Unpredictable Emotions.

When I look inside at my emotions, or even reflect on my life, it feels unpredictable. They seem to shift up and down, like the crests and troughs of a tall roller coaster. I never fully know how I feel, as it's often hard to comprehend. It might surprise me how I truly feel, which can be quite disconcerting. I often feel nauseous when contemplating my unpredictability. Thoughts of my ever-shifting feelings make me want to scream. One moment I despise my friends, and the next I can't bear to be far from their presence. My Unpredictability also affects the way I perceive, Piercings is a topic of my constant internal turmoil. I fear how it may be perceived, yet I remain drawn to it.

When I admire, or like someone, my insides become a tempest. Sharp little tiger sharks rip and rend my essence. As if I'm slowly decaying while being torn apart from within, a slow agony that may consume me. I detest everything about the way that I feel, but I refrain from expressing these sentiments for fear of being mocked or criticized. As I traverse the roller-coaster of my emotions, the dread of being perceived as inferior overwhelms my inner voice. Even when I am at my lowest point, where I have little regard for the feelings of others, I am constantly anxious of what others might say about me. When I Read aloud, this work will undoubtedly elicit a barrage of criticism, with some students suggesting that its author be identified and singled out.

The writer of these words is undoubtedly a lonely individual, yearning for connection and acceptance.…Although, When I sit in class, silent and motionless, the mere thought of being the author of these writings is almost enough to overwhelm me. No one in the classroom would ever admit to creating such bleak and morose stories, and yet, every student will attempt to guess who it might be. It is a lonely existence, filled with longing and a desperate search for understanding. It is highly unlikely that any student in the class would have written this story, as only roughly 4 out of 12 students are likely to have authored it. Furthermore, each student would attempt to discern the identity of the writer among the others, leading to a flurry of curiosity and conjecture.

This brief composition exemplifies my unpredictable nature. I start off by discussing my fluctuating feelings, then suddenly switch to speaking about my physical appearance. After that, I ponder how others may view and judge me for writing such odd material. However, despite this constant shifting, one thing always remains consistent: my focus on others. In this world of high school, it seems that there are only two extremes - either you are living your best life, or your world is falling apart and you don't know how to cope. When my feelings lie somewhere in the middle, it feels like I am going mentally insane.

As I contemplate my future, I sense my resolve starting to waver. While I may pursue higher education, find love and possibly start a family, the reality that death is inevitable haunts me. Despite accumulating valuable experiences throughout life, I fear being confined to a chair while barely clinging to life at 76. It feels as though enjoyment is solely derived through others' approval, but my contradictory status among others leaves me utterly conflicted. I feel as though I am being constantly dragged between the two extremes and it causes deep distress, making me question whether or not I will ever feel a sense of true happiness, true happiness where I don’t feel the need to force myself to be happy.

In the world of high school, many individuals fail to grasp the experience of feeling like nothing but an insignificant speck. It is as though one is constantly being overlooked and ignored to the point where they must either adopt a new persona or mimic that of another individual. This causes me to question whether I am even a real being or if I am simply an invisible force which exists only to be exploited. I envision myself as nothing more than a necessary tool, being present yet unrecognized. It appears that my help is utilized daily, yet no one notices my existence or even cares to acknowledge it.

So, as I sit in this classroom, God knows what. I look around and and just hate everything, My eyes scan the surroundings and I feel nothing but loathing. I despise how I am unable to excel in the things that I enjoy, such as mathematics. It is incredibly frustrating, or how I am often forced to listen to girls complain about feelings of ugliness, yet they still manage to find boyfriends due to their beauty. It angers me, as I feel that none of us are exceptional, and we all need to accept that fact. It’s fair to not like someone, Although that doesn’t mean you have to be an imbecile, jerk, or even weird about it.…Guys, don't be a jerk to girls simply because they express their feelings for you (same goes for women). Girls are capable of deep and intense love, and when they feel that way, it's a beautiful and precious thing. Unfortunately, in my current situation, I have developed feelings for a guy that I know will never reciprocate my emotions. Even though I realize I have some appealing qualities, I honestly believe I am ugly. My friends disagree and claim that I look amazing, but I refuse to accept their opinions. To witness my friends call themselves ugly while demonstrating absolutely no worries or hesitations in life infuriates me.

Even though I write this…Essay? The thought of just wanting to stop writing is crossing my mind, so that's what I’m gonna do. Cause no matter how much I raise my inner voice you all become deaf, and ignore me. Which is perfectly fair because, who wants to listen to an airhead that doesn’t even know their own life.