there was a girl
she was a modest sort of pretty,
but she thought she was a “plain Jane”
she thought, looking at herself,
that she was not beautiful
~
and yet, her parents and grandparents
and various other relatives
told her differently
but she waved off their compliments,
thinking they were supposed
~
to say such things
so she went through her younger
years, her tween years,
and partway of her teen years,
simply thinking she was like everyone else
~
there was a boy
he really was very attractive
anyone could see that
he knew, looking at himself,
that he possessed great beauty
~
none of his relatives
really told him how handsome he was
so he knew of his attractiveness,
but began to think only
he thought of himself that way
~
the girl saw the boy
and thought he was the most
beautiful boy she’d ever seen-
maybe the most beautiful person,
or even thing, she’d ever laid eyes on
~
the boy saw the girl
and thought she was the most
beautiful girl that he had ever seen,
and he could tell by looking at her
that she had no idea of the beauty she held
~
the boy walked up to the girl
and began to talk to her
she could hardly look him in
the eye, preferring instead
to hide behind her silky hair
~
the girl could not bear to look
at the boy, for she was embarrassed
of her looks next to him
but he was persistent and wanted
to talk to her, but she didn’t know why
~
she was so beautiful
how could she not see?
the boy made the girl look up at him
and he told her, straightforward,
how beautiful she was
~
here he was, that beautiful boy
telling her she was the most
beautiful girl he’d ever seen
how is it possible?
she is not even pretty, let alone beautiful
~
he could see the doubt in her eyes
so he gave her his phone number
and made her promise to call him
because he wanted to see her again
prove to her how beautiful she was
~
she could not believe it
he gave her his phone number
and asked for hers as well
he wanted to see her again
though she was not sure why
~
he kissed her hand as
he walked away, not wanting to part
with her but he needed to go
she still seemed shocked but his supposed
attractiveness paled in comparison to hers
~
he had told her she was beautiful
nobody but her family had ever said
that and she could not stop
thinking of the boy
he was stuck in her mind
~
the next night he texted her
hello beautiful <3
she was pleasantly surprised
the girl hadn’t actually expected him
to talk to her again
~
they made plans to meet
again at some point in the
week, and the boy and the girl
were very excited to see the other
again, though neither could explain why
~
the next time the boy
saw the girl
she was even more beautiful than
the first time he saw her
and he couldn’t help but kiss her
~
she loved the feeling of his
lips on hers, even though it
was unexpected
especially because of that
she wanted to kiss him again and again
~
he felt inexplicably connected
to this modestly beautiful girl
he wanted to see her every
day, and so he did
and he was so happy
~
she was happy with the boy
as well and finally
came to realize that
she was, in a way, beautiful,
and she never would have known
~
without the boy there
to tell her every day, to whisper it
to her between kisses,
to prove it to her in his
never wavering loyalty
~
he was happy with the girl
and he finally realized
that while she was beautiful,
he, in his own way, was too
and he never would have been sure
~
without the girl there
to tell him in her own way
in whispers,
between kisses,
to prove it to him in her fierce loyalty
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hello liveandbreathewords!!
This is Eros here to review your wonderful poem!!
I liked it very much. It was really beautiful. I liked your poetic sentences and I am really amazed at your writing. I like the way you have presented your thoughts on expressing beauty. There are two body images expressed. A positive body image and another is not a negetive body image... , but we can call it a normal body image. A positive self esteem is extremely important in life. I like how the boy and the girl made eah other realise how beautiful they were.
It was really a great work.
Continue writing...
Neve cease.
Because we all love and enjoy reading them...
Hey there!
Okay, so first of all I did enjoy this poem. However, a few things. This feels a lot like a story that's been sort of forcefully converted into a poem. I'm not entirely sure how you could make it seem more like a poem, but I do have some suggestions.
I can't claim to be very good at poetry writing myself, but I think if you shorten the sentences (removing words such as "and", "but, and "yet"), it might flow a little better. Whenever you switch between the girl and the boy, try to write it more from their points of view. I can't really put this into words very well, so let me give you an example:
This seems a lot more like it's from the girl's point of view. You want your readers to really understand how the girl feels, and I think if you have phrases such as
it sort of excludes the audience, and makes them feel like a viewer rather than a part of the story itself, because you're implying that the girl is wrong in the way she's thinking of herself, which is something the readers already know. If you really want them to feel like they're a part of the story, this:
sounds better. This is just one example, and I think you can try to implement this throughout your poem to make it flow better.
Another thing that I'm sure many readers would appreciate (or at least I know I would), is if you broke the poem into stanzas. If you separate the points of view of the girl and the boy, it flows better. Lines such as this:
sort of put me off, because you were talking about a girl and now, all of a sudden without any warning, you've thrown me into the boy's story. If you break it into stanzas, like this:
it's much easier to read, because it prepares the reader for a new part of the story, rather than making them wait for the rest of the girl's story.
Another thing - do use punctuation marks. I know it seems unnecessary in poetry, and I've written loads of poems without punctuation marks myself, but really, in this sort of a poem, where you're narrating a story, you would be better off using punctuation marks because, like I said before, it prepares the reader for the next part, or the next line, of the poem. Reading continuous sentences is slightly off-putting.
That's all I have to say for now. It's been a while since I reviewed something, so I'm sorry if I haven't been able to express myself properly. I tried! xD If anything doesn't make sense, please let me know and I'll try to make it more understandable.
Overall, great poem! But do break it into stanzas, if nothing else.
Let me know if this helped!
~LemonyIce
Thank you very much! And about the stanzas-- I had had it broken up into four lines per stanza, but the site wouldn't allow me, for some reason, to copy it in that format.
This is so beautiful!!!! I love this!!! It's telling an amazing story and showing that love can mean so many things. You are an excellent writer and I hope you write more love poems, more romance. You have potential and skill here, so I hope you continue writing!! Each line made me want to keep reading, pulling me in. I love the way you show both of their feelings and actions, how you can see both of the characters. It's like no one else in this poem is there but those two, so wrapped up in each other.
If this was real, then that would be so amazing and sweet!! True love can be hard to find sometimes, but I've found mine already. I hope you can experience it like this!! Overall, I love your work and the effort and time and dedication you've put into this. You have talent that is obviously expressed throughout this poem.
Thank you for posting this poem!! It was really good! I hope you write more of this genre. Have a wonderful day, and hope you check out some of my work! Happy writing!
~Catlover211
Hello there Kat here to write a review for you .
Ufh long poems >< always so daunting ... then I read them and feel much better . Yeah I'm a slacker .
I really enjoyed reading this because it wasn't like most poems , it told a fluid and explained story and I really liked that twist on a poem . It wasn't what I had expected , but it makes me just wanna hug someone .
Er well , somewhere in there there's a the that should be a that ... I think , to many words XD
I can't really see anything else wrong with it , I especially liked how you included the heart emoji and took the word "beautiful" throughout the poem and gave it meaning every time it was used .
Keep it up
~Kat
Hello. I really like this poem. It was very sweet. I don't really have much to say. Good job!!! Keep writing!!!!!
Bye!