The family sat in a half-circle around the hearth, argyle socks strapped around their mouths. No one moved a muscle; no one breathed. Their solemn eyes had long lost their shine and now seemed as if they were rusted pennies stamped into a crumbling mold of flesh and bone. This was it; it was over.
A low rumble rose from the ground causing the cabin and all of its inhabitants to rattle and shake. Those socks never left their lips.
Leftover spaghetti from the previous night rested in a pan, sticking to itself and anything around it. The shaking caused it to tip over and flop onto the floor, jiggling like jello that had just been touched.
Birds began to caw and leap from their nests, not bothering to spread their wings, and fall to the Kentucky forest-floor in a morbidly beautiful display of poetic suicide.
Known as the speaker of the family, Cali moved her head and began to caw back at the birds, a few strands of her brunette hair falling over her joy-filled eyes. A few moments passed and she turned back to face the stone-cold fireplace, settling back into her original position. Everyone's eyes were focused on something balancing on the hearth except hers. The bible soon fell off the brick and onto the wooden floor. Right as it hit the ground, the socks slipped off of their lips and into their melting laps.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was a really powerful little short this one...I don't quite get exactly what's going. It looks to be left relatively vague on purpose here or at least that's what it looks like to me...but....its definitely bringing a sense of just death and despair.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh dear...well that is quite a powerful start there...a it almost looks like we're discussing a family of potentially already dead people here, cause the way that this description is laid out is seriously giving me those vibes, and then that last line of the first paragraph, phew...this is quite a powerful start this one. Looks like some serious things are about to happen or have already happen.
Oh dear well, the socks look like their somehow important, maybe I don't know, the spaghetti though is definitely important, the fact that no attempt has been made to clear up the leftovers from the previous night indicates its almost like this family is waiting for some great tragedy to come and swallow them up...its definitely up quite a sense of tension here.
Well that is certainly a morbid display, seeing birds just up and kill themselves, some seriously crazy things are going down in this area at the moment, I can't even imagine a situation where birds would do something like this.
Well...that's a very final ending...oh dear...well that's definitely the end, you get a sense that these people are indeed alive but they're just about to get killed by something...and then that bible just falling onto the ground which lends a really powerful cue to that end there and then ending with the socks falling onto melting laps just hammers home that some sort of terrible death is happening here. Well...its certainly a very haunting ending this one.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a really powerful little story, and then ending is definitely going to give you a couple of nightmares if you aren't careful
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey! It's Dawny for a review!
First of all, I just want to say that the description is a little confusing, I seriously thought that it was about a sophomore writing something - but then again, I'm blond. It was really short, however I liked how much emotion and deeply explained everything.
It kinda hard to actually do a review with as little as you wrote, but I do love your writing style. And honestly, I guess that's all I can really say.
Have a good day,
Dawny
Heyo Michael, Subtle here for a review. I tend to review as I read so bear with me.
What a way to start off a story, real gripper. I liked the descriptions of the socks too, accurate. I'm not so sure about no one breathing though, is kind of an involuntary action.
The jiggling jello, you should have the pleasure of knowing that I've got that imagery stuck in my head. This blob of lime-green jello jiggling..ugh. Anyways, back to my point. So the spaghetti was sticking onto the pan and even it did tip over (which would be the pan and not the spaghetti unless you want to say that a single strand of pasta managed to pull a whole pan down.) Also, if the pan fell down or let's just say the spaghetti it wouldn't be jiggling. It would be this sticky blob that has stuck and most possibly splattered across the floor. So, that simile there doesn't really work.
Dude, this is great. This has got to be the most awesome comparison ever. 'Morbidly beautiful display of poetic suicide.' I love it, I just love it.
Erm, well. That ending was way too spiritual for me to get, I'm not a Christian so. Ok, I will get serious about this. Watching Anime in the middle of a review is bad. I think that you could have maybe foreshadow a bit more of Cali's character earlier on, it seems very sudden. Also, if their mouths are tied with socks then how can Cali caw back at the crows. Or had her sock already fallen off, if so, you need to tell the readers that. Well, that ending was sudden and I'm not sure quite what to make off that. I'm sure the bible represents something here, as well as the fire but I'm not really into religious symbols so maybe you will have to decode that for me.
Because this story is so short, there isn't much for me to criticize on. For the majority, I like your writing style. Is written in a classical voice, your descriptions aren't bland so that it lies flat, but it holds enough imagery to let the readers imagine what is going on. I especially liked the use of short paragraphs here, it builds up a certain tension to the climax. I just really wish this was longer, will there be a sequel? The ending was abrupt, but I suppose in another way it suited the story. But I just wish you could have expanded it a bit more and develop both Cali and her family members before brining it to an end. The choice is yours, of course.
Wonderful work, all the best, keep writing.
-S.s
Thanks so much for the review! It really means a lot
My sophomore year in high school, I took a creative writing class and one of the prompts was just six words and we had to write a short story out of it in like fifteen minutes and this was my result. The overall synopsis is someone leaving their Christian faith, something that I had done the previous year. So hopefully that can clarify some of the confusion on the ending. 
Ah, I see. Interesting, those creative courses do spark some very interesting results.
Hey man, are you our twenty-first century Charles Dickens? Well explained man. I just suggest you to write a little bit longer than this. I liked the way you started the story and explained every bit of it so deeply.
I did not like the ending though. Maybe I am the only one who did not like it haha but really you could have made it more interesting and longer.
Anyway it was a good and sounded quite unique to me. You have got the qualities of being a writer and a new generation's Charles Dickens!
Be more active and write a lot. I hope to see you more active from now on
Thanks so much for the kind words and the critique! I wrote this for a creative writing course I took two years ago where we were given six words and we had fifteen minutes to write a short story with them. This was the result! I do hope to make it longer, as it does cover a topic that is an important part of my life. The synopsis is someone renouncing their Christianity, so with that information, I hope the ending is a bit more clear
Sounds cool. Eagerly waiting for your other work. Keep it up