This was beautiful! I really appreciated the imagery in this, honestly - wow. You got your point across and then some, it's very beautiful. I loved it because it focused on a kind of loss we've all experienced besides death (although I'm sure you could probably apply this poem and some of what it says to the idea of loss due to death). The narrator's emotions were conveyed beautifully.
"me, suffocating me and
drowning me in the
truth just like
a sharp slap to the face."
Beautiful. Honestly, I loved this stanza. I have nothing more to say about it than that haha.
To be honest, I am a fan of both repetition and feel sometimes ending on weak words can be just as powerful as ending on a strong verb or noun; I feel like here, the weakness may help with the overall feeling of the poem (in response to other reviews). I do agree with formatting comments however, and wonder if there is a better or more professional way to present this? The ~ and the centralizing, is it all necessary?
Anyhow, good job! I loved reading this and I definitely want to read more from you, it was fantastic. I LOVED the way you spaced out 'b r e a t h e' and feel it was a great, strong way to end, which is awesome because weak endings drive me crazy. Good job!
-Cairo
Points: 295
Reviews: 22
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