into the water. Darkness Surrounds me. My expectations are shattered. I wake up and my journey has ended.


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Sun May 13, 2007 5:15 pm
Firestalker wrote a review...



:D WOW :D thats what i call a story. You described it so well even I could not have done some thing like that. Keep posting, I'm sure you other stories will be better than this :lol:







The only thing to fear is fear it self.




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Sat Nov 27, 2004 5:19 pm
iced.cappuchino wrote a review...



It doesn t take long to get there; in fact it s only 40 winks away!

I'm pretty iffy about using numbers in texts. I suppose you could leave it '40', but I find it could disturb the flow of the sentence, so I usually write 'forty' instead of '40'. It's just personal preference, I guess, nothing to do with right or wrong, I guess.

They are so high they block the sun light almost totally, but yet a few rays creep through the foliage and guide my way.

A few things:

-The 'totally' bugged me; I'm not sure why, maybe because it doesn't really fit in with the way the atmosphere, but I think 'almost totally' just sounds weird together. Again, it's a personal preference thing. Maybe switch it to 'completely', but that's entirely up to you; I'm just nit-picking ^^;

-'But yet'. I think putting 'but' next to 'yet' is kind of redundant. Maybe take off one or the other.

-Very nice imagery all in all. I especially like the 'few rays creep though the foliage'. It definitely adds a mysterious, creepy kind of atmosphere. ^^; Sorry, couldn't resist the pun.

Walking towards an opening in the wood, I can here the cracking and crunching of the leaves under my bare feet, feeling the moisture of the dew kissed grass.

-Typo ^^; I think you meant 'I can hear'

-Hmmm... I think there's a participle overuse here. Too many -ing phrases. I would suggest taking one of the phrases (either 'walking towards an opening in the wood' or 'feeling the moisture of the dew kissed grass') and making a seperate sentence out of it, to lighten the sentence a bit.

The ones you want to bounce on just like a child does on a new bed.

Nice, very nice. I could imagine those kinds of clouds. The imagery is very good.

Those type trees are attractive at the best of times but here, in this paradise of dreams come true, they look magnificent, amazing even. They seem to be in an unordered formation yet it reminds you of a patchwork quilt, organized yet intriguing.

Typo ^^; (Gah, I know, they are annoying to me too) 'types of trees'.

I also love the 'in this paradise of dreams come true'. It sounds so very... professional? I dunno, I just love the sound of that, I guess. ^o^

I slowly lower myself down onto the hard, cold ground my legs bending like a cheetah about to attack it s prey, acting slowly, gracefully, carefully, undetected towards its victim. The rock seems to be shattered and broken yet it is sturdy and easily able to hold my wait. I hang my legs over the edge and I can feel the cold, fresh splashes on my bare skin. I dare to look down below me. All I can see is the ever-graceful waterfall making its journey to the wide-open ocean. I can feel the cool freshness of the damp floor under me. I feel totally at peace. It is serene, perfect, indescribably astounding to the human mind. It is too much for a person to understand or perceive.

This part.... sounds weird to me, because you describe the place as 'cold and hard' (the ground), yet it is a place where the narrator feels 'totally at peace'. Also, you described his mouvements like a 'cheetah about to attack its prey'.

The comparaisons and the words you used to describe the place are contradictory; it's stated that the waterfall is a serene and tranquil place, so the simile and the words seem... jarring and out of place?

Perhaps it is, again, personal preference. ^^;

My mouth is dry with expectation. I am eager to taste the cold freshness of the oasis.

The emotion is conveyed.... really well with these two sentences. I love the way we can feel the raw emotion in these short few sentences. ^^


All in all, it is a very good piece. I love the way you set up the atmosphere with flourish description. Good work! ^-^




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Sat Nov 27, 2004 2:31 am
ZZAP wrote a review...



WOW! You are very descriptive in your writing... Unbelievably sound! I love it! Here... You need to flow it together a bit more. Somehow you already do that, but when I seperate your sentences they are chopppy. It is the whole mood you get the audience in that makes it sooooo smooth; like butter. Still, it would be even more if you ran the sentences over one another a little bit more, and got them to fit. I saw some run-on sentences and comma splices in there:

"So close yet so far away, there is the sound of rustling tree leaves and far away bird songs and the flapping of their wings above me" you splices the two sentences together in this one.

Also, when you stated your movement like a predator stalking its prey... Why are you doing that? What is there to stalk? I thought your mood as the narrator was "in-awe" at the sight.

You leave me rather in shock at your last few sentences... Shattered is a word that kind of 'destroys' your ending. Shatter is more of glass breaking emotions, and dreadful stuns of recieving info. I don't think it fits... I would re-phrase that. Also, lowercase the "s" in "surround" in the third to last sentence.

Very good!

-ZZAP

ps- donating...




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Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:12 pm
Firestarter wrote a review...



I really enjoyed reading this. The imagery is very good -"There are clouds too. Soft, cotton wool clouds. The ones you want to bounce on just like a child does on a new bed" and " I am temporarily motionless as I gaze, like a newborn babe does to her mother when they first lay eyes upon each other" are well chosen. All in all, it was a very well crafted piece.

Well done!





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