Young Writers Society

hello!
okay, first of all, I love the whole aesthetic setup for this. your mood board really matches up with it, and I love the vocabulary you use throughout the piece, like:

i fancy you.

it's just very refreshing.
and to answer your questions;

1. I think the ending is great. You don't need to add another piece of writing related to this, but I recommend it, if you could add a letter from the husband, you should!!

2. yes, i see some.

i could write an essay of who many things i fancy about you.

should be *how many things i fancy about you

and

they don't attract and get along to each other.

should be *get along with each other

3. nah, don't worry i write stuff like that too (or daydream about it)

also, I think you should change the title. It isn't telling us much about what the piece is going to be about, maybe you can change it to something slightly longer and something that'll give us a hint of what this is. maybe adding the words "love" or "letter"? i'm not entirely sure.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your piece, it's such a sweet story. It's amazing, and you did a great job Bye!

Hi there Ina! Lim here with the review you requested.

General Impressions

I thought this was a sweet story. The word choices like “I fancy you” and “attract” make me think this is about a romantic relationship or about romantic feelings from one person to another? I’ve usually seen “fancy” being used in a romantic context. I could be wrong, though. I think the overall theme of the story / letter could be something like unconditional love. The narrator talks about how they love both the positive and negative sides of the addressee, for example their “sunshine smile” but also their “sarcastic and annoying personality”. Phrases like “hope you fancy me too” and “i hope you get to read my letters” make it seem like this piece is a love confession written by the narrator or main character, so portraying the period of time just before a romantic relationship starts perhaps.

our relationship is like something different.
you like going to the beach, but prefer the mountains.

I didn’t quite understand these sentences. Is it supposed to be the “I” preferring the mountains? Based on the rest of this part, I’d assume that is what fits the pattern. As for the line about the relationship, I wonder if the “like” there is necessary, since it seems that it is the case that their relationship doesn’t conform to what “people say”. So I read the meaning of that line as being that their relationship “is different” rather than “is like something different”. But maybe that’s just me.

Characters and Imagery

Something I like about this piece is how you’ve given the two characters specific traits. For example, I kind of see the morning/night opposition reflected in the characters’ interests. The addressee likes “pink and white”, brighter colours, whereas the narrator who prefers the night over morning chooses darker colours. I also liked the touch of including their music preferences, because that’s one thing I think even very close loved ones will tend to disagree about xD If there’s something to improve here, I think I would have liked to see more descriptions that show what these two characters lives are like. For example, maybe the places where they hang out, or going more into a scene where they bicker with one another. I think that would help make them more relatable.

Plot and Structure

Something I think could be improved about the structure would be extending maybe the last part from “but you still talk to me” to “be well”. This is because the previous part about their differences seem to introduce a ‘problem’ in the story. So as I reader I kind of expect that there will be more of an explanation of how the problem is resolved. The descriptions in the last part are more vague – for example, what does “being too loud” involve? Shouting at midnight? Over the phone? And how does the narrator intend to “shush” this person? Having more expansion on this part especially would make the story more satisfying, in my opinion.

Overall

I think this piece of writing has a neat idea and some good details when it comes to the characters. If you are planning on revising this or if you’re about to work on your next piece, my main suggestions would be to spend more time describing important characters, relationships and places – that is, those that are most important to the story or message you want to convey to the reader.

Hope this helps – let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific!
-Lim