I really loved your poem! You put so much emotion into it- its insane!
Don't change.
Well, you can change,
Just not because someone told you you
Had to.
Don't let people tell you you're anything but
Beautiful.
Don't stop loving life.
Don't stop loving yourself.
Please, please,
Please
Don't stop loving yourself.
If you want to know why,
Just look at daddy's
Wrists.
Look at his
Legs.
Look at his
Arms.
Those bumps in the road only tell you
one thing.
Daddy stopped loving himself.
Don't be like him.
Live each day.
Be grateful for each breath,
Each sniff of the nose,
Each tear,
Each step,
Each day you
Feel.
Be grateful.
Be.
With all my love,
Dad
I'm not trying to be bias or anything but I don't think this poem deserves all the credits that it's getting. I love the way the writer used personification to create a poem that would make the readers relate to it emotionally but gees this poem is over-rated. It like going to the movies and watching the crappiest movie and because the played your favorite sound or a sound that is upbeat and made u feel good you rate it good. Though I must say that writing this from a father (dude) perspective was brilliant.
P.s: Your last word needs a period(.).
I wouldn't day that this is the best of poems I have ever read neither would I say it was bad but dude keep up the work, keep writing. Great effort.
Hey, I'm new to YWS, however just wanted to let you know how much i enjoyed this poem. The honesty and emotion is so strong and really helps set it apart from other poems. Keep up the good work
The raw emotion you show is amazing with such simplistic verse. The meaning of the self love that is passed between parent to child is so perfectly put.
Wow! Thank you so much for writing this poem. It is beautiful, and meaningful. It can have so many interpretations, but the one I got was just amazing. It was simple, but that's what made it so good. It didn't need anything fancy because it's just a Father talking to his Daughter. The whole concept is also a wonderful thing. People just sitting down and writing to their future children. Warning them, sharing moments, and just wanting them to know something. Again thank you, it was beautiful and elegant.
46 comments?!? Congrats! I haven't seen a piece with this many comments for the longest time on YWS! :')
Anyway, onto the poem. There seem to be mixed reviews and VERY strong opinions concerning the poem's execution. Wow. Take a chill pill guys. Still, I understand that even the harshest reviewers are trying to help you, and I respect that.
Mostly, critics have asked for more poetic figurative language. I personally think this poem does't need it, because it's a father talking to his daughter. I think the father's voice really makes this poem, and I don't know any fathers who talk in similes and metaphors.
So, personally, I think the simplistic tone works for this particular poem. Don't get me wrong, I bet it could be rewritten more poetically and be AMAZING, but it would give off a totally different vibe. I think the raw, straight-to-the-point stuff is a lot more genuine, because that's how real fathers are.
Ok, well that's my two cents. Again, congrats on all the attention this piece is getting. You deserve it, my friend!
I would like to say that along with everyone else, I absolutely love this. You conveyed all this emotion in these simple words and it's simply AMAZING. You left me breathless. The only thing I noticed is that throughout the poem you were using "daddy" when you talked about...well yourself I guess, until the end. I think it would be more meaningful if you signed it as daddy instead of "dad". Just a little pickiness from me. This is amazing. Please keep posting! Oh and congrats on so many reviews you deserve it!
Hey Michael. Alf here for a review. So, I was shocked to see, like, I dunno, more than forty praise to your piece. Unfortunately, I think it needs a lot more meat to be praised so much. It was a REALLY great read, don't get me wrong, and I LOVE it. But there are just some things you need to keep in mind on writing the next piece...
First, the positives...
Emotion to the max! I think the chopped verses give impact. Also, some words, although simple and common, really come out serenely as you isolate them in their own verses. This artistic notion needs some thumbs up I think the poem showed what the father has installed in his mind. I like how you scoop that out like ice cream and smother it in an artistic way. Also, the piece really seemed fatherly. The mood and word choice perfectly fits the voice of a concerned father. This is why many writers at YWS really like the piece, this includes me
Lines I like:
Don't let people tell you you're anything but
Beautiful.
Each step,
Each day you
Feel.
Be grateful.
Be.
It's so beautifully written and flowing and the emotion shown is so ethereal that it just leaves me speechless...
Good evening, Michael.
I don’t review much anymore, but there are two reasons I come out of the shadows to give my insights: 1.) a piece needs significant praise because it achieves a merit of quality that is yet unrecognized, or 2.) a piece receives inordinate praise that is ill-deserved. To My Future Daughter has received too much praise, and needs a touch of reality.
In terms of demographics, your sentiment (which I consider to merit 50% of a poem’s significance) touches the shoulders of 1.) women who do not love themselves, 2.) women who wish other women loved themselves more, 3.) men who wish women loved themselves more, and 4.) an occasional soft heart. Now, this demographic is cool, it’s a good thing to have, but by no means does it warrant any poetic merit. You’ve brought nothing new, nothing refreshing to this piece, and it suffers because of your simplicity.
You’ve given no heed to flow, no caution for delicate images, no attention to broad relativity. It’s just one sentiment, chopped into fragmented, hard-to-swallow lines that makes the piece too dramatic, too self-absorbed to make me care. The piece doesn’t even focus into the daughter for half of the poem—and then you go into talking about yourself/the father in such a way that it seems like a suicide note. Honestly, I think this would be more impactful if it were a suicide note left for a future daughter. That’d be cool, original, different. It would have the context of loss so we could connect to at least one of the pawns.
Sentiment isn’t enough. Sharpen up your craft and pay attention to what you’re doing.
-Lumi
Wow great job you have 34 likes.This was even liked by a spambot. [I don't mean that in a bad way its true a spam bot liked it]
I came around because of well, so many likes/comments!
Well, I'm no poet/poetry reviewer; but as a reader, this came off clunky. It would sound a lot better if you spend some time on the father's slitting/insecurities and stuff.
That aside, do you also write prose?
I really think this is beautiful. It's a bittersweet feeling, both happy and sad. I agree that you do write with self-awareness and lots of emotions. It's both touching and inspiring. I like the format that you put it in. I don't think its "awkwardly structured." It really works for this poem, I think. It makes it more meaningful, I think it makes the reader "feel" the emotions in the words. This is a really good piece of writing. Keep going at it.
Wow... Well,,, I really like it... I feli it was a bit touchy ... All the best !!
I really liked this poem. It made me feel happy and sad at the same time. I agree with PeaceLuvPoems that this was lovely in this poem-letter format. But the only thing that I want to comment on is that the lines were kind of choppy. I think you could of made it flow more instead of the short lines, but that is my only complaint( and that might just be me). Another thing thing I really like is this part:
"Live each day.
Be grateful for each breath,
Each sniff of the nose,
Each tear,
Each step,
Each day you
Feel.
Be grateful.
Be.
With all my love,
Dad"
I look forward to more poems of yours!
I loved this... it was bittersweet, and makes me wants to read it over and over again. It's like a poem-letter. I wish that I could write like this... Please keep writing poems like this!
It is sweet and it is sad and it is heartfelt, keep this in its rawest form. Because like this it sings of a pleading and it whispers of care. Because kids do learn from their parents mistakes, all the time. It is not only touching generally, but in some cases personally as well and I truly love it, because it is so cleanly executed and left as pure thought.
I don't know if this will make any sense, but I literally FELT this poem. Don't pay attention to what other people say, haha. It's great!
It actually made me cry a little..
Thanks ♥
~Lindsey
That's amazing. I wish I could put my feelings into writing as well as you..
The poem is sweet. However, overall, the poem's portrayal of the message is awkwardly structured. Imagine a person reading this to you or vice versa, they will hear these pauses in some lines, that I think sometimes comes off as unnecessary, and breaks the flow of the poem. I also agree with other reviewers that this will be much better if you put some elements of poem- some figures of speech, etc. and not just blandly serving a pasta with little peas on it. Add some spice.
But yeah, don't get me wrong- with this poem alone- I think this dish has a lot (lots!) of potential.
Simple but beautiful.I love it very much.when i read this poem,there is some kind of feeling i felt inside.
Be grateful for each breath,
"Each sniff of the nose,
Each tear,
Each step,
Each day you
Feel.
Be grateful.
Be.
With all my love,
Dad"
*this is the part that i love the most.Keep writing,dude.I hope to see more poems from you.
Hello here is your review
"Be.
With all my love,
Dad."
Be is a ssubordinate clause and should be linked with a main clause. I suggest changing the period to a comma.
This is your comment
I feel very attached to this because i am a daughter and my father cut but never told me not to cut.
So thank you for sharing .... very much loved this.
Hello here is your review
"Be.
With all my love,
Dad."
Be is a ssubordinate clause and should be linked with a main clause. I suggest changing the period to a comma.
This is your comment
I feel very attached to this because i am a daughter and my father cut but never told me not to cut.
So thank you for sharing .... very much loved this.
Hello here is your review
"Be.
With all my love,
Dad."
Be is a ssubordinate clause and should be linked with a main clause. I suggest changing the period to a comma.
This is your comment
I feel very attached to this because i am a daughter and my father cut but never told me not to cut.
So thank you for sharing .... very much loved this.
Hi, michaeld. I have to say, I absolutely loved your poem. Being a cutter... I really wish my dad had given me something like this. I just... understand it so much.
In response to Aet's review, I have something to say. I think this poem was meant to be felt, not read, right? It certainly seems that way to me.
All I need to focus on is the meaning behind those simple and straightforward words. And see deeper. And deeper. It's not impossible.
I personally think critiquing this piece is just gonna ruin this.
So, to fill up your page, once more, with admiring words...
I love this.
Despite what other people might think, I thought this was absolutely beautiful. I could tell it was written with emotions that were absolutely genuine, a type of writing that could only come from someone who's writing their true feelings. You really meant this, and it came out great.
Not only that, but it's a great message to send to someone, in this case a daughter, about how much you love them. The thought of them reading this sometime in the future, would no doubt touch them more than it would touch any other reader.
Anyway, great poetry. Keep it up!
Wow this is really good! I love pretty much everything about this! I don't dislike anything because it is so good! Just watch your grammer and spelling
Oh my god this is so sweet! I realize how much my parents must be hurting because of some of my decisions. Thanks!
This is amazing. Being a cutter myself, and, of course, the daughter of a father, this makes me realize that they actually are as hurt by it as I am.
Thank you.
Wow, this is amazing!
Being my fathers daughter, I can only say that I would love to have had my dad write me something like this.
Being a previous cutter, I can only tell you that this piece is so honest and true!
I hope one day to explain my scars to my kids.
Excellent, I mean it!!!
Keep writing!
-SnowBerry
Nice. I really enjoyed reading this. Too bad children never really listen to parents though. But this work represents you as a really good person. They say: Everybody loves/will love their kids, but, love isn't as easy as it seems.
Keep up the good work
I certainly don't dislike it as much as carbonCore did, but with as little offense intended as possible... my god, how is this getting so much praise?
First thing, line breaks. Why do you use so many? It looks ridiculous. Poetic license means there is no rule against it, of course, but it's just a very poor choice. Line breaks indicate a "breath", some sort of pause, like a comma does. Do you really intend the reader to read it like so?
Don't change. Well, you can change, just not because someone told you you. Had to. Don't let people tell you you're anything but. Beautiful.
Don't change.
Well, you can change,
Just not because someone told you you had to.
Don't let people tell you you're anything but beautiful.
Don't stop loving life.
Don't stop loving yourself.
Please, please, please don't stop loving yourself.
If you want to know why, just look at daddy's wrists.
Look at his legs.
Look at his arms.
Those bumps in the road only tell you one thing.
Daddy stopped loving himself.
Don't be like him.
Live each day.
Be grateful for each breath,
Each sniff of the nose,
Each tear, each step,
Each day you feel.
Be grateful.
Be.
With all my love,
Dad
Wow, this is utterly amazing. I think you're going to be a great father, is it okay if I steal this for my boyfriend to read to our baby? I really love this.
I think this was absolutely beautiful. The simplicity is what really brings it all together. The powerful meaning behind what you said... Simply wow. I'm impressed.
Keep writing,
Fire.
Pst. Why the hell are there tears in my eyes? Lol. Good job, Michael. I think this is lovely.
This is amazing, it literally brought tears to my eyes. So little words, but such meaning behind them... I absolutely love this.
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