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She walked over to the shining black piano and started playing. Imagining dark hallways, burning candles, and cobweb covered ceilings. She played with her heart, not from pieces of paper. When people heard her music they felt what she felt, and usually ended up crying. Her sad desprairing songs drug you in and kept you hostage, even after they were finished. It was like she took a bit of your soul every song, every concert. You would leave felling empty and unhappy, almost like you were a ghost. But sh ewould feel happy, and blissfull, those were the only times she did. Some who went to every concert ended up becoming drone like, dead like. One particular individual, Mrs. Jona Balance, had gone happy, and left staring in blacnknees at nothing at all with tears streaming down her face, sometimes she could barley find her way back to her own house only a few blocks away, back to her son.
"Miss Saranai," Mayton, the butler called, "tea is ready in the drawing room, and your father,"
"Call me Sara, I hate Sarania!" Sara yelled, but Mayton continued
"Your father wishes you to look your best, there is a lady guest." And with that he left.
She hated being called Sarania, but Mayton thought it improper to go by anything other than your full name. Mayton thought many thing to be improper.
Sara walking, huffing with anger, over to the window and pulled the dusty moth eaten curtains back just a sliver. If she was caught she would be punished, again, but she didn't care. Sara loved the bright sunlight, the fresh air smell, and most of all the smell of the tomatoes the gardener grew under the window sill right next door.
Painfully she drew the curtains closed and was once again, back in the damp dreary house she was prisoner in. She could haev escaped during the performances, but the few presious belongings she were all at the house. And she could not leave unless she had a death wish, for her father had cut away a pice of her soul when she was three and never let go of it, it was his way of making sure she never left his side. But then she thought back Mayton and her father, especially her father, who always insisted on keeping the curtains closed, the mansion light by only a few drooping candles. She hated it here.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This is an interesting beggining to a story, but here are a few comments I had:
First of all, as I have gathered, you posted your story in two places, which isn't really necessary. I will just post my review here since I didn't see the other one.
Secondly, you have a lot of typos and misspellings, and a few grammatical errors. Here are a couple of examples:
'Her sad desprairing songs'
here there is a mispelling, and if her songs are despairing, we sortof know that they are sad. you should find out another term to describe it.
'But sh ewould feel happy, and blissfull,'
the obvious error is that the space is in the wrong place for she. also I would say that you are again using two different words that mean the same thing to describe a feeling.
'Mrs. Jona Balance, had gone happy, and left staring in blacnknees at nothing at all with tears streaming down her face, sometimes she could barley find her way back to her own house only a few blocks away, back to her son. '
first of all, why is she giving concerts in the first place? does she invite people? is her father making her play for people to earn money? or something else? also, how can she be staring in blackness? (which, by the way is not spelled blacknees) also, there should be a comma in front of nothing at all. also, who is her son? Is he the reason she is so upset by the music? if so, you should elaborate on why he is the cause of her misery.
'"Miss Saranai," Mayton, the butler called, "tea is ready in the drawing room, and your father,"
what is her father? I think you meant:
"teais ready is the drawing room, and your father is waiting for you"
or something like that.
'Mayton thought many thing to be improper.'
I think you meant things.
'Sara walking, huffing with anger'
it should be walked.
'She could haev escaped during the performances, but the few presious belongings she were all at the house.'
haev should be have, and presious should be precious. you are also missing a word after she and before were, if you don't out in a had it won't make sence.
I couldn't find any things besides that, and with a little editing and a spell check, you should be ok. You also left a few things hanging, so I can't wait to read chapter 2.
Dear, you don't need to post the same story more than once.