i’m in love with a tarnished version of you
one that ceased to be
polished and marred till the surface beneath
shows all but reality
i’m stuck with that image of your perfection
it’s all that i can see
i’m entranced by a faded likeness of you
warped shadow beneath a tree
we are trapped by this vision you made of yourself
longing to be set free
and when i finally escape from this prison
will i realize you failed me?
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
This is literally so amazing. "I'm stuck with that image of your perfection, It's all that I can see" is my favorite line. It was so perfect in a way that I could relate to it strongly. The feeling of liking someone that you idolized and thought of as perfect and then finding out who they really are, yet you keep holding on to them thinking of them as that perfect person from before. Even when they've shown their true self to you and you know they're not right. Over all, this poem really got to me and made me think about the guy I like and what kind of person he has really shown to be. Thank you for this masterpiece!!
I'm glad my writing could make you think XD That is, after all, my ultimate goal.
Hii, Euphoria here! This poem spoke straight to my heart, it's something most can understand easily I would say. But despite being so simple, you have captured it in the most beautiful way I've ever seen and I appreciate that very much!
My favourite part has got to be the way you ended the poem with the line "will I realize you failed me?" AAAAAAAAA THAT'S WHAT I CALL A STAB TO MY SOUL ENDING! and I love it.
And your word choice was pure beauty throughout: "warped shadow" "entranced" "polished and marred" Yes yes yes
This is a delightful poem overall and I urge you to keep pumping out poetry like this!
Thank you for sharing and keep growing <3
Thank you so much for the review!!! I'm glad you like it
You're most welcome!!! I definitely enjoyed it <3
Hello Madeline and welcome to YWS, cactuslily here for a review!
I just wanna say that I can totally relate to this. That feeling of falling for the image/perception of someone instead of seeing them for who they really are. It's that romanticized version of someone who we fall for and once the veil is ruined, we can finally see what is underneath. You captured that message quite well in your poem!!
Specifics:
Love this!! The description of "polished and marred" reminds me of a porcelain doll but underneath the paint, it is cracked and damaged. Awesome!!
Overall, I really enjoy the rhyme scheme and rhythm! It's entrancing and dreamy in a way like a lullaby which does not deter from the message of the poem but adds to it which I really appreciate.
Keep it up!!
-cactuslily
Thank you so much
I love this so, so much. It captures the pain of learning someone we care about isn't who we thought they are, and the struggle of wanting to idolize them, wanting them to be as perfect as we thought they were. It shows the heartbreak of loving someone who isn't real anymore, someone who might not have ever been real, who was an illusion.
I love your steady rhythm and the way the poem flows is amazing. Your rhymes are steady which also makes the flow impressive.
The ending is stunning, the question is perfect, and everyone who has had someone like this in their life and understand and relate. I love this, amazing job <3
Thank you so much!! I'm glad you like it
Np, you did an amazing job on this ^-^
Madeline, Madeline,
MADELINE.
I love this so much. I've always loved your work!
The first stanza is immaculate.
"i’m in love with a tarnished version of you
one that ceased to be,"
The writer was shown a side of a person (I assume) that wasn't neccessarily their true colors, and I know how much that can hurt, and you encapsulated this perfectly. The tone is drenched in melancholy. It's just..PERFECT.
Cheers!
-MintyLeaf <3
Thank you so much!!! The first stanza is also my favorite
All the best,
Madeline