[Look At] Me
Look at me with those judging eyes, I know I am not one of you
I stand up, I stand out of the crowd...the crowd...the crowded room.
I walk in not out, I enter, center... center stage is where I am, not of your show but of mine.
My life, not yours.
I do not conspire, I inspire others to stand out, to stand up.
Unlike your words, mine inspire, like sticks to a fire that make it blaze
Yours expire like rotten milk.
They fester and pester, tearing me down to my core...
core, my self, my being, my soul
Like gold radiates and breaks, no shatters, the mold.
That mold of your preconceived, brainwashed, bigoted, twisted notion of normalcy.
To that I say...
No, no way will I sink to your level, ever
Your insults, verbal onslaught I will sever.
The golem of your hate, this hulking monstrosity rising from the grave
Like MacBeth, with my words, from the chops to the knave
I will slay, no smite, your words.
These words are sticks and stones
Sticks... stones
Sticks... and Stones?
Sticks and stones become bricks and bones, on this verbal battlefield.
You have drawn war unto your nation.
For this is, I am, your creation.
The day of reckoning has come and I will stand above you,
“U”- Unique, abnormal, me
I will stand up, I will stand out
I stand stagnantly against assimilation to all of you pretentious ostentatious people
I am not like you, I am not one of you
Your words fly like super heated lead,
Making a B-Line for my head
I block your bullets with my rhymes,
Word for word, verse for verse, phrase for phrase
I leave you speechless for days
I never step down, or step back,
I never sit down and tap out
I am not you, I am neither him nor he
I am me.
I walk alone, but I do not
I speak for all those that had never the courage
I am the voice of the ones tossed aside, victim to the comments so snide
So I it say once more...
Look At Me.
When I walk past, people may spit
But I spit back, with words so hot they would set this page ablaze
My pen is my weapon, my words are my tools
And with my mouth I avenge those who have nowhere else to turn
And I say
I am not like you, I am not one of you
With your hearts full of so malice and words so full of hate
I don’t despise but pity thee
For there is one thing you clearly cannot see
I may be different, I may be weird,
But...
I AM ME.
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140,582 Literary Works • 673,538 Reviews
Like a couple of people below who have already reviewed, I couldn't find any errors either. It was beautifully written and I'm not ashamed to say that I read it out loud a couple of times. I really did enjoy it and it's made me want to read some other poems in the same style. Great job!
Thank you very much, that means a lot.
I love spoken word poetry. I thought this was well-written.
The imagery was captivating and the assonant quality of it kept me reading. That second stanza, in particular, was powerful; it would make a fun piece to listen to at an open mic.
When I read it silently, I agree that it does not read as an organic poem -- but when read aloud, it has a nice rhythm to it.
I also appreciate the sort of associative transition you had going on, especially as most of them fit the rhythm and the rhyme scheme you had going:
'The day of reckoning has come and I will stand above you,
“U”- Unique, abnormal, me'
I tend to gravitate toward spoken word poems that have this. However, there were some instances that I found awkward:
'These words are sticks and stones
Sticks... stones
Sticks... and Stones?'
Perhaps I'd missed something, but I don't feel that I fully grasped the significance of that last 'Stones?' The stanza after this clarifies the imagery, but I still wonder about the 'Stones?'
Either way, I enjoyed reading this.
Thanks for your review, the ellipses on the lines "Sticks... stones/Sticks... and Stones?'" reads more as a fast comma now, and it flows much better. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
Hey Canish! I'm going to give you a quick review. Right of the bat, the first thing that stood out to me was the bold. It's slightly bothersome, kind of made me read the poem like someone was shouting at me. I strongly urge you to be rid of the bold.
The title caught my interest! The formatting with 'this is' in brackets catches the eye. You keep on catching the eye with powerful imagery. One problem I had with the poem was, it felt a little like naval-gazing, so I had a hard time relating to the message. Another issue I had is what I call 'poet speak'. It's where you change the order of words so that you sort of sound like Yoda. A lot of people do this in their poetry for various reasons, but it can make it feel less organic. Use it sparingly!
I am fond of your imagery, and your rhyme scheme! It was very driven, very exciting. Nicely done on the end. Keep writing, and have fun!
Thanks for your input, I apologize for the bold face, for some reason it wouldn't let me disable it. On the topic of poetic inversion, my poem is read more so as a rap than a standard poem, and the inversion just fit the rhythm better. Thanks.
Lilcanich
I fixed it, I actually had to delete the bold face from each line in the source code, annoying, but done.
Hi!
So, this is really well written. I couldn't find any grammatical mistakes. The structure is not what I am used to but in this case I believe it works. You stayed away from cliche pretty well. It kind of edged towards it with sticks and tones but you took it off in another direction so great job on that. Honestly, your poem gets its message across very well, and could do without the "language" if you ever choose to go that route, however, that is your right as the poet:) Overall great job, I didn't see anything wrong with it and keep writing! I'd love to see more!
Thanks for you input. I decided to upload the clean version in light of it.
Thanks.
Lilcanich
To whom this may concern:
Lol
Lol Especially this line:
HELLO! My name is Jay!
And well yeah.
...
...
for starters I loved it!
"Sticks and stones become bricks and bones, on this verbal battlefield.
You have drawn war unto your nation.
For this is, I am, your creation."
IDK why I love this line so much as to why it caught my attention the most but I guess it's because it's so ironic and yet so relatable as to the reason why we act out upon certain things.
Loved your poem, thought it was good, and well yeah I really have nothing else to say.
Sorry if this wasted you time but yeah.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
-UNJ.xoxo.