Click

Hello, Rhia here to review!

So, I usually don't prefer self-harm poems, I feel that they're a little overdone, so I like that this one was you battling against the pull to do it. It was very strong, and you use really good language here. Your flow and rhythm was really nice, as was your vocab.

I do have a few nitpicks, though

So when you speak to me be very ware

And keep your tongue in cheek

For the very words you say to me

To my arms my blade will speak

I'm going to be blunt in saying that the word "ware" makes no sense here. I think you're trying to say wary and make it rhyme, but it just looks kinda silly and confusing.

As this may seem to calm your mind

For you, another thought

Although my flesh is pristine, intact

For certain my mind is not
I just think you could use a comma after "For certain" here, so it's "For certain, my mind is not"

I. Fucking. Love. You.
This is amazing, I have never read something and actually gotten goosebumps until I read this poem. I love that this is also rhyming, even though I'm into free-verse myself, because it just makes the theme seem even more real. It makes you feel like you're really looking into the mind of someone who is not mentally well, and is rather sick (I feel like I'm repeating myself XD)

The syntax and vocabulary in this is absolutely flawless. I'm known to be a stickler for grammar, even though in poetry there is the artistic freedom with it. I blame it on the fact that I'm currently in AP Comp and yeah, grammar is being drilled into our heads XD
This, I have absolutely no problems with...I'm finding it hard to even do a credible review without praising you the entire time XDD

Awesome, thank you so much for sharing this piece of brilliance!
Maybe you should stay up late more often XD
~Maddie

Deadman here with a review for you today! I'll be honest when I say that I wasn't not expecting this when I saw the title. However, upon reading there was no disappointment. This is actually very interesting. A different twist to a common problem. It's listed as a poem, but I could honestly see this being done as a song. (I have a bad habit of listening to music and reading to the beat )

It's interesting that the character never actually committed the act. (At least from what I can tell he didn't.) Of course it sounded like he did in a few places, and until the end I thought he had. I'd also like to point out that adding things like, "Clickity...Click...Click" created a nice affect. There was a great image painted, and you had a wonderful flow. Great word choices as well, you actually had me thinking. I'll move onto my nitpicks now.

"Let us cheer the thought of it leaving my hand"

You might want to make that "Let us cheer at the though of it leaving my hand". The first time I read it, my brain automatically threw it in there, but upon the second time I noticed it wasn't there, and that it didn't sound right at all.

Okay that's all I have. I loved the poem, and I think it's a very interesting way to tackle a major problem. I really liked how you didn't have your character actually commit the act as well. Until next time, happy writing!



Cheers,




Deadman XD