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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
A few things I have to point out here, as a reviewer.
When you say "poetry"... for me that's in a format that is seperate lines. Perhaps you wanted this to be a short...SHORT story? A little longer and this would've been a perfect example of one. A poetry format - in my opinion - is as followed.
Keep in mind this is just something I've thrown together.
Maybe you could seperate the paragraph into something like that?
Grammar. I'm sure you've gotten some or alot of reviews that tell you this, but lets just take another glance, shall we? When you start and end a sentence, you always want to start with a capital letter. Best way to go, to be honest. I like the parenthesis though. They're virant and go along with the intense plot, and I think it gives this work potential.
Overall, I think this is good, but could use a little work. Keep writing and if you need a review, swing by here!
~Pix
I did try to put seperate lines but it wouldn't let me for whatever reason. I wrote it at an inspired moment so I know it's very sloppy, but I had to get it down and I intend on rewriting! Thank you for the feedback!
This is intense... At first I was a bit annoyed that it wasn't in a poetry format but I think I like it better this way...
I'd love to read some more of you work. If you ever need a review or something, just say the word!
Thank you! I tried to format it differently but it wouldn't let me...
Awesome, man. I usually get bored with everything and give up, but this was too hardcore
Haha thank you! I wonder if anyone can guess what its about?