Hello, mephistophelesangel! I'm here to review your work! I'm sorry in advance if my review isn't all that helpful. I'm trying to become a better reviewer, but I'm still not used to reviewing some of the things I'm going to mention in this review.
Your grammar is pretty spot on, except for one part where you mention how long Jamie has lived with her dog. The number "7" should be written out because it's a measure of time. Other than that, I couldn't find anything wrong with your story's grammar!
Even after 7 years of living with Daisy, the putrid smell never fails to bring forth a hint of disgust onto her face.
You also do a great job with the descriptions in the story. None of them are jarring to the reader, and all serve a purpose in conveying the story. The descriptions help enforce the mysterious mood of the story, as well as allowing the reader to get a glimpse into the action.
In regards to the characters, Jamie is the only one the reader really knows about. Not much information is given about her except that she's had a Newfoundland for seven years and that she's a curious person. But that works well for this story; you're trying to make the story seem mysterious. If you added a lot of information about her suddenly, rather than over the course of the story, it would detract from that.
The two men mentioned are also very interesting characters. The way you described them, and the lack of explanation for their actions, makes me very curious about what was happening in the park when Jamie was watching them.
I hope this review helped. I really enjoyed reading your work, and I'm sorry if any part of my review seemed harsh! Also, please feel free to PM me if something I said doesn't make sense. I'd be happy to explain it to you. Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
Points: 1234
Reviews: 590
Donate