Young Writers Society

IT'S KIND of a "NOT" FUNNY STORY

". . .there are no such things as shoulds and woulds in the universe. . .There are only things that could have turned out differently. You don't have any shoulds or woulds in your life. . .(Vizzini 146)" [1].

Imagine a place; a building that has no-matter-how-many floors. Picture yourself in that building, where you can wake up anytime in the morning, have bagels and coffee for breakfast; curry chicken, rice and chocolate pudding for lunch; and salmon, chips and salad for dinner. This building is a heaven, where all you do in a particular day is playing cards, listening to music, doing arts & crafts, and attending concerts of amateur guitarists.

Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, this place is not a kindergarten; nor is it a seven-star resort along the turquoise coast of South America.

It is in fact a building that nobody would ever want to go into.

It is a mental hospital.

...

What inspired me to write this essay was the novel "It's Kind of a Funny Story", written by Ned Vizzini, a great contemporary young adult author who has written five novels by the age of 32.

This piece is not a book review. However, we will be referring to "It's Kind of a Funny Story" very often.

"It's Kind of a Funny Story" is a novel in which Ned Vizzini talks honestly and openly about teenage depression and anxiety. The most significant aspect of the novel is that, although the novel is considered as fiction, it is in fact not; when Ned was a teenager, he had severe depression and anxiety that caused him to start on medication, then to get hospitalized because of the severity of his illness.

The main character of "It's Kind of a Funny Story" is called Craig. However, in this piece, we will be addressing him as Ned instead of Craig. This is because Craig is actually the exact same person as Ned Vizzini; the only difference is that he is a fictional character who Ned reflected his own personality through.

After going over, as Ned calls it, "tons of shit", Ned was finally able to recover completely from depression; he made it very clear in the end of his (non)-fiction novel.

Ned's anxiety was solely evolved around school, girls, and eventually, the worries about future. He was attending the most competitive high school in New York City, which, he thought, would lead him to get into a good college, and then to get a good job, and then to get rich, and then to get a girlfriend. However, due to the pressure he was feeling at school, he ended up in a psychiatric hospital instead of a good college.

According to "It's Kind of a Funny Story", Ned's mental hospital journey had started in the beginning of his first year in high school. He was working really hard to get good grades and to get into the right college. "Failing at school is failing at life (Vizzini 385)" [2], he thought. Due to the school pressure and anxiety, Ned started not to eat and not to sleep. Whatever he ate, he just threw it up.[3] Another problem Ned had in his teenage years was loneliness; he was sorrowful for not having a girlfriend, and afraid that he'd die alone.

Apparently, Ned was fed up with all these problems that he almost killed himself. For many weeks, he thought of jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge.

But he didn't.

He instead called the suicide hotline, and checked himself into hospital later on.

...

Let's refer back to the quotation provided in the beginning of this piece. Ned thought that he was so unlucky for having to go through anxiety and depression. That's why he wished he had been someone else, so that there would have been no stress in his life and that everything should have or would have turned out differently, or even perfectly. However, the person who he talked to over the suicide hotline told him that things only could have turned out differently, instead of would or should. (I've read this part of the novel at least three times, but I still don't understand what it means not to have shoulds or woulds in life).

Now, you are probably wondering where I am going with this. Here is the answer:

I am an 18 year-old teenager, studying the senior year in the most competitive high school of the city. In the past five years, I have been having a lot of difficulties adapting to the school environment and work pressure. The school stress, in fact, caused me to be anxious and depressed. It recently got so overwhelming. As a result, I started using medication. And last week, I almost killed myself. If I hadn't talked to a good friend of mine, I wouldn't be here writing this essay right now.

Yes, I am diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression, just like Ned. In his book, Ned has quoted what all the doctors in the world say: Anxiety and depression are definitely not something that people can just let go; they are chemical disorders inside the brain. Unfortunately, people who don't experience it never believe that it's chemical. Instead, they think that it's something emotional and unimportant.

When I was reading this book, I made a significant connection with Ned.

Just like Ned, I was afraid of not getting good marks in the most competitive school in the city, which made me afraid of not getting a good job, not getting rich, not getting a girlfriend, and dying lonely.

Just like Ned, I stopped eating and sleeping. I threw up really often due to anxiety and depression. Luckily, though, I've never gotten hospitalized...yet...

Just like Ned, I started going to psychotherapy and using antidepressant medicines.

Just like Ned, I felt ashamed and alienated. I still do. I don't think I belong to this society. I am different than my peers. I am a pathetic adolescent who will never be able to get married.

I am another Ned who thinks that this world is a horrible place to live in.

...

With the help of psychotherapy and medication, I started to feel better over time. When I finished the book, I felt extremely happy for Ned, and hopeful for myself.

On the second last page of "It's Kind of a Funny Story", Ned stated explicitly that he has recovered. I can clearly hear the cheer in his voice when he says "I don't know where my brain went. It got knocked off-kilter somewhere. It got caught up in some crap it couldn't deal with. But now it's back-connected to my spine and ready to take charge. Jeez, why was I trying to kill myself? (Vizzini 443)" [4].

Seeing that Ned recovered, I thought I could recover, too.

Seeing that Ned got a girlfriend, I thought I could get one, too.

My life will be much more amazing, I thought, right after finishing the novel. Then I decided to send an email to Ned, to let him know how amazing "It's Kind of a Funny Story" was, and how similar his experiences were to mine, as we both had the exact same symptoms of depression and anxiety.

In order to get his contact information, I tried to go to his official web site as provided at the back of the book.

This page cannot be displayed.

I used a search engine to get his contact information. What I found out puzzled me.

I have found out that only two months ago, two months before this day, this minute this piece is being written, Ned committed suicide by jumping off his apartment. He left his wonderful family-a wife and a son- behind.

...

Apparently, Ned had never recovered from depression. Having thought that he had, I was really confident that I could recover, too, until I learned about his death.

"It's Kind of a Funny Story" was indeed a hope for me. Ned's experiences were the exact same as mine. Ned wrote a book about his anxiety and how he "recovered". In addition, he made money from the sales of his book. He made me, and all of his readers that were in the same situation as him, believe that life was beautiful, and that depression could be cured.

Ned is not with us anymore...

So what does this mean? It means that my anxiety will never be cured.

It means that I, too, will possibly end up killing myself like Ned did.

It means that I, too, will possibly always be a loser.

It means that I, too, will possibly be gone soon.

Gone to a place where I can't eat curry chicken, salmon, or chips.

Gone to a place where I can't play cards, listen to music, do arts & crafts, or attend concerts of amateur guitarists.

Gone to where Ned has gone.

[1] Ned Vizzini - It's Kind of a Funny Story. pg 146

[2] Ned Vizzini - It's Kind of a Funny Story. pg 385

[3] In case you don't know, vomiting is a really common symptom of depression or anxiety.

[4] Ned Vizzini - It's Kind of a Funny Story. pg 443