Having told that I'm a fool,
In my small days I never wanted to go to school.
The world can be so cruel,
To fire the heart of a child with such fuel.
Having told that I'm not pretty,
In my young days I never tried to be witty.
The world can be so blind,
To not see a heart so pure and mild.
Having told that I'm not loved,
In my teen age I never tried to be anyone's beloved.
The world can be so selfish,
To gather all the fish in my dish.
Having told all these things,
I was lonesome with no wings.
Can the world be so much like a stoner?
To not care for that girl in the corner?
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Canary word: Present
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Hey! I adored your poem it was fresh and I enjoyed the topic of the poem. The tittle was perfect and the rhyme scheme was lovely. I felt like the poem spoke to me in a sense and I commend you on that because that is a hard task to do. I also enjoyed the comparisons made in this poem. The flow of the poem was fantastic also. You did an amazing job! Keep up the work!
Keep up the work!
Hey! I really liked this poem, but let's get into the review.
This line didn't really make sense to me. Can you clarify what it meant?
When I first read this, it seemed to me like you were talking about the length of days. After reading it over, I realized the real meaning. Maybe change it to something along the lines of "In my younger days I never wanted to go to school."
I was also kinda confused with the layout of this sentence.
Maybe change this to, "Being told that I'm not pretty,"?
I feel the same way with this one.
Maybe try "As a teen I never tried to be anyone's beloved."
How about "Being told all these things,"?
I enjoyed this poem thoroughly, and I feel it would be so much better with a little more flow.
Great read!
~Saruka
My little bit.
I agree with the others, the teen age part is a little odd. Switch the word age for years and I things it will come out smoother.
I have a problem in your running though, lines 7 and 8 do not rhyme like they should. Blind and mild do not ryhme, but other than thy you did a good job with the lines. I applaud.
Overall, I loved it, and thought it was a cool idea. Keep on writkng!
-Caroline
I feel that the sentence
contradicts the content of the poem as the poem starts with stating that the speaker of the poem has been insulted by being called a 'fool,''not pretty,' and reinforces that by commenting that the world is 'cruel,' and being told that the speaker is 'not loved.' However the speaker wants to be beloved as the speaker says that for making the speaker 'lonesome.'It is very hard to write an effective poem that rhymes ABAB (for me anyway) so I applaud that I just think you need to reword the 'beloved,' bit as it is contradictory.
Hello! First off, I really only noticed one thing that is a little awkward to read. The line; "In my teen age I never tried to be anyone's beloved."
The "In my teen age" is just a little awkward. I would put the word 'years' after "teen age."
So; "In my teen age years I never tried to be anyone's beloved." That was all I noticed. It's a great poem, and I like the meaning you put into the poem. Keep at it!