(no name) The beginning.........

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Five days ago, a terrible virus took hold on my planet, Skyria. All of our animals took ill, out of nowhere almost. Almost. We know the cause of this diaster. A meteor hit our planet the day before the virus. It was filled with fire crystal.

Fire crystal is as red as its name, but twice as deadly. A single touch can paralyze you. In some cases, kill you. This fire crystal was melted. The skyfighters cleaned it up, so we thought we were safe. Wrong. Some of the melted fire crystal seeped into the ground, killing everything it touched.

Now, 5 days later, with our crops gone, our water supply diminishing, and almost all of our animals dead, our scientists decided to take action. They have built a rocket that will take the surviors to another planet. A planet they call Earth. It is a dead planet, yet it provides oxygen and plants for us to live on. It may be a lost hope, yet it is better than living on a dying planet.

Twelve other people and I are going today to Earth. We all may be children, but we hold the key to our survival, the survival of our planet, and the survival of our people. I am Ella Rose, the oldest in the group. The countdown starts now.

I have been told many times by my readers what I have done wrong, and how I could make this better. I apologize for your inconvenience while reading this. Thank you for advice on how this could be better and what I could've done instead.

Let me go over a few things some people have said-

1. I spelled beginning wrong. I am sorry for doing this, my head went into the clouds.

2. The book has no title. Why is that? The book has no title because I'm the kind of person who gets things that should have been done first, last. I'm going to insert the title when I fully understand where this will lead to. So far, even the end for me is untold!

3. I used 5, instead of Five. I didn't realize that was improper, for I haven't been taught this yet in school.

4. Someone asked why the children was going instead of adults. I have this part made out. The children are immune to the virus. You'll learn more when the book starts getting deeper.

5. Some people asked why I didn't go into the background of Ella Rose. I didn't do that because I felt that you needed know what had happened. This is the prologue. Not the first chapter.

I will release the names of the people in her group in my blog tomorrow. Just the names, not the ages, and you might be able to guess the gender. I'm running low of points for the time being so I won't be able to upload a new chapter (not like I'm too far ahead on it) for a bit. Just wait for little bit, I'll get that done as soon as possible.

Thanks for all of the feedback on this story! If you have any questions just ask!

Hello there! First off, I like the concept of the story. There are tiny mistakes but it looks like they've been covered. The only thing I have to add is the first paragraph. To me, maybe just me, it doesn't flow right. I feel like there is something missing or maybe out of order. The work overall is good and I do wanna see you continue this little adventure! Keep it up! Keep writing!

Firstly, welcome to yws! It's good to see you're already reading other peoples works and posting your own, that's great!

Nitpicks...
...have all been pointed out already, so I'll leave you to fix those up in your own time. We call them Nitpicks because they're a collection of annoying little mistakes that every writer makes. You know, the spelling errors, punctuation displacement, those little things. Just click the spellcheck button before you post ;]

Title:
Title's are important, because it's part of your story's identity, and it's also how other people will recognise your novel. If you can't think of a title then a temporary one will do. Who knows, you might even settle with it. Even something simple like 'On Skyria' would be great, because then when you post your later chapters, it will be easy to remember which novel it is.

Impact:
Have you ever seen 'Advent children'? It's a movie based around a Final Fantasy game. In the beginning it has this very basic opening with a child's voice in the background talking about how the world came to be in the state it's in. This piece kind of reminds me of it, and I really like that. It's short and simple, and I can already visualise the world and environment that the story is going to be based in. That's really good!
As a reader, suddenly being dumped into a scenario where I'm watching everything fall apart and then being sent on a journey to a new and strange planet, is awesome. I like it!

Ella Rose:
It would be interesting to have just a little bit closer a perspective on how these things affect Ella personally. What was it like for this kid to watch her world fall apart? Where are her parents? Did she have a family pet that died? What we have here is a very broad and global view of things happening, a zoomed in view would animate it a bit more.

Overall:
You've skipped most of the background chatter and jumped straight into the story, which is really good! The direty of the scenario also has a lot of impact and I'm definitely curios to what happens next.

Keep up the good work! =D

Hey lostthoughts911! Pompadour here for a review!
OK, so first things first, the title! You've spelled "beginning" wrong. Do set it right immediately! Also, your intro is very abrupt. It's a lets-get-down-to-the-facts kinda intro. Don't use numbers, it makes your work look as though you didn't put effort into it. Let the sentences come into a flow, easy, snappy and dramatic. You could say something like: "It was just five days ago. Five days ago, a world we'd known all our lives had died in front of our very eyes, and we were helpless. We couldn't do anything but watch the dastardly things multiply and spread..." I don't get how this Rock Crystal is a "virus." Maybe it could contain some sort of virus that spread over a span of five days? Then there's the fact that they had spaceships built. How is it possible to build spaceships within such a short period of time? Perhaps "Skyria" was expecting an attack? You know, a prophecy or something? Maybe these children were trained their whole lives for such a disaster to take place. And why are the children being sent away, specifically? Is it that the adults don't stand a chance against the virus, but the children do? You could strike a lot of ideas with this whole virus thing. If the attack was intentionally made (but the children don't know it) you could create a whole inter-planetary war!
I'm sorry, my imagination's run away with me. But these were just suggestions! Your story could do with some re-writing. If this is just a prologue, then the length is fine. But if it's meant to be a chapter then it should be slightly longer. Your descriptions are a bit vague. Who are these people? Are they even humans?
You might want to correct this: " In some cases, kill you. " It should be, "In some cases, IT can kill you." I liked the idea of sending children, but you should come up with a solid reason as to why the adults can't go instead.
Then, the ending: "We all may be children, but we hold the key to our survival, the survival of our planet, and the survival of our people. I am Ella Rose, the oldest in the group. The countdown starts now."
The ending is pretty abrupt as well. You should express some of Ella's thoughts and then say something like: "The countdown is starting. It's starting now."
I hope to read more of this story and see what becomes of it!
Hope this helped!
~Pompadour

So, here are my pointers for you. First of all:
1. I wouldn't put numbers such as and 12 in this book. At least not to start out with one.
2. "Beggining" in your title should be: beginning.
3. I'd lime more description in this; maybe more of the personal story of Ella Rose. It just says that the melted fire crystal sunk into the ground and killed everything.
4. I don't get how a rocket was built in only five days, that isn't really very possible, especially with everything being killed.
5. Skyria sound much to similar to Skyrim. I would suggest changing that.
6. Why are the scientists sending kids instead of adults. I think they would at least send one or two adults to go with them.

Now, the story itself sounds quite interesting, and if you fix those things I think it will really help readers and reviewers to enjoy it. Good job.
Keep it up!

Welcome to YWS! Now, on to the review.

I'll reiterate the numbers note, but add the explanation. First of all, grammar says that you're not supposed to start a sentence with the numeric representation of a number. That is, you don't say "5 days ago, someone reviewed my writing." It would be "Five days ago,..." And on the second time you use 5, that's acceptable, but it really sticks out. Only use numbers' symbols if you're going to use another number higher than twenty in the same sentence. Now, that's just a general index rule (I don't call it a rule of thumb because those tend to be a little more strict; this is just a suggested number, but you could go as high as a million and be fine. Or higher). And with your third number use, you broke the 'speaker order' rule. It's supposed to be Person Spoken to, People spoken about, and then the speaker. So that should be "Twelve other people and I [grammatically correct; 'me' is a dialect thing that's tech. incorrect]. And in the same sentence, on the last segment "going to Earth today" flows better than "going today to Earth."
With your title, you have beginning misspelled: it's 'beginning', not 'beggining'. Try using a lot of 'random fantasy/sci-fi book title generators' (easily found through Google) to get a few ideas for what you want. Just to give you an idea of how it'll work, I found four titles out of almost fifty generates that I liked. And even then I didn't like the entire title. But it's just designed to help get you thinking in a certain direction, what you're looking for in a title.

Hope this helps!

Hi there! Welcome to YWS and enjoy your stay

A quick review on your piece.
Firstly, it's best not to use numbers in literary works. Write FIVE instead of 5, TWELVE instead of 12. It's simply better style.

Secondly, let's look at how you define unknown terms. Firstly you use it:

It was filled with fire crystal.

Fire crystal is as red as its name, but twice as deadly. A single touch can paralyze you. In some cases, kill you.

It was filled with fire crystal—as red as its name, but twice as deadly.