Okay, this revision is pretty much the same as the last one but I did make a few changes. Let me know what you think. Even just a line saying "I like it" or "I hate it" would be great. Thanks!
Have you ever sat in bed at night
restless and unable to sleep,
staring out into the dark,
your lips a thin line against your pale face,
and shivered, haunted by thoughts
of a certain someone
whose face you cannot forget?
A person known for but an instant
who in that moment
stole your heart,
and plagues you now
with hopes and dreams of times
to never be.
Have you ever closed your eyes and seen his face:
with eyes so deep and blue,
bleached blonde hair tousled just so,
and a smile so perfect you cannot help but return it?
And did you not then conjure up a sliver of hope,
feeble as it may be, to last you through the night,
and wish for a day that he would call you his own?
Have you ever dreamed for days on end
of a time when you could be together,
wanting to forget and move on,
but at the same time giving him your heart?
Have you ever thought of him
and realized that he doesn’t even know you
and given up hope of him ever being yours,
and felt a coldness in your heart no amount of warmth could shake,
and sobbed into your pillow until you fell asleep?
And at night as you lay there alone
despairing more than ever,
did you feel your heart shatter,
broken by what could have been
but never was?
Have you ever wondered why such a stranger
has the power to cause you such pain
and make your heart melt
simply by looking in your direction?
Or why talking to him causes
your heart to pound in your chest
and nervous butterflies to flutter uncontrollably?
Perhaps love is one big joke,
and what at present feels so real
is just a cruel charade,
orchestrated by an unseen master
who laughs at your despair,
he the puppeteer and you a marionette
unable to escape
from the net of unrequited love
in which you find yourself ensnared.
But perhaps not.
Perhaps fate has another path chosen for you
based on a plan already written,
beyond your understanding
and your simple crush will turn into something
much bigger than you could have ever imagined.
Perhaps you can't get him out of your mind
because he was meant to be there.
Perhaps
meeting him
was your destiny.
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141,298 Literary Works • 674,337 Reviews
I really like the poem. It was relate able and had vivid imagery. The one thing that I thought could have made this poem even better was if you had made a rhythm in the poem instead of it being so choppy.
that is a little off when you read it so I would shorten it somehow.
Personally I would change it to "but was never." I just like it better and it popped int my mind when I was reading that line. Anyway this was really good and I can't wait to see what else you come out with!
I like it. Im not a big poem fan, but yours is..[ how should I put this ] interesting. I like the tone and mood of this. Keep up the good work.
Thanks guys! And yeah, the poem does seem sort of shallow from a certain viewpoint. I was writing it more to describe how you feel when you have a crush on someone, you know? When if you stopped to consider it seems pretty silly but you still can't help but dream? Anyways, thanks for the input!
I like it, but it seems to me thnat you (or the viewpoint of the song) are a bit shallow. You haven't talked to him, but you think that it might be true love?
Just think about it... predominating society is still looks, even though we think we know better. You treat a japanese different then a black, which is different than a white... we try not to, but first impressions stick. and first impressions are predominated by looks. Try talking to him, if you're writing this about yourself. My friend had the same problem, and now they're going out, even though she didn't know his name before.
Wow I love this! I can totally relate, and you captured so much raw emotion that I felt like I was there again. I love your use of questions that seem like a girl musing about her life. Awesome poem!
Well, I'm glad you like it and thanks for posting a reply! I really appreciate it.
-Meggy
Oh my gosh.
That was amazing.
I have felt like the person in this poem only once in my life, and this is so much like that time that I feel like you must have been looking straight into my heart. I am...speechless. I really don't know what to say. The emotion, the yearning, the pain, and the thin sliver of hope were all so beautiful, so sensitively described.
A standing ovation.
I LOVE IT.
That was incredible! Love how it seems so uplifting in the first half and then with one line, it all comes crashing down to despair. Very nicely done. Golden Star.
I wish I could review it but honestly I can't find a flaw in it. I felt that it was great, wonderfully great. And if it's based off a true story, I'm sorry to feel enthusiastic about this poem but it indeed was awesome.
and yes i've felt that way before. So i can definitely relate to this.
very very good.