On her blue-gray chair she's perched
Eyes motionless like her limbs
She never gets up, although she can walk
Never tries, although she dreams
Dreams of a life of belonging
Of something meaningful to do
Is she dead inside?
The years are starting to flit right by
As she rots in a homey prison
Chained to a screen that always promises
But only ever seems to steal.
She's a bird who can't grasp liftoff in reality
A bird who can fly in fictional, shattered worlds.
Maybe she could reach the sky
If she could latch onto a flock that's passing by.
They learned to soar long ago
When the time was ripe and right
When she flapped her wings and fell
And instead found a bright-blue digital hell.
The chasm between her and them is a yearning abyss
And now she will only ever dream of catching up.
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138,751 Literary Works • 672,278 Reviews
Hello! As soon as I read the title, I knew I had to review this. I love birds... and poetry... it's just a thing.
(I haven't drank all my coffee yet so it's possible this review is incoherent, hahaha.)
Okay, so this is going to sound terrible, but when I read this, I thought of Twitter, with its logo of a blue bird, LOL. Though now it's X, so I suppose that doesn't apply anymore. Still, talk about doomscrolling...
Anyway, if I were to suggest any one thing, it would be to tie the metaphor of bird a little bit better at first. Some of the metaphors you use are birdlike and some aren't, and I think, metaphorically and poetically speaking, it would be much more powerful if you were to be more consistent.
I also think that it might be good to tie the metaphor to the bird looking at the screen a bit better... like, I get what you mean (the bird represents freedom and independence) but it's still a bit odd visually to think of a bird chained to a screen. Like, if you could connect that image a bit better to make it seem more logical, I think it would work better as a poem.
I hope that helps! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
Hello! It’s CATS here to leave a review! Let’s splash in, shall we?
It’s always poetry that catches my attention lollll
The comparison is amazing. I’ve always dreamt of being a bird, being free to fly wherever I pleased.
The descriptions are so vivid and is easy for the reader to understand and picture. It leaves it up to the reader to wonder about the poem long after they are done, like what is the screen and the chair?
My favourite line is “a bird who can fly in fictional, shattered worlds.”
I think maybe doing “a bird who can fly in fictional, shattered realms,” would make it more ancient and even better! Just a suggestion from me.
Overall this poem is full of thoughts and wonder, and I loved it!
Keep writing and happy everything!
Love,
CATS :3
I agree, the word "realms" would probably add a lot more mystique and fantasy around it. Thanks for your feedback!!
No problem! This was such a a great read!
Hi! This poem is incredibly emotional. I really enjoyed reading it. I'm really bad at reviews, so a lot of this will be nonsense. Sorry about that. I think this poem is beautiful. I loved the use of the rhetorical question 'Is she dead inside?'. It makes it so much more emotional to me. I also love all the imagery of birds (which matches the title), and how it adds that extra detail that makes this poem so excellent. I don't really have anything else to say, but this is really good. Keep up your incredible work!
Thank you for your feedback!