Chapter 2
The creature in the egg sensed the human nearby reach out, and all of a sudden it was awake. This was it. It struggled to keep the connection up, to prevent her from slipping into the dark. The creature frantically pecked at the inside of its shell; now was the time.
“NO!” Screamed a voice. The echoes of the sound thrummed in my head, as if the voice was an angel’s. It was through dim vision that I saw a light. Not the light on the other side, but the light of day. Something scrabbled at the soil around and above me. The thing got closer and closer, until it accidentally scraped my arm in its frenzied motions. The hot pain and the shock jolted me awake, and I realized what was happening. Claws were digging towards me from the outside, something was trying to get at me. I moved my other arm, and the earth gave way. I was being saved.
I didn’t bother thinking about what it was that was saving me, I only struggled from the inside. Twigs snapped and tree branches splintered, and the sand came falling down in my face. I used my hands to wipe it out of my eyes. Fresh air flooded in, as did the light. It was not actually sunlight as I had thought earlier. It was the light of the moon.
Not long later, I was able to heave myself out of the wreckage. For a moment I only lay there, taking big gulps of air and making sure I was still alive. Thank the Mother, I was alive! Eventually I sensed something else, a sound. It interrupted my thoughts, and it was like something… purring at me. I turned looked up and backwards, and there by my head sat a creature the likes of which I had never seen before. In an instant, I was up on my feet and away. When I had limped off a few yards, I stopped to turn and look at the thing. It was sitting where I’d left it, looking very forlorn. I examined it with caution, but curiosity as well.
The thing was only the size of a cat. It had gleaming silver scales all over, and they shone like quicksilver in the light of a half-moon. Tiny, bat-like wings clung to its back; they were so small and immature they were useless. Spikes the color of ebony lined the thing’s spine, all the way to the end of its long, reptilian tail. At the ends of its four paws were long, sharp claws. They, too, resembled ebony. At the end of its long neck, a bird-like head tilted to one side to study me. There were no scales on the face except for a few tiny ones around its eyes, and around the soft places by its mouth. A frill made of hard plates extended behind the dome of its skull. The face became narrow and refined as it tapered to the beak. There were no teeth in its mouth, only a murderously pointed end and sharp edges.
It blinked at me, and I caught sight of its eyes. They pulled at me, drawing my mind away from my body. I wanted to lose myself in the swirling, silvery depths of those eyes. Behind them, I saw a thunderstorm. It was like a roiling grey sea of unbridled emotions and thoughts. In brief flashes of memories that were not quite mine, I saw the open freedom of the sky and the high, mountains rooks full of… Dragons. This thing was a Dragon, I realized. Those eyes held me tight, compelling me closer and closer.
With tentative fingers, I reached out and touched it.
Fire raced up my arm and through my body, flowing in my veins themselves. My soul and mind was consumed by it, became one with it. My skin crawled and my mind burned, and I cried out. Yet the pain was akin to pleasure, and I wished it would never stop. How long this went on, I was unsure, but by the time it calmed I was aware of something else. It took awhile to put my finger on it before I realized what it was.
I had not noticed it before, but there had been an empty space in my heart and soul. Maybe it was put there by years of loneliness and hardship, or maybe I was born with it. Either way, it was now filled up. The sounds, the sights, the sensations of life, it was all so clear now. The air around the Dragon and I was humming, or maybe that was just the euphoria that engulfed me. Her mind was pressed up against mine, and I felt the storm that was hers become mine, as well. The bond was complete, and the fire began to fade, though warmth continued to spread from my chest.
“We are one now.” Came her echoing voice in my head. I smiled and reached down to stroke the little creature. A drop of water fell onto her gleaming silver scales, and I touched my cheek in bewilderment.
I was crying for joy.
End of chapter
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First thing I noticed was that you called the dragon a "thing" about twenty times it seemed like.
I mean I understand the Main Character (sorry I haven't read the other chapter so I don't know genders) doesn't know what the dragon is, but you could mix it up with words like "creature" or "animal", to have some variety.
Oh! The very beginning, the part where it is from the dragon's perspective was a cool idea. Due to not reading the other chapters I don't know if you have done that before, but it is a clever idea.
Now, the meeting between the two was awesome. First off the baby dragon is really cute. Like a baby cub. Secondly, the way you described the whole fire sensation, and the dragon's eyes, and all that, really got me into the story. The raindrop was just a perfect touch.
Keep it up!
Just like the prologue (and chapter 1 which I read but didn't review), this is very well written and it is clear that you have taken the time to really edit and look over your work. Excellent. That makes reviewing it a lot more fun for everyone involved!
Just on the length - it is very, very short for a chapter. This is not a bad thing, as it doesn't feel as though you need more detail to it, however try to make sure the other chapters are longer or use short chapters regularly as a stylistic sort of thing, which can also work. Maybe there is action from one of the surrounding chapters that you could splice onto this? But you are aware that it is short, which is good.
Good development of plot, you seem to be pretty good at propelling the story onward at a nice pace. Flow was good, grammar and co was good. I don't have much to complain about.
My only nitpick is from the second to last paragraph:
'Came' doesn't sit right, and it doesn't sound as good as the rest of the piece. Maybe something along the lines of "I heard her echoing voice in my head" would work better.
As I said, really, really well done.