z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

That Dream

by kryptonianmenace


I ache.

I ache because I worry.
I worry about you.

Do you feel the split in your soul when you get called “she,” too?
Do you feel like clawing off any part of you that’s too feminine?

I’ll be honest, maybe I’m projecting.
But I feel like I can’t reconcile femininity with myself,
And maybe you feel that way, too -
I see me in you.

I’ll be honest,
A selfish part of me wants you to be like me.
Wants someone who can relate.

But the other part of me hopes to god that you’re comfortable in your gender -
Because I’m not and I know how much it hurts.

I have hopes for you -
That you may know yourself well.
That you may be comfortable in your skin.
That you may be accepted no matter what.

And I’ll be here for you through it all.

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935 Reviews

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Sun Jan 31, 2021 8:39 pm
Shady wrote a review...



Heya kryptonianmenance,

Shady here with a review for you this fine Review Day, courtesy of the Imposters ;) I was intrigued by the description of this poem and am really looking forward to reading it! Let's get started...

I ache.

I ache because I worry.
I worry about you.

Do you feel the split in your soul when you get called “she,” too?
Do you feel like clawing off any part of you that’s too feminine?


Oh wow. You went STRAIGHT to the feels with this poem, and I absolutely love it. Like, I knew what the theme was, but the "split in your soul" was really emotionally charged and worked SO WELL for this line. The next line also is really, really powerful with the "clawing off" imagery that you used. These are such powerful ways to convey these emotions and I'm honestly just super impressed with how hard two simple lines are able to hit.

I’ll be honest, maybe I’m projecting.
But I feel like I can’t reconcile femininity with myself,


These lines felt a little bit off? Like, the emotions you are expressing are still loud and clear and heartbreaking and <333 to you. But the "I'll be honest" here and a little later down feel a little jarring with the feel of the poem and kind of breaks me out of the flow and I don't love the impact that has? Maybe try rephrasing a bit?

I have hopes for you -
That you may know yourself well.
That you may be comfortable in your skin.
That you may be accepted no matter what.

And I’ll be here for you through it all.


This is SUCH a beautiful sentiment and I really love the way you expressed it here.

~ ~ ~

Overall, omg, this poem was absolutely incredible and SO impactful and you did an amazing job with it. Aside from it reading a little awkward in places, I couldn't find anything else at all to critique about it. It is clearly a very real, very raw poem and was handled very tactfully. It was really just a pleasure to read and review and I'm glad you posted it. ^-^

Hope this helped!

~Shady

And, the obligatory Schadenfreude and Fahrvergnügen in the spirit of review day ;)




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5 Reviews

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Fri Jan 22, 2021 12:40 am
NateAtNight says...



Dang. This isn't a review, but this hit haaaaaard. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.






I hope you liked it!



NateAtNight says...


Definitely!



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590 Reviews

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Wed Jan 20, 2021 10:28 pm
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Mageheart wrote a review...



It's really cool reading this and knowing that the poem was directed at me - and that it was probably inspired by the poem I wrote yesterday about my struggles with femininity. Even though our identities are different, this poem really did resonate with me. Part of that's probably because it was directed towards me, but you really do have a knack for writing poetry!

I ache.

I ache because I worry.
I worry about you.


I really liked this as the start to your poem. The repetition provided a seamless transition between the lines, while also giving the reader a perfect introduction to your feelings.

Do you feel the split in your soul when you get called “she,” too?
Do you feel like clawing off any part of you that’s too feminine?


I'm not entirely sure about the first one, but yes to that second part. It's so hard balancing the line between embracing my femininity and being comfortable in less feminine presentation, and the description of clawing off those feminine parts really drives that feeling home.

I’ll be honest,
A selfish part of me wants you to be like me.
Wants someone who can relate.


I'd always be happy to talk gender stuff with you. <3 <3

Also I love how powerful and simple these lines are! It gets the point across while also being poetic. Plus, it really ties into the title. I know that the title is probably a reference to when you got the idea for the poem, but it also fits how this poem is describing two different dreams you have: one of similarities, and one where things are safer and easier.

I have hopes for you -
That you may know yourself well.
That you may be comfortable in your skin.
That you may be accepted no matter what.

And I’ll be here for you through it all.


<3 <3 <3

I can't come up with any critical comments to make - this was a super sweet poem. Thank you so much for writing it and posting it on here Kon.






I'm glad you liked it!



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45 Reviews

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Wed Jan 20, 2021 9:23 pm
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yumi wrote a review...



It's only natural to feel as though you want someone to relate too-rest assured, you are far from the only person who feels less than comfortable in their own skin. I can't say I have that problem, so this ISN'T something I feel comfortable reviewing, given the sensitive nature of the topic and your feelings involved.
Given that I can't be the only one with this problem, I wish you had devolved just a bit deeper into the issues that you face-mentally and physically and socially- so I could better understand and empathize with you. But I understand that that might be too complex an issue to get into here.
I am so sorry you have to endure this.
transrefuge.org is a great support resource for you and anyone else who needs it, maybe you can find additionally needed support, resources and community there?
Have a great day :)






Thank you for the support resources!




History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
— Napoleon Bonaparte