Sometimes I feel I’m very weak
I can’t breathe I can’t speak
The pain carries on
Until my tears stream is gone
And sometimes I feel that I fly high
No boundaries can stop me no sign
Really I can’t understand myself
And this situation makes me upset
Life and I are not friends
It is cruel and it makes you mad
It may gives you some lights of happiness but rapidly it makes you sad
I’m too young to say that life is a game
But life and passion aren’t the same
They may give you the power and make from you a fighter
But In passion you lives in a fairy map
And when you wake up the reality gives you a flap.
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Hi marwa, have a good day! Dream here with review on your poem.
First of all, your poem have denotation and also connotation meanings implied within your poem. Some lines are easy to understand, where you disclose it outright.
The implied meaning is not difficult to detect. It is about something that happens in life there are good and bad scene. It's a reality of life.
The imagery of the poem also nice. You include the sense of sight in your poem;
Feeling is something invisible, taste or touch. You has created this abstract word to something that concrete.
The same with the figurative languages. You use some to enhance the beauty of the poem.
1.Simile- life is a game .
2.Metaphor-lives in a fairy map
3.Personification-It is cruel and it makes you mad, the reality gives you a flap
When reading the whole part of the poem and understand the messages you want to point up, I can conclude that the theme is the tough and happy is a pert of life even sometimes you ended up in frustration. The tone of the poem is of course frustration, cynicism and depression tone of voice.
Just a few things that you might overlooked here is the diction used in some lines are not really fit with the connection;
*Use punctuation so that the meaning is clear.
Overall, this is actually a good poem to read. I was really impressed with the end f your poem! The diction actually can be improve. Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers.
thanks
The Messenger Knight here to review for KotGR.
So the biggest bug in this is the fact that you have no punctuation. Not only does it not look as good, but in some places the lines were confusing because there were no commas separating phrases. I would definitely consider adding it into this poem.
Also, your rhyming threw e off. You had rhyming for the first couple lines, but then it switched, throwing me off completely. Then you brouhaha it back to rhyme for some of the last lines. I would consider either making this free-verse, or rhyming everything.
I hope this helps. I think your writing itself was very nice.
Keep it up!
thanks
Really dramatic, epic and sad poem here! You seem to have a talent into showing your views in poems! I especially liked the opening paragraph and it really set me into the feeling of sadness!
One thing to make it better though, (this is a review!) it would be great if you added commas and ellipses in some places to really slow down the poem and make it more dramatic.
Nice poem
thanks