the boy,
he made her feel special,
like she’d never felt
before.
he joked and laughed
with her,
encouraged her,
complimented her;
~
made her feel like
maybe, just maybe,
she was worth a
little bit of attention,
a little bit of love.
~
but the boy,
he stopped talking to
her,
and found another to talk
to; and she became his
girlfriend.
~
and that girl,
that girl that
had come to think
admirably about herself,
she reviewed each moment
with him
as a lie.
she reverted to her old
self,
and she still,
to this day,
believes herself to never
be good enough,
it’s never enough;
~
all because
a boy decided to
make a girl love him
and throw her heart away
like it was nothing,
like they never had anything;
like she was
n o t h i n g
and
b r o k e n.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
I can definitely feel the pain through this. The loneliness and heartbreak. You didn't have to go into much detail, which is amazing if you can still make the reader feel what you felt while writing. And, make it relatable as well. Which, I'd say you did both of those things here.
Though I have never been through something like this (yet), but the feelings are there and I can feel them as well. Especially that point where, "found another to talk to" displays all sorts of emotions because of how you wrote everything before it. You built it up until that part where the heartbreak begins and I definitely felt it. And, after that, the feels switch right away for loneliness.
The only thing I'd suggest to change would be the way you ordered the lines. Like, how some words cut off into the next line. But, I understand if it was meant to be like that.
Really nice work with emotions here, you for sure made me feel something. Good job on this piece~
I really loved the emotion in this poem and I can say I've had a similar experience to this one described. I thought the lack of capitalization displayed emotion too, showing how quiet and small the writer is feeling, adding to the well displayed melancholy tone. However, I would suggest capitalizing the title. It make the poem more appealing when someone is scrolling through the 'All literary' tab. (That has nothing to do with the writing though, I just think it would attract more attention)
This was a really great piece and I the emotion was displayed perfectly, easy reflecting onto the reader. Keep writing!
-ChocolateCello
Thank you!! The lack of capitalization was instrumental in this poem because I was so upset that I just kept typing; I just wrote the whole thing all the way through, so it was like a continuous flow of emotions. Writing this really did help me feel better, though.
That's a really sweet poem somehow we can see the pain and the heartache you've had it is something that we could all relate to somehow loved it <3
Hello!
You could really tell that there was genuine emotion behind this poem, and that it actually meant something to you. Your use for words was pretty fantastic in some parts, for example, using the word "reverted" was a stroke of genius. However, I think you dwelled so much on the emotion that you got a little lost. You would start using less advanced words like "nicely" or "special", and you seem above that. Overall, it's a sweet poem, and it's very relatable for a lot of people.