They were elusive.
They were the slight pounding of rain on a tin roof. They were the little gusts of wind that swirled the leaves around in the fall. They were beautiful and wanted and unattainable and all the other things one would imagine them to be.
To put it quite simply, they were the very model of love.
It was almost sickening, how perfect it all was, though you couldn't help but be entranced by them anyway. Somehow we all knew that kind of love was reserved for them and them only. We couldn't imagine anyone else being so flawlessly compatible, and secretly we enjoyed it that way - it made their benevolence seem even more prominent.
The world tried to cage them; to observe what exactly they were, for no human being is capable of such sentiment. Yet even while they were contained in such a barbaric way, they whispered secrets and sweet nothings into one another's ears as calmly as if they were perched on a park bench.
We, being mere mortals, sat spellbound on the bench opposite them and tried in vain to decode the godly beings they were.
They took a second or two to stop and smirk at us all, at the way we were tripping over each other to reach them. But this, too, passed soon enough, and they went about their business of solving the puzzle called love.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi, I'm Celticmusicgirl and I'll be reviewing this piece today.
I reaally like this piece. It is very interesting. You captured the reader's attention and kept it until the end. Good job on that.
I didn't spot any spelling/ grammar errors. Good Job on that.
The only thing I would like to point out is you don't identify who we are reading about. The couple is reffered to as "they" throughout the entire story. I would like to know who i'm reading about. I would like to know who they are and what they look like and so forth. Overall, this was short and simple and very good. Please continue this and PM me when you post more. PM me if you have any questions or comments concerning this review or if you just want to talk.
Thank you for reviewing!
Yes, I'm well aware I didn't specify who the audience is reading about. I wanted to show that meanings can be conveyed with tp without specific characters. But actually, you do know who you're reading about. Them. What they look like isn't important. And that's all you really need to know to understand it.
Hi!
I adore Jerry Spinelli. I mean, I read every single book of his that I could get my hands on.
But one of the reasons why I loved them so much was because of his finely wrought characters. They were not living, but they could be living, and that's what made them so awesome. You could relate to them at once.
This doesn't really have any characters at all, except in a vaguest sense. We know that there is a we, and we know that there is a they, but there is no real person to connect to. So, it's a bit odd of a story.
Add more to this description and create a character! It'll make things better.
Thanks for the review!
The whole point of this story for me was to NOT have a character, actually. I wanted to do something a little different - experiment with the vaguest characters I could create, but double the description for everything else. Does that make sense?
Probably not, since you wanted me to add characters anyway.
Thanks again for the review!
Hola! Me no speak Nadsat. Nah, I'm just kidding. My name is Strange (Also known as Doctor, DrStrangelove) and I see you're new. I'm ready for this, and good luck.
This is simply blunt and beautiful. I'm not one to say that word "a lot" but it just seems neccasary.
This is short, but can capture so much emotion in a single sentence. I don't agree with the "general" rating of this, because this should be romantic. I honestly think this should be longer, to make it more intense and beautiful. Now, it's quite that, but it needs to be more. I found this awfully short. It is really impressive, and I can see a long future ahead of you if you keep this type of work UP. When I see a new member, and I love their work, I will try to review their next five works. If they can keep it up, I would try to do EVERY work.
You're now officially on my list.
I found no errors, so great job.
Strange gives you..
9.5/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy
Oh gosh! Thank you so much!
Going along with what you said, I categorized this under general because I didn't want it to be read by just those looking for romance works, if that makes sense. I didn't want just the (excuse me if I'm politically incorrect) saps for love stories reading it and no one else.
I'm not sure if that makes sense, but there was reasoning behind it!
Thanks again!
This is a really interesting piece. It's easy to read yet beautiful. You did a lovely job of describing the characters without diving too much into their appearance. I really enjoyed this
Nice job!
Thank you! And again for taking the time to read.