Away

Wow. So this poem actually gave me school anxiety and I haven't been a student in years. I am a teacher though so I still get that type of anxiety portrayed in the poem. I guess that was the point of the poem though! It's very well done and I love all the onomatopoeia and imagery going on. It makes me feel like I am back sitting in a loud and poorly managed classroom again.

Hi, hello! This is Ina speaking.

I like how you interpreted emotions with a mix of chaos and being anxious. Sometimes, especially when I was younger I would feel this way but don't worry, I'm okay. It also reminds me of those old poems my mom used to make me read for English subject. Feeling like this is really hard, I hope you're okay. You are a good writer and good at expressing emotions like this. Keep it up! I would read this when I feel this way and maybe it would make me feel better.

Merry Christmas. Have a good day/night.

I am a sucker for formatting and onomatopoeia. This definitely hits the mark when it comes to both of those things, and perfectly encapsulates the quiet chaos that anxiety causes a person. Falling apart from the inside out is the worst feeling..and this is it.

Great job.

Hello! I'll leave a quick review on what I felt while reading your poem.

First, I am definitely into the basic premise of this poem. You want me to feel viscerally what you are experiencing, and my mind and heart are open to trying to feel whatever you're trying to give me. I love this type of poem.

However, because it feels like these moments are not attached to one another, I couldn't get very engaged reading through silently and tried reading aloud. When I read aloud, I didn't like the questions -- I am up for a description that makes me feel scattered and scared and upset, but for whatever reason, I want that to be a confident, solid description without questions. Maybe instead of question marks, you can present multiple options like "a tree branch or a desked ruler" -- this leaves the potential open, but I don't need to have a question in my voice when I read it aloud.

Next, the section about eyes/judgement/whispers seemed a little too obvious and explanatory, and took me out of FEELING the anxiety that had been building in the previous stanzas. Now it's a social commentary -- there are suddenly other people in my vision, but I'm wondering if you can find a way to describe that from within -- what is the reaction that the watching eyes cause internally?

In fact, it seems like the ending of your poem, which I really love, actually might do that. To have a fixed gaze and then turn away, this feels like I am definitely not able to connect with another person, which suggests the idea of other people without naming them or having me look at them. It focuses just on what I am doing -- gazing and then gazing away (from those people).

I hope these thoughts make sense and are helpful for you! If you have any questions about them, please let me know.

Hannah