Stars

Woah! This is powerful! That's my first impression anyway, and I'm pretty sure that's what you were aiming for, so...Woah! Well done.

The stucture of the paragraphs has really helped in this impression, and it's great to see people experimenting with that sort of thing, as it really pays off when it's done well.
The other thing that's really good is the fact that you've written it in stages (another aspect of the paragraph structure) and that heightens the tension really well, as does the repetition of key words.
There are a couple of things that I want to point out that could be improved on though. Just the little things, as you've got the overall feeling downpat.

He felt utterly neglected, terrifically abused.

Raindrops mingled with the tears against his face, embellishing his pallid complexion and saturating his existence with something inexplicably surreal.

He ran and he wanted to scream, he ran and he wanted to fall, he ran and he wanted everything to end.

He felt as if he were dreaming. He felt as if he were flying. For the first time in his life, he felt as if he were living.

He hurled himself over the edge and his limbs flailed piteously and the sharp wind cut into him and his eyes watered instinctively and he couldn’t, couldn’t breathe and though all his thoughts left him, his feelings became clearer than ever –

Hmm...I'm confused.
So you mean adverbs AND adjectives?

I do use a lot of adverbs and adjectives in my writing, because I adore them. It IS quite a problem. I've recently discovered, however, that a lot of powerful verbs really help in eliminating such unnecessary words...

Any suggestions for said powerful verbs?

Also...while I actually disagree with your stripping of ALMOST ALL adjectives and adverbs from my writing, I do see where you're coming from. I'll look over this somehow and maybe fix it up.

Thanks!

Okay! So I have a style very much like yours. Run on sentences? Check! Lots of repetition? Check! And I like this style because you can make everything seemed rushed and chaotic and, with every repetition, even though it's saying the same thing, it's saying everything in a slightly different way, which makes it pretty and awesome.

One thing that you might want to look at: the obsequious amount of adjectives in this piece. I mean, I love adjectives. In fact, some of the adjectives you use are the same adjectives that I use in my story ("deep blue" comes to mind offhand) and I love my story! Love it so much that this is cool for me to read. However, you use so many of them that it clutters up the writing. I know you're trying to come up with a metaphor, but... it's not working.

There are too many adjectives holding this up. I mean, adjectives aren't bad, but you can't have them holding stories up because if you take away the adjectives, the story has no meaning. Observe:

He stood. He stood like an angel with wings, with nowhere to go. He stood with shame, tears cascading down his cheeks. Cars whizzed by into the distance, hardly acknowledging his existence, and he stared, his eyes unfocused. He felt neglected, abused. Still he stood.

Then he ran. His footsteps were the rhythm of his heart, his arms swung in tandem, and his body and soul and mind were one. Raindrops mingled with the tears against his face, embellishing his complexion and saturating his existence with something surreal. He ran and he wanted to scream, he ran and he wanted to fall, he ran and he wanted everything to end. So he ran.

At last, he came to a bridge. He sped up, running harder and harder and harder until his surroundings melded into an blur, and the stars against the sky seemed to shoot away from him in a frenzy. The stars were bright tonight. He felt as if he were dreaming. He felt as if he were flying. For the first time in his life, he felt as if he were living.

The bridge approached him. A scream escaped his lips. He hurled himself over the edge and his limbs flailed and the sharp wind cut into him and his eyes watered and he couldn’t, couldn’t breathe and though all his thoughts left him, his feelings became clearer than ever –

His body hit the water and he was plunged into the cold depths of the river, needles scalding his every orifice. He was drowning and he couldn’t resist. He was dying but he was already dead. As his vision dimmed, he could see the stars rippling through the water’s surface, winking at him and tantalizing him with their brightness and beauty. He stared, transfixed, his mind swirling, his thoughts fading into black.

The stars were bright tonight.

The bridge approached him ominously and invitingly. A fleeting scream escaped his lips, barbaric yet elegant, feeble yet powerful. He hurled himself over the edge and his limbs flailed piteously and the sharp wind cut into him and his eyes watered instinctively and he couldn’t, couldn’t breathe and though all his thoughts left him, his feelings became clearer than ever –

The bridge approached him. A scream escaped his lips. He hurled himself over the edge and his limbs flailed and the sharp wind cut into him and his eyes watered and he couldn’t, couldn’t breathe and though all his thoughts left him, his feelings became clearer than ever –

You messed it up.
The repetition of a certain word adds a poetic element to the story. The run-on sentences are part of the metaphor; it aptly captures his sense of panic and hurriedness. The ambiguity is part of the beauty. Readers don't always need things spelt out for them. Think Hemingway and the iceberg principle.

If you turn it into a grammatically correct (and dull) piece, it no longer captures the moment and expresses something entirely different.

The other comments seem pretty fair though. Thanks!

Hey mercipoulevenin!
Here's my review key:
red = comments
bold = words that I think could work better
Let's get this party started!

mercipourlevenin wrote:[s]He stood[/s]. He stood like a fallen angel with charred, broken wings, abandoned, [s]and[/s] unwanted, and terrified, with nowhere to go. He stood with abject shame, tears silently cascading down his cheeks. Try not to repeat stood. Find another word Cars whizzed by into the distance, hardly acknowledging his [s]existence[/s]presence. He stared, his eyes unfocused Tell us what he's staring at. He felt utterly neglected, terrifically abused. Still he stood.

Then he ran. His footsteps were the rhythm of his heart, his arms swung in tandem, and his body and soul and mind were one. Raindrops mingled with the tears against his face, embellishing his pallid complexion and saturating his existence with something inexplicably surreal. He ran and he wanted to scream, he ran and he wanted to fall, he ran and he wanted everything to end. So he ran.

At last, he came to a bridge. He sped up, running harder and harder and harder until his surroundings melded into an unrecognizable blur, and the stars against the deep blue sky seemed to shoot away from him in a frenzy. The stars were exceptionally bright tonight. He felt as if he were dreaming. He felt as if he were flying. For the first time in his life, he felt as if he were living.

The bridge approached him ominously and invitingly. A fleeting scream escaped his lips, barbaric yet elegant, feeble yet powerful. He hurled himself over the edge and his limbs flailed piteously in the nothingness. The sharp wind cut into him and his eyes watered instinctively, the air knocked out of his lungs [s]he couldn’t, couldn’t breathe [/s]and though all his thoughts left him, his feelings became clearer than ever – I've never been a fan of runon sentences so I suggest at least cutting this sentence into two

His body hit the water and he was plunged into the cold depths of the river, microscopic needles scalding his every orifice. The water is the needles right? Be more specific. He was drowning Show us the feelings he has. The water closes around him, the last air bubbles out of his mouth. Show us more. Slow this part down, don't tell us and he couldn’t resist. He was dying but he was already dead. As his vision dimmed, he could see the stars rippling through the water’s surface, winking at him and tantalizing him with their startling brightness and beauty. He stared, transfixed, his mind swirling, his thoughts fading into black.

The stars really were remarkably bright tonight.