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138,849 Literary Works • 672,337 Reviews
Thank you, and I did find it helpful. Though I must say, this was a different way of telling the classic forbidden love story, I understand what you mean about the parts being cliched and didn't think about that before. Thank you for taking the time to review my piece!
Great work. Here are some quibbles:
This stanza I would recommend reworking. "Raging" and "demon" are two words that go together quite often; I would go for originality and say something less cliched. "Together we make" is also very cliched. Finally, as a reader, "a balance they can't comprehend" struck me as not quite what you were trying to establish. I would stick with the word "balance," but rewrite the rest.
Time for some applause on the better parts.
This I loved, especially your cunning division of the sentence between the two lines. This is strong.
Overall, I very much enjoyed reading this, and hope you find my review helpful.
Thank you for giving into your curiosity!
I have to admit I didn't immediately click on this post...it took me a good half hour to give in to my curiosity and it was very good! Great wording! Keep writing!
Thank you ^.^ I don't know what sparked it exactly, the first verse just popped into my mind and I had to write it down, and it turned into "Innocent Demons".
Hey,
I really like this! ^^ I loved your use of extreme contrast (black and white) and your wording had a good rythym to it.
Nothing to critique really... But great idea and well done. (Wow. That was useless, but oh well...)
It's funny how ideas in the middle of the night tend to be the best, happened to me many times.
Keep writing!
Yours truly,
|Life|
Oh, and welcome to YWS!
Thank you very much
There is more to come!
I find this really good and a showing of equality in difference.
Makes me smile and makes me want to read more of simular pieces
You are talented.