Onion Stew (for english class)
The South is like a wild onion
Sweet, but spicy too
Perhaps even a bit bitter
Sometimes, anyway
If you dress it up in hoop skirts and rosemary
You might mistake for something fancy
But strip the stew of all its other ingredients
And you'll see that
The onion really is just a plain sort of folk
Sweet and a bit spicy
Paper Fox Heart (written upon finding a best friend I had not talked to in 5 years)
Paper fox memories
Unfolding before me
Once lost, now found
That they had been here all along
Nestled in my heart
Rather than the piles of laundry
On my bedroom floor
Orbs of watercolor light
Dancing and bobbing in a mason jar of water
I dream of peach blossoms and duck feathers
Snowy white
I Don't Even Like Them (a haiku)
Sometimes I cry when
Ladybugs die and then I
Curse my foolishness
Blacklight Fruit (another haiku, kind of methaphory...?)
So sweet and glowing
Tastes like being young and wild
Tastes like blacklight fruit
Velvet Spider (not really a full poem but whatever...)
Velvet spider, velvet spider
Brown and black stripe miniature tiger
Strawberry Vampire (more haiku. i was mad at a guy.)
I denounce my love
You strawberry blonde vampire
You're not who I thought
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Wow, this is really different and interesting...confusing at some points, but I really liked reading this. Keep up the good work
I don't really have any specific critiques for this, but I think all of these poems have great potential. I really like Paper Fox Hearts, even though it didn't make much sense. I guess that's what I like about it..
You have a very interesting style, and I like the simplicity of the poems. They are very straightfoward and easy to read. Yet, they still provoke some thought.
Anyways, good job. If you ever decide to expand on some of these poems (though I do prefer shorter poems myself) let me know so I can read them (: Bravo, happy writing!
]I liked most of these poems but I'm going to review one by one.
This line, although it fits with the rhythm, it doesn't really work. I cant explain it so maybe it's just me but I think it was the 'anyway' that threw me.1. Onion stew
This was my favourite of your poems, it was funny yet I could see it as true. Plain folk do seem sweet but spicy yet quite simple.
On to the nitpicks!
I think that's all; on to number 2!
2.Paper Fox Heart
I have no proper nit-picks for this one, although I have to say I didn't understand the reasoon you suddenly transitioned into describing your laundry. It confused me! I suppose though, that a good poem makes the reader think and you
definately did that so well done
I have nothing to say! I just laughed and went to counting the syllables - you have all 17 and that's the only thing I could think to say. I really liked it
I don't know what blacklight fruit is buuuut I'm going to review anyway (or attempt to).
The only nitpick I have here is that you repeated the word 'taste' at the beginning of the two last lines. See if you can find a different word.
I'm not going to review this as it was a very short piece of work. I think you need to keep it and do something with it but don't post it just yet. We don't really have the abilities to offer constructive criticsm to such a short piece. Take it, add to it, repost it.
Last one coming up!!
It's never that simple.
So that's it from me!! If you have any questions feel free to post on my profile or send me a message or something
Thanks for the review! Yeah, I don't understand the blacklight fruit either. Hahaha. XD Loved hearing your memories of the climbing tree and spiders.
I love this, I'm tired, I can't think of a critique, I'm sorry.
I like Onion Stew. Tis true.
I don't get the transition to laundry in Paper Foxes, but it reminds me of watching The Fox and the Hound with a childhood friend I haven't seen in years. (The poem as a whole.)
I'm not a big fan of haikus either (Or poetry in general, really) but they're kinda easy to write. Just count syllables and BAM! poem.
Oh, and I protect spiders and "skeeter eaters" and I cried when my mom started cutting down the tree in the backyard (it's my old climbing tree! There are memories there!) so don't feel bad.
Blacklight fruit? Fruit eaten under a blacklight? What?
I write min-poems, but I leave them till I can finish them.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. (See my signature--that one got finished just today, actually.)
People rarely are.
This was a long review for a tired person with no critique.