Year- 12006
Location- Deep in the Frozen North
Mission- Discover artifacts from year 2006
Two archaeologists are digging in the Frozen North, they have been at it for 2 long years. Workers have slowly, and mysteriously vanish. Leaving the two with only a handful of workers, and themselves.
“Have you found anything yet?” Dr. Snooky whined. Dr. Cooky shook her head, “Not yet, soon. I have a feeling there is something right beneath us, I just know it!” A labourer glared at them but kept digging, more forcefully as the anger built up inside of him. –CRACK-. The metal digger hit something hard, instantly all the workers hit the ground as the archaeologists jumped in surprise. “What was that?!” Dr. Snooky squeaked out. Dr. Cooky ran over to the source of the noise and found the worked knocked out, a fair size hole showing in the hard packed mud near his head.
“Dr. Snooky, come here quick! I think we’ve found something!” Dr. Cooky cried out. Instantly all the workers swarmed over to area. Dr. Snooky pushed his way through the mob and jumped into the hole with Dr. Cooky. He knelt down and looked into the hole, “Why, I believe we have. Someone give me a latangerine!” Immediately the strange tool was passed down, Dr. Snooky put it into the hole and pushed down hard.
The opening spilt open widely, revealing lots of dust and darkness. “Rope!” Dr. Cooky yelled, a bit of rope was thrown down and she tied it around her waist tightly, giving the other end of the rope to Snooky, Cooky grabbed a light and smiled, “Here we go…” and jumped into the cavity, she gasped loudly as she tugged on the rope, “Snooky, you must come down at once! I believe we found a primitive room of a 2006 person!”
Dr. Snooky quickly gave the rope to a helper and followed Dr. Cooky down into the room quickly. He set up lights around and looked at Cooky, then flipped them on. They gasped in horror and amazement, Dr. Cooky leaned against the wall as she looked around, “Oh my… its not just any room… it’s a teenaged girl’s room! My, what a mess, think of all the things we can find though!”
The archaeologists spent the next few weeks, recording and observing all the things in the room. From articles of the most revolting clothing to the most uncultured of books. They were like little children as they dug through everything, chattering and smiling at their discovery. Soon their excitement turned to mystery and horror as they reached the dressers, opening the drawers they screamed and ran out of the hole.
“HORROR! HORROR! RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN FROM THIS PLACE!” they screamed as they ran from the room, never to be seen again. The workers exchanged curious looks then one ventured down. He let out a shriek of utter terror and died at the sight of what lay inside the drawers. All the other works screamed as well and ran off, no one was ever seen from that site, again.
No one knew what horror lay in the drawers until one day, a lone traveller came upon the site. Sliding into the hole he peered into the drawer and laughed happily, gathering up all of it he put it in his sack and climbed out again, he went back to the capital and handed the artifacts over to the leader. A great reward was given to him, and soon, once again… the game boy advanced was reborn.
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139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Hey!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
First of all, let me tell you that I really appreciate your naming of the characters. Dr. Snooky and Dr. Cooky made me laugh outright before they had even uttered a word, so yes there's that.
Now onto the actual story itself. When I first started reading this, I expected it to go a lot of different ways. Maybe horror, or thriller or adventure. So you definitely surprised me with the path you took. It was a little confusing at first because your introduction was not very clear. The descriptions were a bit abstract and I could not really imagine them in my head. So you might want to work on that a bit.
The other problem was the tense. You started off in the present tense, but before the introduction was even over you switched onto the past tense instead. Try to avoid these inconsistencies as they make it a liitle difficult to read for the readers.
But I have to congratulate you for the ending. It was humorous, it was light and it made me see the story in an entire new light.
Here are some details:
I think 'teenager girl' is better.
Okay, I have never really heard anyone scream "horror" while running from a place. It was quite funny to read, but a little unrealistic.
That's all.
Overall, this was quite a nice and humorous read. I thank you for making me go to bed with a smile.
Keep writing and have a great day!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one appears to be serious until the very end where the whole thing is revealed to be for laughs only. I have to say it still does have a couple of continuity errors but other that the slightly exaggerated actions are excusable if this is purely meant for humor so you can get a pass through that.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that sounds like a summary and not really like any sort of actual beginning so I don't think this should be kept. The next paragraph is a decent enough place to be starting this story so you should perhaps just stick to that one.
That's not a very clear description that you have there. It sounds very rushed and doesn't really create a proper picture in our head.
Calling that just a "strange" tool seems like a very lazy description. And I highly doubt that you can just jump into holes like that if you are doing archaeology.
Wait a minute, they jumped into a hole and there is another cavity? That's just confusing there.
Well that's kind of a very quick jump to a conclusion without doing any sort of testing or scanning or anything. That just seems very unlikely.
Well that's very interesting.
Okay this one did make me fall out of my chair. Good job there.
Aaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall its a pretty funny story. The punchline was maybe a little too drawn out there but its not a huge issue. The story itself has a fairly decent flow to it besides that slightly weird opening and it's pretty well written. It was definitely a nice way to end my reviews for the day with something that is not depressing.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry