Obsession

This seems more like the beginning of a poem than a complete work on its own. You could expand on the idea of the dance floor...a lot of things go on there. Why is the narrator so obsessed? This isn't a bad start to a poem, but the ideas need expansion.

I didn't like it much because I feel like it was monotone and emotionless. I understand your passion, but it seems dark almost.

I really love this, my only problem is there isn't any emotion? What is it you want us to feel from this? It leaves me wondering. It sounds great you just need to add emotion to make it shine ^^ Hopefully you will think on that and possibly add more to it. But other than that it was very well done. Good luck and Happy Writing!!! Keep up the good work!!!!
Soulkana<3

Hey I say you need to focus on an image. It feels like a list, so I'm not understand/getting the emotion you intend for me to feel. You do have use some great words, but I would like a bit more detail. This could fit with any one activity. Why is skating so special? You want me to love it too.

-Victoria

Hello There,

There wasn't really that much to review because of the length, but here I go:


I didn't catch anything wrong with the grammar, and pretty much the only thing that I would say is that you don't really need the semi colon after releasing.

That's pretty much it, but a great poem and it was an enjoyable read.


-lilgreendots <3