The Final Goodbye

It was nine o'clock in the evening when Alan picked me up from my home to take me to the local coffee shop for the last time. Alan was 18 years old. He was due to take a flight to Paris in three days for his post-secondary studies. He had to leave this city. He was also leaving me here, all alone.

"Hi Julia", he said. He seemed very unhappy. So did I. I felt so desperate for not knowing what to do during his absence in the next four years. I knew I was going to miss him so much. "Hi", I replied.

It took us less than ten minutes to get to the coffee shop. We were both so silent on our way there. After ordering two coffees, we began talking. "Nice place, isn't it?", Alan asked, trying to sound joyful. "Sure it is", I said, with my eyes looking away from him. Besides the two of us, there were only few other people; all couples, who appeared to be having romantic conversations. Despite the desertedness of the coffee shop, everything seemed so depressing to me; so empty, so gloomy.

"Listen, Julia", Alan said, still trying to sound happy. "I am really sad that I won't be seeing you this often in the next few years. But you know, education is really important for my future. Besides, this is not the end, is it?". "No it's not", I replied, and I burst into tears.

Suddenly, I felt Alan's warm arms hugging me. "It's okay, sweetie", he whispered into my ear, then gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek. "I love you!", he said.

After we finished our coffees, he walked me home. As soon as I got inside the house, I ran upstairs to my room and went to bed. Leaving the worries of the day behind, I fell asleep.

...

Dexter barked. He notified me that it was time to wake up; he had been acting as my morning alarm in the past few weeks. After feeding him with beef and bones, I grabbed a homemade cinnamon muffin, left the house and made my way to the swings in the park across the street. It was too early in the morning, so nobody was there. I got on a swing. Launching myself into the air, I started to think about what would be happening in two days when Alan was gone.

When I arrived home, Dexter welcomed me at the door. "Hello Dexter," I said. He barked. I suddenly heard my mom's voice calling me: "Julia, where have you been?".

"I just took a short walk outside, mom. I am okay", I replied. Then, I went upstairs to my room to give Alan a call. He must have been busy preparing his suitcase, for he took almost a minute to answer my call. "How's it going?", I asked, trying not to sound desperate. "Fine," he said. "Doing the final packing. I'm almost done". "Good", I said. Then I added: "Let me come to the airport with you tomorrow. I really want to say goodbye". "Sure," he replied, "although it's not going to be a goodbye; just a see-you-later".

I laughed.

"I had better go now, darling. My parents are coming here to check on me. I will call you later. I love you", he said. Then he hung up.

I lied on my bed and stared at the white ceiling for a while, until my mom called me down for lunch.

...

"How are you? You look so depressed. I know it's really hard to be far from your boyfriend, but he is heading to university now. You're still too young, Julia. You are just 17. You know you can still find someone else".

"Mom, you don't understand. I don't want any other boy. I just want one boy. Alan... Oh my God, I will miss him so much".

I did not say another word. As soon as I finished eating, I left the house and made my way to Alan's. "Hi Julia, nice to see you here", he said. He invited me in and we sat on the couch that was in the dim corner of the living room. The television was on but it was muted. On the screen was the music video of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On. I turned up the volume. "Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on...". I started murmuring the song. A tear dropped out of my eye. Alan, as soon as he noticed this, grabbed the remote controller and turned off the television. "Come on, Julia. Yes, I will miss you, too, but I will be back", he said. I wiped my eyes and we went upstairs to Alan's bedroom. We talked and looked at the old pictures of the two of us.

Then we made out.

It was nine p.m. when I got back home. I spent some time reading. Then I had supper and went to bed.

The next day, Alan's parents picked me up on their way to the airport. When we arrived at the passport booths, I burst into tears again. I hugged him tight and watched him get further and further away from me.

...

My phone rang at one a.m. It was Alan. "I've arrived, sweetie. I am at Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport", he said."Good," I said. "I am glad that you are safe".

We talked for few minutes, despite the international call rates that was growing like a mountain. Then I went back to sleep.

Few weeks had passed and I realized that I missed him so much. I was feeling so lonely. I wish Alan were with me. But he wasn't. I knew that there was nothing I could do, so I just decided to move on and see what fate would bring me.

By the end of the first month that followed Alan's leave, a new student came to our school. Just like us, he was going to study his senior year at McCowan High. His name was Dan. As soon as he came into class, my best friend Olivia began to examine him. She suddenly poked me to get my attention. "Hot, isn't he?", she said. "You really got to hook me up with him".

"I will try", I replied, without even looking at her.

"Yo 'sup amigos?", Dan said, ignoring the awkward stares targeted towards him as a result of the first phrase he had put forward. Then, his eyes suddenly turned to me. "Hi", he said quietly, then took the seat beside mine. He lifted his hand up, attempting to shake mine. "You must be Julie", he said. "I am glad to meet you."

I replied: "Julia. And I am definitely not happy to meet you".

The desk beside me was pushed forward so hard; Olivia stood up. It made such a loud sound that I flinched. "It's amazing to meet you, Dan. I am Olivia. Maybe we could see a film together sometime?"

I had no idea why, but I was so pissed off. Without saying anything else, I left the classroom.

It had been three weeks after Dan's arrival and Alan never called me. He didn't answer my calls either. What if he forgot about me? What if he found someone else? I was feeling very lonely. I wish Alan was with me.

...

On the Friday that followed his arrival, Dan asked me out. As soon as I heard his proposal, I started yelling at him. The worst part was that it all happened in the school cafeteria. All my friends stared at me weirdly. I was so embarrassed, so I just left the school and went home.

When I arrived home, I started thinking about what happened just few minutes ago. Since it was a Friday evening, I had plenty of free time to think about it. So, I thought deeply about Dan's proposal for two to three hours. Alan was in Paris; far from here. He wasn't answering my calls. So. there could absolutely be nothing wrong with checking out new people. Besides, Alan would never hear about it. Eureka! I decided to talk to Dan on Monday.

In the beginning of next week, we had an early dismissal at school. So, Dan and I took advantage of this and went to cinema. We talked about random stuff. Then, in the evening, around 7 p.m., Dan gave me a ride home.

We kissed.

As soon as I entered home, I felt ashamed for being so rude to Dan when he first asked me out last week. He was so nice to me on our first date. I think I fell in love again, and I honestly thought that there was nothing wrong with it, since Alan had left me here on purpose to study college in Paris.

We were being so friendly to each other with Dan during that week of our first date. We spent all of the lunch breaks together. We talked, walked home together. On Saturday that followed that week, Dan invited me to his house. His parents were not at home, so we went straight upstairs to his bedroom.

It was the most exciting few minutes of my life.

...

On Sunday, Olivia called me. She said: "Julia, you've been spending your entire time with that new boy. I am very upset with you. Not because I was interested in him at first, but because you have betrayed Alan and forgotten about me in the past week. I think our friendship is over now". Then she hung up. I was so surprised. Olivia wasn't even supposed to interfere with my relationship with Alan, so I just ignored that part. But why would she feel that I forgot about her?

"Whatever", I suddenly said to myself, "Now that I have Dan in my life, everything will be perfect".

The next day at school, I saw Dan right at the main doors. As soon as he saw me, he held my hand and we made our ways upstairs to the hallway where our lockers were located.

I felt the warmness of Dan's hand, but it didn't last. When we arrived at our lockers, there was a big surprise waiting for me...

It was Alan.

Apparently, he came back to visit me, his friends and the teachers. He smiled when he saw me, but he suddenly got serious as he saw Dan's hands in mine.

"Hi, Julia. It is nice to see you here. I was planning on giving you a surprise, but apparently, you've already made some new decisions in your life. How dare you did this to me?", Alan said.

"I am sorry, Alan. But you were gone and I thought I should..."

He interrupted me: "You know what, I am not going to listen to you. I loved you, Julia. But I guess it's time for me to say goodbye now".

Dan looked so confused. He said: "Julia? You had a boyfriend? I didn't know that. I wouldn't have expected this from you".

Both Alan and Dan left without saying anything else.

I was all alone now.

Later in the evening, I thought about Alan's words. I really liked him, and he was right; I shouldn't have cheated on him. I called him to apologize, but he didn't pick it up.

I called him again on the next day.

Still, no reply...

Two days later, I heard a knock on my door. It was Alan. All he said was: "I am going back to Paris. I actually came back here to continue my studies where I could be close to you. But apparently, I made a wrong decision. Farewell, Julia". He started walking away. In a minute or two, he turned the street corner and disappeared.

I started crying.

Alan had left me alone. Dan had left me alone. It was all my fault. I wish I had been a better girlfriend. Alan and I were the perfect couple of McCowan High. After all I had done to Alan, I started thinking that I didn't deserve to live anymore.

With tears dropping out of my eyes, I went downstairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a knife. Dexter saw me. He seemed like he understood what I was about to do. I saw a pen and a paper on the table. I wrote my goodbyes on it. Dexter barked.

I closed my eyes, raised my hand, and felt the sharpness of the knife on my stomach.

Dexter barked.