Melancholic fancies drift down from the sky, Colorful tears that fall from the eyes, Of the trees that stand so proud and high.
The joy of the pigment combines with new death.
A fanfare of brilliance that comes with last breaths ,
Shows in the paintings that ‘round trees enwreath.
Hailing a time where creation will sleep
When the trees will stop with their picturesque weeping
And snow on the ground will only keep deepening.
But with a dark night there will always be morn.
New growth, new spring, new daylight, new dawn. And again the green of new life will adorn.
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Very good! I rarely see poems with such good meter and rhyme like this, so it's certainly a pleasant surprise!
Grammatical
Dang it-- I can't find anything grammatically wrong with this poem except for 1 thing!
Enwreath is spelled Enwreathe with an "E".
Good job! That means either you are genius (Wow!) or you have proofread a lot (Awesome!). Either way, you did great!
Technical
Okay, so the rhythm here is all right. I don't want to make it any better in fear of messing up the structure, so no problems with rhythm.
However, I do have a slight nit-pick with the rhyming.
"Weeping" and "Deepening" are kind of close as a rhyme, but there IS a solution! In poetry, as you know, you can change words a bit so that you can match the rhyme, alliteration, or rhythm. In this case, it's rhyme. So in your poem, you can change it to "Deep'ning" instead of "Deepening". That'll be a closer rhyme.
No matter how close they look, "Death" and "Enwreath" are not rhymes. You could try to find another word to rhyme, such as cloaketh or surroundeth.
Since in the last two stanzas, you went with an AAA rhyme format, you should also have that same rhyme format here; you can change "will sleep" to "is sleeping" to rhyme!
Plot
Okay, so this is definitely a descriptive poem. It's somewhat dramatic, but it's "Somewhat" dramatic because it doesn't have the powerful wording of a dramatic poem.
This one seems to be like an "End of the Universe" kind of poem. I like how you explain everything from "Shows in the paintings that 'round trees enwreathe." to "New growth, new spring, new daylight, new dawn."
All of it is painstakingly planned, and that's what I love about this poem. A carefully planned poem is something that is fun to read. Also, I love the word usage you have here; picturesque, melancholic, enwreathe, etc.
Anyways, I hope you were satisfied with this review!
Bon Voyage!
-y0sH!
You poem is so elegant, I loved how you used the changing of the seasons in it. You imagery is amazing, and you use great description throughout the poem. You use such unique words, and you make it rhyme so beautifully. Using words like "Melancholic fancies", "picturesque weeping", and "fanfare of brilliance". You describe everything so beautiful, and I feel like I can picture the changing of the seasons perfectly in my head. You use such great description and your words have such meaning and importance to them. The flow of your poem is beautiful, and your punctuation is perfect.
My favorite stanza is the ending because it brings perfect closure to the poem.
"But with a dark night there will always be morn.
New growth, new spring, new daylight, new dawn. And again the green of new life will adorn."
Overall great job, you are a very talented writer. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Thanks for the review!!
This is just beautiful. You took the passing of seasons and turned it all into such an elegant poem.
The imagery is incredible and your word choice throughout the poem is just stunning, more "melancholic fancies" to "picturesque weeping." Just the way you describe the seasons is stunning, it feels like a totally new perspective and way of viewing it.
I honestly can't describe this feeling other than shockingly beautiful. I love how deep the meaning is in each line and I love the way it encourages you to look deeper and analyze the meaning.
The flow of the poem is beautiful and further accented by the rhymes which really help wrap each of the stanzas together.
I love this so much <3 Fantastic job!