hen you lose someone close to you heart
and you whole world falls apart
you cant carry on
but you must be strong
cause people depend on you
tears fall down those cheeks
every night and day
you need on your own to find the way
but don't forget when your sad and blue
i will always love you
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Canary word: Present
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141,438 Literary Works • 674,416 Reviews
A capital letter starts the sentence, right?
And commas would be nice, too. And the word people has an "e" and an "o" in it. And you mustn't forget the "r" in the word "your". And "you're" has an apostrophe and an "e" in it.
And remember to post at least two reviews before your own work. I have to agree - this poem wasn't very life-changing. But having new poets around is always cool, so don't stop!
With the kindest regards,
Demeter
well first, people looks like this =)
i get what your saying in this poem, but i must agree...it just feels lacking to me! too short for so much feeling that should be going on. My advice to you is keep the plot, but write it over again. (i find that helps me sometimes) make it longer, richer in emotion and then compare them!
its worth a try ;D
good luck!
Nothing new to the table. Something like this would of been best given to the person. It's very weak and cliche. When writing poetry, you've got remember two things. Who's gonna read it? Is it too personal to interest people. Here my advice read some poetry on here round abouts and look on the tutorials.
Overall: With work I see potential but always use gramma and puntuation. Also if ya try then make it fit the poem. So work on show and now telling.
Good luck
VSN
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Listening to: Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine - A Perfect Day to Drop the Bomb
via FoxyTunes
Hi there and welcome to YWS! I just wanted you to know that, if I'm correct, you need two reviews before you're allowed to post your own work, so you might want to get on that before you get in trouble.
Anyways, how about a crit? =)
This poem seemed a little lacking in the punctuation department, as well as proper writing. It's very annoying when you don't spell out your words, such as "pple". Many people can relate to this poem, but you lack imagery. Make us, the readers, picture those tears on "those cheeks."
"Tears fall down those cheeks" just seems very....dull.
"when you lose someone close to you heart "
I think you meant your, and that is what I was saying about your punctuation errors. Just put a little more feeling and energy into it, and you'll have a great poem with a great image!