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Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

She

by AkuRashomon


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

TW: mentions of abuse and suicide 

She’s got a lovely life with a beautiful husband and four wonderful children. She lives in a place filled with nature where the clouds aren’t gray. Every morning, she gets a cup of morning coffee with her husband and talks to the colleagues she has connected with, even her husband. Then, when she goes back home, she cleans the house and greets her children as one of them cooks her favorite meal. Her son goes to work and says goodbye to her. She strikes up conversations with them like they are her friends, like people she could run to. Her children help each other clean the kitchen while she fixes more stuff in the house. Then, when she is not full from the meal she ate, she works out in the beautiful afternoon. She listens to Sade, Nat King Cole, and Michael Jackson. Then she gets a quick shower and cleans the bathroom.

Her husband or her whole family goes out to the mall or a simple restaurant. She likes hanging out with them while her silly dog barks because he can’t see all the family members. And in the night, one of her children massages her feet and legs. After a long day, she spent time and energy living a good life with her family. Sometimes they fight and misunderstand her, but she and her family work hard to fix their mistakes. People think she and her family are a "perfect" family, but nothing is perfect except for the Supreme Being that helped this woman forget and cut off her old family and have a better life than the one she once lived in.

She was once a girl. A girl who lived a cruel life with brutal parents. Parents that nag and yell every morning and every morning were always fast-pacing for her. She would be quick to leave home early. Her mom and dad were arguing about money. Her mom loved being a narcissist. Her dad was a cheater and a hard drinker. Her mom wanted to marry a rich man, and her dad liked many women at once. She had the mindset to leave the place after graduating because her parents expected her to have good grades. She would say in her mind, "School is the escape of home, and home is the escape of school." School might be seven blocks away, but she would love to be late because her bullies wait for her in the main entrance.

In school, she would miss math classes because older students would dunk her head in toilets, drag her by her underwear and hair, and throw her frail body down the stairs. From the rooftop to the ground floor. Then, her bullies would cover these matters up like it was the girl’s fault. So, she gets sent to detention. She is always the only person there. People thought she hated it, but she loved it. ‘Cause no one is hurting her and giving her a physical and emotional roller coaster. For hours and hours, from morning to afternoon, she would stay in detention. From afternoon to evening, she would go to the library and study. Then, send a report to all her teachers. It’s dark outside, but she’d love to be run over by a car anyway.

As she steps into her home, she sees her parents still arguing, and there is no food on the table because they can’t even afford rice and soy sauce or fish sauce. They see her with bruises and scratches, then slap her in the face for having them. Her tired, haggard body is so sick of all the things people do to her. Her parents part ways; one goes out to hunt out pretty women, and the other dreams of a better life. While the girl cleans and fixes the house. Since she knows it’ll snow the next day, at least she can cool the bruises and wounds herself.

For many years, she prayed and wished to have a better life than the living hell she is living in. She shouts, "I am a rager teenager living a horrid lifestyle." She wanted parents that are madly in love with each other rather than getting furious at each other every day, then yelling and yelling until the sun goes down. She thought of jumping off the nearby cliff, but the farmer might find her body and tell her parents. So she sits quietly on the staircase of her home while her parents snore loudly. She takes the kitchen knife and grits her teeth, bracing for the pain she is going to feel when she puts the knife in her veins. Blood runs down her wrists to the wooden floorboards. She cuts her wrist once more, then goes to bed, leaving her bleeding until she thinks she’ll lose a lot of blood from all those cuts. She stared at the ceiling and dissociated as the tinnitus rang in her ears because of all the yelling and nagging of the people in her life.

I am glad she escaped. I am glad she accepted Him as her Savior. She is happy now because she trusted Him and feared Him. She is okay now. She is a happy and caring wife and mother. Living a wonderful life and being a God-fearing and prayerful woman. She may not be the strongest woman, but because of Yahweh’s mercy and grace, she survives these matters.


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105 Reviews


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Wed Jun 07, 2023 11:57 pm
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alpacaboss wrote a review...



Hello! I really love this piece of work. I believe this is based off your mom? (It says 'for my beautiful mom') I just want to applaud how she pushed through. I'm glad she found strength from the One who saves and rescues us.

The way you wrote this biography of sorts was wonderful. You were able to retain the audience's attention the entire time, immediately forming a connection with them and hooking them with a beautiful story. I like how you describe the horrors and hardships your mother had to go through in full detail. It adds to the emotional impact of the story. Also, the way you introduced the story with how her life is now is a great way to show the stark contrast of her life before. It would also work if you turned the events into chronological order with the build up of happenings in her life.

If I may share, your story reminded me of my own mom. Although she was not abused, she definitely underwent tons of hardships. But she persevered and pushed through because she had great faith in the Lord. She was able to guide her children to follow the Lord, too. That, I am eternally grateful for.

My only comment is that you could have ended the story with more emotional impact. Ending with a truly tugging quote can make a difference for your story. Maybe you can phrase the end like "she pushed through the hells of her past and found His true will for her." Something like that. Overall, it's quite minor so great job! :>

I am glad she escaped. I am glad she accepted Him as her Savior. She is happy now because she trusted Him and feared Him. She is okay now. She is a happy and caring wife and mother. Living a wonderful life and being a God-fearing and prayerful woman. She may not be the strongest woman, but because of Yahweh’s mercy and grace, she survives these matters


Probably my favorite part. As a Christian, I'm happy that this is how her story ends for now. It's a wonderful testimony to bear and I'm elated for her.

Thank you for sharing this uplifting testimony about the amazing life of "she". It is a reminder to us all that with the help of Him, we can indeed get through the darkest times and live out His plan for us.

This is alpacaboss, signing off.




AkuRashomon says...


Thank you!



alpacaboss says...


My pleasure! Your works are always a delight!



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Wed Jun 07, 2023 5:46 pm
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Kaia wrote a review...



Wow! This is a fabulous piece here. Seriously! This wasn't wat I expected to read here, but I was astounded beyond words. I literally got goosebumps by the end. This was awesome!

The woman spoken about here is an incredible hero. She was bullied, abused, yelled at, and her confidence was crushed. Worst yet, her parents didn't care about he and broke up, breaking her heart in half. Yet, she is amazingly strong. Not only does she get through her abuse, but she struggles to start and keep a new family going. Obviously, she struggles with the past and the struggles at present, but she is still strong.

And, what I love best about this is that the very reason that she survived all this was God. He was her comfort and the One who cared when for her when no one else did. Her trust in him saved her life when she wanted to take it. What a beautiful story!!

I do want to say that I got just a bit confused with the switch from past to present tense ven though you're talking about the past like here...

school, she would miss math classes because older students would dunk her head in toilets, drag her by her underwear and hair, and throw her frail body down the stairs. From the rooftop to the ground floor. Then, her bullies would cover these matters up like it was the girl’s fault. So, she gets sent to detention. She is always the only person there. People thought she hated it, but she loved it. ‘Cause no one is hurting her and giving her a physical and emotional roller coaster. For hours and hours, from morning to afternoon, she would stay in detention. From afternoon to evening, she would go to the library and study. Then, send a report to all her teachers. It’s dark outside, but she’d love to be run over by a car anyway.


It's not that bad tho, as I did understand it pretty well. It could just be that I'm not that used to reading in present tense, lol. So if you don't find an issue with it, it's probably just me, lol.

I love the style you chose for this and the particular scenes that graphically explain what's going on. You really brought out emotion here. This is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing!!
-Kaia




AkuRashomon says...


Thank you!



Kaia says...


You're welcome.

Is this a true story (if you don't mind me asking)? I went back and read the little description, and I'm curious. ;)



AkuRashomon says...


It is inspired by my mom's backstory, but some parts are fictional. She didn't self-harm and she only thought of it c;

I hope this helps!



Kaia says...


Aw, that's so sweet. Tell her she's awesome because she really is!



AkuRashomon says...


I sent her the link to this story. She'll know because she likes reading the reviews people give me c:



Kaia says...


Aw. That's so sweet. You're awesome!!




Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart.
— Andréa Balt