Dear So Called Dad

thank you all so much for the reviws. This was based off a true story just not mine. I am so glad you all liked it i am working on another story with the child abuse topic it will soon be posted. have a wonderful day

Hey,
That was some REALLY powerful writing.

It gave me chills and spoke straight to my heart. I have had a semi-similar situation and i was able to feel the pain and sadness the character was feeling.

I do have one question to ask you: Was this based on what happened to you??

Anyway, all in all this brought tears to my eyes and was very excellent writing

-MusicLover797

Hi leaseal!

This was a tragedy story. :S It surely freaked me out. My dad is half like your's mentioned in the story, though my mom didn't die or anything. :/
I wish dad's would stop all this alcohol business. D: *sigh*

Anyway, you missed out some words and also you made mistakes. I shall correct it, as we go on. (Y)

Red Markings- Corrections.
Blue Markings- Doubts or Explanation.

leaseal wrote:Dear: Dad - Are you writing a letter on paper or mail? Because if it's paper, I don't think the colon should be there.

I heard the alcohol is killing you now. I wish I could say I’m sorry for not talking to you for ten years, but I can’t because I’m not. The only reason I’m writing to you is because, my counselor thinks it would help me. I have to see a counselor twice a week because of you. Do you realize how messed up you made me, or do you even care? You were supposed to be the one protecting me. Instead you were the one calling me fat, ugly, stupid, and worthless. You were the one giving me the cuts and bruise. Dad, do you realize I cried myself to sleep every night, begging God to take me home?

When mom died, I needed you to be a man and be there for me. I needed to know that you cared. Why couldn’t you do that for me? Why didn’t you pick me up and just hold me? I was six, and my world was crashing down around me, and couldn’t even ask if I was okay. All you did was drink and became angry at me like it was my fault she died. Do you even care that you made me believe it was my fault? Do you remember telling me “you gave your mother cancer; you killed her by being so bad.” Do you dad?

There isn’t enough words to tell you how much I hate you. I can’t even look at a picture of you without wanting to shred it. When I hear your name all I see is red, and my fist starts to clench. I can’t control it, no matter how hard I try. I still can’t look at myself without calling myself fat, ugly, stupid and worthless. I see scars all over my arms from you, but worst of all the scars on my heart from the words you said.

I have a son named David, he’s three years old he looks a lot like his daddy Jason. Jason is tells him how much he love him every day. Jason plays with him, and takes him to the park. Jason picks him up when he falls down. Jason makes sure there is food in the house. Jason made me realize what a man should be like. Jason is a father unlike you, he earns the name "dad". You will never meet David or Jason because, I can’t let you hurt them like you have hurt me.

You ruined my childhood, and you became my biggest nightmare. The memories of my childhood still haunt me. There are still many nights I cry myself to sleep because of what you have done. Many blame the alcohol for the abuse I took, but I know it was much deeper than that, but if it was the alcohol’s fault for the abuse then I’m glad to say what destroyed my life, killed you in at the end.

Love: Debbie - I don't think "Love" should be there, since you hate your dad. Maybe "With lots of hate" . It's according to you.

I was instantly mesmerized after reading the first few sentences. Contrary to most of the other letters written for the contest, to me, yours was like a slap of reality. There wasn't any mopey 'Oh, how I miss you' feelings to this letter, it was just upfront, bitter and refreshing. I love this piece a lot and good job!

Woaahh, you gave me the chills.
That is an aweful story and I second the review above me. I honestly hope it is not a true story.
Other than that, you wrote it really well. It was a bit harsh coming from a daughter but still the father deserved it.
Excellent job.

Make sure you don't lose that emotional sense you have in your writings because it is very important.

Cheers,
V. Quest

Woaahh, you gave me the chills.
That is an aweful story and I second the review above me. I honestly hope it is not a true story.
Other than that, you wrote it really well. It was a bit harsh coming from a daughter but still the father deserved it.
Excellent job.

Make sure you don't lose that emotional sense you have in your writings because it is very important.

Cheers,
V. Quest

I hope this is not based on a true story! That would be terrible! In any case... have you read the poem "Daddy" by Sylvia Plath? (You can read it here if you would like.) It seems rather familiar... not in the awful sort of "You copied!" way, but it just reminded me of it.

Anyway, I think my favorite part here was your description about how awesome Jason is. There's a lot of bitterness in here, and I think it's awesome that Jason is here giving her a better feeling of men. Still... I think you should describe how she met Jason, because that seems like such a key moment here. After all, she might have felt that all men were out to get her (she seems pretty traumatized!) but then there's Jason. And I think that story would really make sense here in the context of this story.

I hope this is just fiction!