This poem is based on a true happening. I guess I wanted to share it and express it this way. But I hope sooner I can make a narrative essay soon for the story behind this. Thank you for reading, in advance! :)
In the midst of silence,
There came a momentous occurrence;
My eyes suddenly met a child's blank stare.
His eyes glare straight at the vast, thin air,
As if his mind has been horribly stricken;
By fear, pain, or anger, I cannot tell.
That flash of moment is indeed too short,
To examine more what his eyes may exhort.
Disappearing from my sight, he left me asking, why?
Not a word ventured from his mouth;
Now twice I've seen him, but his lips stayed shut.
Stuck like a glue even if I tried conversing,
Not one sound of his reached my hearing.
A simple nod, a forced little smile,
His name and face is all I know about.
But the language of his eyes remained a question;
His silent cries seem to remain hidden.
Behind the sparkle of the mirror to the soul,
I know there's so much more that isn't told.
This peculiar moment led my mind's wheels to turning;
Painting the endless possibilities of what the eyes may conceal.
The language of the eyes can mostly be compromised,
Because most rely on merely words said and actions done.
But in the absence of sound and voicing out of words,
Looking deeper into one's eyes we may surprisingly uncover;
Loud emotions and expressions that are invisible to the naked eye,
Waiting to be noticed and heard at the same time.
Because sometimes the eyes can speak louder
Than what the lips can ever voice out and utter.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I really love the theme of your poem because I can relate to is so well. There are just words that don't exist to express what you want to say sometimes. And sometimes the emotion displayed in people's eyes cannot be written in human language.
I'm glad a read it, in fact.
I don't really have anything to specifically complain about in this poem. I think in a narrative form it would be neat and I'd like to read it. It's a good poem, not ridiculously mind-blowing, but I did enjoy reading it a lot
Please write the narrative!
Great poem, good use of metaphors keep up the good work.
Hey, Long Time I Haven't Been Reviewing Stuff. So Let Me Get This To You.
First Of All A GREAT START! LOVED THE LINES
"In the midst of silence,
There came a momentous occurrence;"
"My eyes suddenly met a child's blank stare.
His eyes glare straight at the vast, thin air,"
These Lines Need A Bit Of Polishing.
"As if his mind has been horribly stricken;
By fear, pain, or anger, I cannot tell."
Horribly STRICKEN. Try changing the word stricken. The last line is great.
"That flash of moment is indeed too short,
To examine more what his eyes may exhort."
First line needs some editing.
"Disappearing from my sight, he left me asking, why?''
You can italicize the why. So that it looks much better,
REGARDS
Hey there! I'm Onyx from KotGR and I will be reviewing your poem today.
Comments
Great job, there is a lot of passion throughout the poem. I like it a lot as well as the detail in which you use to explain the poem. Just a few things I would like to point out, nothing big. For the most part, I saw nothing wrong.
I like this a lot, don't know why but I just do.
Are you saying that "why" is what is being asked? If so, I would maybe italicize it. If not, keep it as it is.
Here I would not put the comma between "louder" and "than" because it does not seem right. I could totally be wrong. Ha-
Over all
As I said, you did a great job. I like it a lot. If you have any questions about why I said something or changed something. Feel free to send me a private message.
~Knight Onyx
Hi krizshelbenalycabral, Dream with quick review on your poem.
Through the title of the poem, it provides an initial overview of the content you will write. Language of eyes, a good selection of subject and be molded into something poetical to read.Your poem tells the story of what actually may granted by the eye itself to us. It is the 'language of the eyes' which is cryptic and we can only guess / without being able to fathom.
You also talk to the reader using as a 'first person' to give your points about the language of the eyes.
You're talking about the eyes as the main subject and then give an abstract space of what we can see when looking into someone's eyes. Then you delivers it in the form of poetry with also use some language styles.
e.g;
Some diction you use may be a bit confusing but overall it's okay. Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers.