One last thing
Can’t seem to forget
The ears ring
But eyes not wet
Memory calls me back
Remember it all
Will I crack?
Let it all fall?
Take a trip into the past
Reserved, temperamental, and calm
Thinking it’ll last
Not knowing it’ll go out like a bomb
Wish I coulda expressed myself a little more
Had so many hidden feelings
Before you rushed out the door
Walls and layers peeling
Head of stone, heart of glass
Not thinking
Holding up such a great mass
Hopes sinking
It was going swell
Or so I thought
Oh well
At least I fought
Only had a taste
Just a little bit
It went to waste
They didn’t really fit
Time is short, life goes fast
Chaos unleashed, love is gone
Heart won’t beat, clock won’t last
Waters streaming, bow drawn
Here you’ll find me, craving your call
Doors closed, heart shut
Mumbling lonelily against the wall
Wanting a second chance, but no, I’m stuck
Realizing I only get to see you in dreams
But even then you’re fading away
Oh how brightly you used to gleam
But you put me off my path; led me astray
Felt full of joy
You got in my head
Tossed around like a toy
Heart left in shreds
I don’t know what I was looking for
I was scared, nervous; new
I thought it’d be nice— not a war
Now my feelings are few
Happy, soft, warm
Walls down, no guard
Thoughts and mind torn
Embedded in me like shards
I still care
But only a little
It’s hard to bear
After being so crippled
Yeah… progress is being made
I’ll try to forget
Hopefully you’ll fade
But eyes won’t be wet.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,216 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hello, here for a quick review!
Your poem was really lovely and it made me feel a lot of emotions all at once. I can feel this person's struggle to get up and it makes me want to reach out to them and tell them that everything is going to be okay. I think that is brilliant because that's what poems are supposed to do, or any form of art or writing for that matter - make you feel connected to other people and their stories.
I like how real and honest your poem was, you didn't use big flowery words and that I think made your poem feel more genuine.
"Hopefully you’ll fade
But eyes won’t be wet."
The last two lines were absolutely lovely and I know it will stick with me for some time.
Good job on the poem. Have fun with your writing and stay safe!
Ahhh thanks so much!
Hello!
First, this poem is organized neatly. Sometimes authors employ a stylistic device to alter the stanzas and the text in them, but there was no need here to! As for the motif of this poem, I believe that it is the slow ascent of recovery from being at the lowest, mentally, you may have been. Which I enjoyed. I appreciate when authors write poems about what they are struggling with because most of the time the reader has gone through similar feelings and situations.
The repetition you utilized as the basis for the reader's internal intonation was an excellent choice! My favorite stanza is this: "Yeah... progress is being made / I'll try to forget / Hopefully you'll fade / But eyes won't be wet."
Great work!
LCP ✻
FANKS SO MUCHHH
reviews are appreciated UwU