Untitled
I don't think about you day and night.
I don't want to write a million tiny poems about you.
You don't haunt my dreams and
You're not beautiful.
I think I may love you.
It Was So Much More
It was more than slavery
It was our bondage to them
They wanted us wrapped around
their finger
In the palm of their hand
But we bit that hand
And that makes us vicious,
A monster to be put down
We made mistakes, but so did they
And we will never die
Breaking Ten
We piled the stones high, lit a fire, said a prayer,
Chanted and bowed and laughed at the stupidity
Of it all
Drank in the summer air, dizzied by
It all
One is living for the moment
Two is the altar we built
Three is the anger we shouted
Four is this night
Five was taken care of long ago
Six - we paused here - we had killed her inside,
Though she still walked and breathed
Seven is the joy and fear we knew
Eight is the pack of powdered donuts
Lying on the altar
Nine is where we were supposed to be
Ten is… what is ten?
I don't yet know
A hole in my heart
I sit down and cry
As they dance around the fire
Soon they join, and we caterwaul into the night,
All contorted faces and streams of tears on our cheeks
And we are forgiven.
Cup of Tea
It's not my cup of tea, I said.
Really then? said he. Whose is it?
How should I know?
Then which one is yours?
I thought for a moment.
It's sweet, said I.
It tastes like bedtime and thunderstorms
And a thousand nights in that place I called home
Like an African sunset and a good old book,
All musky leather and memories
And I've been searching for it for far too long
Islands Inside Of Me
Sometimes I feel
As though there are islands inside me
And all I have to do is go inside myself
If I wish to be free
There I am creator, legend, queen and saint
And everything's changeable, colorful
Like fresh wet paint
I feel the wind against my face
And smell the deep sweet smell
Water running under my hand
Ripples where petals fell
Sometimes I feel the islands are too big
To keep within my heart
But I have no way to share them
Where would I even start?
I've been on a journey to find a way to share
This place no one else knows, this place where
I can escape and rest in peace
Where I'm always in control
There, I'm always needed
When the day takes its toll
But it's too big for music, words or pictures
It's too big for my heart, and it's too big for yours
Maybe one day I'll find someone to share
This weight with me
With all its joys and all its pains and what it
Means to be free
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Untitled
I don't think about you day and night.
I don't want to write a million tiny poems about you.
You don't haunt my dreams and
You're not beautiful.
I think I may love you. I just want to say that i think this is PERFECT
It Was So Much More
Itwas more than slaveryIt was our bondage to themperiod
They wanted us wrapped around
their finger
and In the palm of their handcomma
But we bit that hand
And that makes us vicious, you were already vicious as you were biting the hand that fed you. correct?
A monster to be put downperiod
We made mistakes, but so did they
And we will never die this theme wasn't in the poem at all until this line. Try to keep at least one thought going until the end.
They were all good. But I didn't like how you put them all in one post; that makes it kind of hard to read and focus on. I liked the details of them though, and how they each had a diferent feeling. Keep writing [:
First off, in the future please only put one poem in a post. It makes it easier for the reviewer to focus and doesn't seem quite so overwhelming to a reviewer. That said, I'm going to give at least a general impression for each poem, as well as any suggestions I have.
Untitled: Don't know why, but I liked this one a lot.
It Was So Much More: This wasn't bad, but I had no clue what you were talking about. Who are the slaves/masters? Why are they monsters who will never die?
Breaking Ten: This poem had some really good images. However, I'm rather confused as to what's going on. They're having a summer bonfire, then counting down something...then they killed someone inside? Then at the end the narrator cries, and then they all cry...then they're forgiven (for killing whoever they killed)? I feel like I missed something here. I'm not sure if there's any way to make this poem clearer.
Cup of Tea: Absolutely loved this one. Great imagery.
Islands Inside of Me: Overall, I liked this one. However, it seemed like the rhyme scheme kept changing. It might make more sense if you divided this into stanzas.
Another thing: I think all of your poems could benefit from standard punctuation. It's distracting to the reader not seeing periods where they should be. That plus no stanza breaks makes the poem seem like a giant run on sentence.
So there's my take on each of your poems. Overall, I think you are a talented poet. Keep writing!