Dark black nights with gold bright stars
Dreams with you and places so far
Marshmallows campfire, blankets with friends
Morning sunshine, winter ends
Fresh baked bread outside on the deck
Seeing old friends you reconnect
Graduation, marriage, and then a child
Haven't seen your siblings in a while
Move to the city busy with cars
Kinda wonder how you got this far
Street lights replace the gold bright stars
Want to go back but you can't rewind
Invitations from old friends
Forgot how the friendships end
Why does growing up feel like the end
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140,928 Literary Works • 673,751 Reviews
Hey leahwoodhouse, Ravenboy here for a review, just call me boy x if ya want. I go by anything really. Anyways, let's go down to business.
I really love your title, is what drew me in and separated your poem from all the others, and your poem also has a nice, constant rhythm in it that most poem nowadays lacks. That's very admiring. I also like the rhyme in your poem, it makes it flow much better with a nicer beat than a non-rhyming poem.
Now to the content, is just absolutely brilliant. What you have described, is of course, all true and with a touch of melancholy and is very beautiful and realistic. Growing up does feel like the end, being a child is always better. Easier to forgive and forget, and less things to worry about.
I think my favourite thing about this poem, is the contrast between the two obvious stanzas [even though you didn't separate them] and the nice rhythm to it.
Nice work. Happy new year and best wishes for the new year!
-Rx
I love the title
It is a well written poem.
Very smooth and the rhythm it follows is nice.
I have a few opinions though.
1. Did you miss out on a comma between marshmallows and campfire?
I think yes, because marshmallows campfire doesn't make sense.
2. I think you missed out on a question mark at the end of your last line.
I really liked the idea that you ended your poem with a little question. Nice thought!
Ps. Your first line is the best and the words are simply beautiful :')
I see great potential in you leah. Keep writing!
All the best
Love,
Krish
Hello, pandabear here, I really like this poem. It is one of the best ones I have read all week! <3 I love the imagery I get when I read this and how you have rhyming. No one makes a good poem without rhyming and you got me interested in this during the first sentence. I think my favorite sentence IS the first line. I really don't see any grammatical errors or anything so there is your A+.
Keep up the poetry writing!
-panda