Published September 24, 2009
So I made this today and it consists of quotes that I made up. Whenever I put them all together this is what it sounded like. Hope you like it!
Listen
"You Never Listen"
"As My Heart Sinks"
"Laughing In My Face"
"Angels Stink Of Death"
"The Abyss Calls My Name"
"Stepping Toward The Edge"
"You Never Stopped Me"
"You Never Listen"
"The Icy Cold Stuns My Fingertips"
"Your Speech Is A Figment Of My Imagination"
"As My Hair Whips Uncontrollably Through The Wind"
"Outside In The Freezing Frenzy"
"I Step Back"
"You Forced Me To Cry"
"You Forced Me."
"My Last Words Die Down"
"Silence Is My Neighbor, My Friend"
"You Never Listen"
"As My Head Sinks"
"Gasping For Life"
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140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey!!
It was a really good poem, but I couldn't read it very well. You don't need quotation marks when your writing a poem only when someone is speaking.
I like the poem, but what's up with all the quotation marks. Anyway, I liked the anger and wanting
Good! I liked it, but it was kind of hard on the eyes to read with all the quotation marks.
It's good, but I don't think that the quotation marks are really needed, it would make perfect sense with out them. But it tells a story, I think that can be interpreted to fit the readers feelings.
Hi, Lilylynn.
I agree with Snoink; you don't need the quotation marks and all the capitals. The order could also be changed a bit...
My heart sinks,
You never listen
Stepping toward the edge,
The abyss calls my name.
Do you see how changing the order makes it flow?
Hello, lilylynn, and welcome to YWS!
The biggest thing I can see with this poem is that it's not really... aesthetically pleasing. That is, the quotes and the capitalization looks really, really clunky and it makes it seem a lot more awkward than it would have been otherwise. Since poetry is basically made up of lines that you've created and are proud of, why bother putting it in quotes and making it capitalization?
The other thing was that it seemed a bit vague. How did "you" create all of this trouble? We see the accusation, yes, but nothing else, so it's a bit confusing for us readers. Tweak it so that it accuses less and shows us more. After all, we would like to be a part of the action, as readers.
Best of luck, and welcome to YWS!
Wow, Its really good....
Although it kinda leaves people depressed...
Its sad...but its good...
The depth of desrciption is also very well written..
Thats one thing im workin on....heehee!
anyways...Keep up the good work..