inspire me to do something great
inspire me to love not hate
inspire me to have fun today
inspire me to think in a new way
inspire me to stand up for myself
inspire me to take care of my health
inspire me to do whats right
inspire me not to try with all my might
so if u have inspired me in anyway
then im saying thankyou today
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hey there!
this poem needs a little more... how do I say it? ... Umph. It has the attitude, and you have the idea, but you don't have the right guidelines set to back it up.
In other words, you need to edit it just a little.
I would start out by going through and reading this out loud to yourself. Does it make sense? Do you have to stop anywhere and go, "wait, okay... that's right,"? Then maybe your rhythm's off. there were just a couple spots like that.
^^^ this is one of them. All you have to do is word it differently. I would say, "inspire me to try with all my might," (just taking out the "not"), but that's just me.
Also, you need to get your grammar going in the right direction. At the moment, you really just need to make sure you're not making silly mistakes like 'u' instead of 'you' *hint, hint* or not putting a space in... *nudge, nudge*
Well, it looks like that's really it. I think Ellie got to the most of it, so I'll leave it at this and hope when I come back you've changed it! This has the potential for a really nice poem and I can't wait to see it when you've edited it. Please PM me when you do.
Love,
Fixed
Hey Madi!
Welcome to YWS! We met briefly chat, and now I'm here to review.
I'll say now that this wasn't that good. It seemed a little bit flat, and the repetition of 'inspire me' does not work to your advantage. Maybe if you had twice, once and the beginning and once at the end, it would be better and not be such a mouthful for the reader.
Also, your grammar is horrendous. Just because this is a poem does not mean that it's exempt from grammar. First off, you need to capitalize and form sentences. The way you have it written now, we would have to say the whole poem in one long breath without any pauses. I'm sure you know the basic grammar guidelines, so I won't tell you what to do, but I have a few other things I want to nitpick.
Never, ever use chat-speak in your writing. It makes you seem very unprofessional, like you don't care about your poem.
Also, 'whats' should have an apostrophe after the 't'.
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Good luck, and I hope you keep writing.
-Elinor
Hey there, I'm Poem. Welcome to YWS!
Is this supposed to be "Inspire me to try with all my might"? I wasn't sure, but it doesn't seem to it with the rest of you poem.I liked this poem, but it was rather short. Maybe you could try adding some length to it, perhaps an example of all of the things that you were inspired to do.
"U" should be "You".
There was a lack of punctuation here, but I'm not sure if you wanted it this way or not. If you don't then you should have the "im" in the last line as "I'm". You may also want to capitalize some of the "inspires". It's up to you.
Anyway, I liked the meaning behind this. keep up the great work, and PM me if you need anything.
~Poem