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12+ Mature Content

on the rooftop

by AkuRashomon


You count your swift footsteps on the stairway to the rooftop of your school. You see your one and only best friend on the rooftop of your school. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

Your best friend looked in your direction. "Listening to music and waiting for my class at 6 since it’s still 4 o’clock in the afternoon." He smiles at you.

You smile back too. "Hey. Low that down. Your mom will scold me. ‘Why are his ears ringing again?’"

"Tell her it’s my fault."

"Then you’d be dead meat." I sigh.

"I don’t care."

I copied his movements. "I don’t care."

He laughs and offers an earphone. "Hmm?"

"Ugh." You roll your eyes. "Fine, fine."

A soft grin appears on his face as he stays flustered without you knowing.

You guys stay quiet while a DEAN song blares in your ears. With tight schedules, it has been awhile since you’ve met up with your friend like this. You stare at him while he looks up at the fluffy clouds resting on the pale blue sky.

"You know what?" You tilt your head.

"What?" He looks at you.

"I am really happy you’re my friend."

"Oh," he sighs. "That’s random as hell."

"I’m really happy ‘cause my old friendship never lasted as long as ours." You explain. "My old friends were insecure about other friendships that weren’t ours, and now people want what we have."

A pause comes as the wind rushes between the two of you.

"I don’t know. I just observed how other people look at us and approach us." You sigh because your friend stood still the whole time. "It’s just funny."

"You know what’s funnier?" He smirks like he’s about to tell a silly dad joke.

"What is?" You looked suspicious of him.

"I feel the same way." He takes a sip of his Americano.

"I thought you were about to say an unfunny funny joke." You roll your eyes.

He chokes on his drink and laughs.

A pause comes again with the painful silence because both of you said the most random, deep stuff to each other at a time when both of you were just simply chilling in the best place to cool your minds off.

"Hey." He looks at you again. "Can we play truth or dare?"

"Yeah, sure." You look back at him, but he faces a different direction.

"Truth or dare?"

"Um, truth."

"Do you have a crush on anybody that I don’t know of?" He asks.

"Oh, yeah." You lied immediately because you didn’t want him to know that you actually had feelings for him. You lied because crushing on him and telling him would ruin your friendship.

"Okay." He takes a sip of his drink again. "Sus."

"Truth or dare?" You ask him as he plays with the plastic coffee container in his hand.

"Dare." He notices the necklace you’re wearing that he gave you as a birthday present.

"I dare you to give me that coffee." You said that to be petty.

"Okay." He hands his drink to you.

You take a sip of it. "Hmm…delicious."

He sighs. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." You bite the straw of his drink.

"Why’d you take my drink?"

"I don’t have one." You pout.

He snickers. "Will you give it back?"

"Hell no." You laugh and take more sips.

"Disgusting." He shows disgust on his face. "It’s like putting your lips on mine or something."

You give back his drink and get flustered.

“Ew, you even bit my straw.” He takes the drink. “My poor straw.”

Both of you laugh.

"Truth or dare?"

"Oh, we’re still playing?"

"Why?" You ask him. "You don’t want to anymore?"

"Truth."

"Okay, " you smile. "Are you hiding a crush too?"

"From you?"

"Yeah."

"Nah, ‘cause you know her and I know her too." he smiles. "She’s one of our classmates."

"What?" You get shocked. "I thought you said you didn’t have any other female friends and only me. Emma?"

"No, I am not friends with her. And not Emma."

"Who?" You guess. "Jessica?’

"No." He says. "You asked how many questions already?"

"Ugh." You sigh. "OK, now ask me."

"What?" He asks. "Who’s that guy you like?"

"No, truth or dare?" You laugh and get nervous.

"Okay."

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"You can change the song."

You change the song to The Only Exception by Paramore.

"Good choice." He smiles.

"Well, these are all the songs on your phone and the songs we listen to, so..."

"Can we stop playing now?" He asks.

"Alright."

"Can you make a poem or a deep saying about me?" He asks you.

"Oh, sure. Deep saying? The hell is that? Anyways…" You sigh. "My best friend, you in blue jeans and a white t-shirt. Standing on the rooftop with dirty sneakers, drinking an iced Americano. Listening to our favorite songs and playing truth or dare. I told you a random, deep thing in the middle of the afternoon about how lucky I am to have you as a best friend. Then I do something to make a shy boy like you flustered."

He smiles. "How do you know you could fluster me?"

You ignore his question but kept it in the back of your mind. "How about you? Say something about me too."

"In the spring air, your long hair blows in the right direction." He sighs. "In your favorite cardigan and light-washed jeans. Listening to Paramore and saying the random things you say that you don’t say all day. I think you’re lucky to have me, ‘cause I’m lucky too. Having a loyal and truthful best friend is all I need in a world filled with cruel people with stressful, depressing lives. Sometimes I want to jump off the ledge, but I remember you and your cute doodles on my arm. You might be the worst person for people, but you fill my world with color. You like that?"

"That’s crazy, ‘cause you said more words than I did." You laugh.

"You have said enough to make me happy." He smiles brightly.

You guys sit down and talk for hours. You guys laughed for many minutes about some stupid dad joke he mentioned. A few minutes later, you lay down on his lap and went to sleep.

While you sleep, he stares at you with admiration. He smiles because he feels himself getting closer to your face. The bell rings, and you wake up.

"Hey," he shakes you. "Wake up. I have classes."

"Skip it."

"Why?"

"I want you to stay." You frown, with red marks on your face from his pants.

"Sleep on my lap later and on the bus, so it’s more comfy." He moves your head gently off his lap and goes down to his class. "Talk to you later. Meet me at 7 p.m. near the bus stop. Bye, friend!"


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Sat May 20, 2023 5:23 am
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cookiesandcream123 wrote a review...



Hi there~!

Great job on this short story! Like others have said, it's super cute, and I found it really immersive. It's not often that I find a work written in second-person too! It kinda reminds me of a visual novel story.

I love the dynamic between the characters and how the dialogue flows. Especially the poems they made about each other<3 It was so adorablee

If I had to be nitpicky, though, there's just one thing I'd like to suggest! I think it would help if you clarified who was saying what more often. For example, the first couple sentences:

You see him on the rooftop of your school. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
"Listening to music and waiting for my class at 6 since it’s still 4 o’clock in the afternoon." He smiles at you.


For the first sentence, I wasn't 100% sure if the narrator was speaking, or if it was him. It's hard to identify since there wasn't a "____ says." So, it felt like it could've been either person who spoke. If someone weren't reading carefully, they could mistake that "you" said the 2nd sentence, and he reacted with a smile.

Same with a few other spots, when there are consecutive lines of dialogue. I had to pay close attention to the pattern of whose turn it was to speak, in order to figure it out. It's good that you aren't labeling Every piece of dialogue with a "____ says" though, since that gets repetitive. Adding the action sentences was a good way to mix it up! (I hope that made sense. Lmk if I'm explaining this really badly ;-;)

Here, it seems like the narrator was quoting his mom, so I'd add the single quotation marks to clarify that. Like this:
You smile back too. "Hey. Low that down. Your mom will scold me. 'Why are his ears ringing again?'"


But other than that, awesome work! I really enjoyed this wholesome story. Would love to read more of your writing in the future! :D




AkuRashomon says...


thank you! actually I am still editing these mistakes, I fix them when somebody or I notice an error. But thanks for your kind review and that you noticed these mistakes.



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Thu May 18, 2023 4:02 pm
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SkyVibes wrote a review...



Aw! This story is so cute!
I don't really play truth or dare anymore because one I have several younger siblings and two people can ask so many varying questions that you don't want to answer, but seeing this is such a neat way to have a conversation!

Also since they are listening to music and drinking the coffee I think that is also a very unique way to show that these characters are older and maybe in college or about to graduate high school.

Great writing! Keep it up!




AkuRashomon says...


thank you, the two characters are about to graduate high school c:



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Thu May 18, 2023 2:24 am
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alpacaboss wrote a review...



Can I just say that I was smiling widely while reading the story? hehe
This was well written! The flow of the conversation was natural and smooth. Their actions towards each other really showed that they like each other. (If I was their friend, I would just tell them to get together already HAHHA)

On a serious note though, I enjoyed this wholesome little piece of fiction. The language used feels like normal conversation and not some intergalactic type of fancy language, which is good! Aside from grammatical and technical inconsistencies, maybe you could give a bit more tension to the story like elaborating the tug of war the feelings of "you" have for the guy. (A very cliche example: My heart wants to confess to him, but my head holds me back, putting a prison around any sort of possibilities)

Also, I've noticed from your profile that you are 13 and I just have to say that you wrote better than dialogue than my 13 year old self. And you actually finished writing stuff (unlike my 13 year old self, ahem). So I just wanted to encourage you to keep it up! You're doing great :)

Have a nice day!




AkuRashomon says...


thanks a lot! Most people here have said that to me too, even my writer friends in real life, so I am glad you observed that about this story. Have a nice day too!



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Sun May 14, 2023 1:37 am
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MerleBlackbird wrote a review...



To start off, great work! I really like how you did this thing--containing so much info in this short little piece that was never actually spelled out. For instance the two people in the rooftop clearly have deep feelings for each other, but neither of them actually say so. Likewise, in the conversation that takes place on the rooftop, a significant amount of the story is told simply by reading between the lines. I seriously admire how you didn't even have to use words to express so much. It also felt very natural how the characters interacted - that being the guy on the rooftop and "you." The only critique I would have would be to work on your grammar and watch for typos: something all of us writers need to work on heh heh heh

Very impressive overall!




AkuRashomon says...


yeah, I posted this and I was like, "something's off". so it is fine that people notice the grammatical and spelling errors and all of us do that too hihi. thanks for your review though. I am happy you enjoyed it.



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Thu May 11, 2023 12:20 am
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



“Friends”? Lying on the guy’s lap and still calling him a “friend”? No way, by then the relationship surpassed friendship. I’m sure that the guy likes the reader too. We were too nervous to say our feelings, but at least there was a shared moment on the rooftop. Maybe one day there will be courage. Maybe not. Who knows?

I enjoyed this story. The guy seems really nice! :D

I wish you a fabulous day/night.




AkuRashomon says...


Yeah, who knows what's gonna happen next? I wish a fabulous day/night too c:




The day, which was one of the first of spring, cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess of the air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein