A cosmic irony (edited)

 This part is inspired from something I wrote when I was a teenager. The coffee shop scene is based on real life events. I am not a native speaker so I might have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. Feel free to point them out! Thank you for reading!

Enjoy!

Eon was the most familiar face in the crowd. As he would always be, between any face and at any crowd. Conolyn would recognise him among countless faces, even at a great distance. She would recognise him even if he had grown old and weary. Even if he had his whole face reconstracted and couldnt speak. She knew from the first day she met him. When she first saw him, she loved him. It wasn't something that could be helped. Conolyn had no choice or a say in it.

When he noticed her, not as surprised as expected, she looked at him and smiled. She didn't smile much lately and it felt like it was forced out of her. It emerged from the rememberance of her old heartbreak. It was nothing more than a hessitant movement, lifting the corners of her meaty lips.

She had the need to feel every inch of her body. She wanted to become one with the eratic movement of the blood in her veins and the suddenly jumpy pace of her heart, even with the tainted air of the ship's exhaust, that rose out of the funnel and filled her lungs.

The sight of him stroke a chord within her. Until this momment Conolyn thought she would never see him again. She wanted to capture this image and cage it inside her mind, as pure as it was now before her. She made no sound, just stood there still and afraid. Afraid to move or speak. Afraid to breathe, as if the scene before her was made out of fumes and smoke. As if with the slightest change it would difuse into the atmosphere and turn into transperent, thin air.

At that brief momment Conolyn recalled every single thing he had ever said to her. But first of all the rainy evening, over two years ago, one of those so rare in Greece.

She recalled the scent of the misty dirt and the perfumes escaping from the chimneys that smelled like freshly baked christmass treats . Conolyn relived it all: the sunshine that managed to escape from the clouds to warm her face that day, the discreet shades of the trees, the sounds, the remaining taste of scotch whiskey in the tip of her tongue, the traffic and the rambling around them.And of course the people. Narrow and dilusive as always, all of them so happy, cheerful. It was Christmas after all.

For a momment the dark and humid scenery from the deck became distant and she found herself in the small coffeeshop in acropolis, under the view of the parthenon.They were drinking their morning coffee together after a very long night.

Up to that momment he had been staring at her silently all morning with great devotion. It almost made her uncomfortable.

"Where would you rather be?" he asked out of nowhere.

"What?" She said and her tone seemed confused

“ I would rather be with her as always." he said and looked down. He always missed her. "Where would you rather be than here?” he said and she tried her best to hide her dissapiontment. He tried not to mention her name when he was with Conolyn, knowing the feelings she harboured. However that wasn't of much help to her.

Conolyn tried to think of a place she liked in order to give a less embaracing answer than the cliche truth that went something like “There is nowhere I d rather be but here with you”.

She thought of her former friend's boat that she spent most of her summer vacation in. “That would be an acceptable answer I guess.” she thought but when she began to speak, he stoped her.

“You are going to say the boat aren't you?” it almost didn't surprise her anymore. It always made her feel closer to him when he read her mind like that. “How can you know someone you just met so well? ” Conolyn asked.

“That's the thing,You can't! You and I are a kind of cosmic irony.”Conolyn smiled in amusement. It was ironic.“We are this “meant to be” shit we spent all our lives mocking. And against all odds, it happened to us!” They laughed. “It is kind of wonderful you know” he said and smiled in a childish and playful manner that made her wonder when she had stopped smiling like that.

He kept staring at her, with this look full of meaning almost making her uncomfortable again. Connolyn tried to relax. She was probably looking at him like that too without realising, as it often happened between them the past few days. He had the most relaxed eyes, they were barely blinking under his golden brown curles. Conolyn noticed a provocative smirk on his face.

“What?” she asked in a pretended irritation.

"Lately I catch myself wishing I had met you a year ago, in the island, when Sandy invited me.”

“Maybe you should have. I had a great tan that year.” She tried to joke around about it and cheer up the conversation a little, avoiding the seriousness of the momment.

Eon chuckled and bit his lip “Man, you would be all.." he chocked the rest of the sentence and made a gesture while thinking, trying to materialise his own thought “you know, you would be all you. All perfect for me, and hot, and sharp like a fucking knife and all.” he continued. “You have no idea how long I ve been looking for a girl like you” he started saying and then stoped to think about it. “You. You have no idea how long I ve been looking to find you.” he sighed “I could be happy.” for a fraction of time she smiled and her eyes shone with warmth.

“But you fell in love with someone else before finding me.” He nodded. She paused for a while looking down with a bitter smile.

Conolyn felt like looking into a mirror every time she looked into Eon's eyes. Like he was the reflection of everything she was, everything she was meant to be. Maybe the answer to this cosmic joke was in the mirror between them.

"Maybe we are not meant to be happy. Maybe we are just meant to be two very sad and horny friends that can never fuck each other" she replied still looking down, trying to force a laugh out of her. But nothing came out.

“Maybe” he said and leered at her insistently. He reached his hand and lifted her chin forcing her to look at him. “With eyes like that you ought to look at people . You have nothing to be afraid of." she shook her head

"You have no idea" she said like she had a knot tied in her throat.

"You have strong eyes. Use them. Look at everyone straight in the eye. Without shame. Look at them like they owe you. Like the whole world owes you”

Eon stayed with his face close to hers, hoping she would make the move he was so hardly resistin. At the same time he wondered if she would get upset and leave.

Conolyn didn't do either of these. She took her tobacco patch out of her oversized jacket's pocket and rolled two cigarettes. She placed one on her lips and one at Eon's and lighted them with a match. She took a long draw of smoke and held it in before exhaling. "I know you owe me something."

He chocked a laugh.

"Don't kick me when I m down" he let out a sigh and without taking his eyes off of her he said "Not kissing you the other night was one of the hardest things I ever had to do"

She looked at him, straight in the eye, without hiding "Will you just quit it and give me a hug already?"

He wanted to. But he couldn't. He was afraid that she would break. He was afraid that he might break. Both of them so fragile and yet so sharp. Like pieces of broken glass. Besides, how can you fully embrace your own reflection?

Eon felt obligated to keep himself safe for the girl who was waiting for him at home. Whose name he was avoiding to mention. He wouldn't allow himself to be anyone else's. He really did love that girl with all his heart. That was why he was afraid of Conolyn. She already owned him. Even if he never offered himself to her. Even if she never tried to conquer him in the first place. He was hers already. A part of him would always be with her and he felt like he wasn't all of him before they met. Never in his life had he seen someone so fitting to him. Identical to him. For a moment he felt a deep fear. It was the kind of fear that always accompanies the inability to explain things in life, the incapability to control our fate.

"I can't" he said. "It will be difficult for me to stop"

Then he went down, paid for the coffee and took her for a walk, avoiding to touch her.

*******

His voice took her back to the rusty deck. “Hey” he said and she felt more relieved than worried that he was there. He had changed. Both of them had. It wasn't an obvious change, it couldn't be captured by the eye. They just weren't kids anymore. They were colder now, being all mature and grown. Conolyn remenised her old tears and felt a sweet nostalgia as she looked at him. Her first love. She was craving for the taste of her first pain again. Their old pain. A pain so subtle and intangible. So sweet and simple that it made her smile for a moment.

They were at a hug's distance now, in the deck of a warship, brought together again by the same cosmic irony, with far bigger problems than the inglorious ending of a love story. They realised now, this was never a problem. Their present pain was hollow and dry. It was as rough as navy ropes were on the palms of their hands. As deep as the sea beneath them.

Eon talked in a calm tone. “You have no idea how long I ve been looking to find you.” Conolynchuckled in the irony. He half smiled and nodded "Yeah,I guess some things never change" he added and they hugged, relieved to have each other's company in this rather hostile enviroment.

  Ever since that night, they were inseperable. They shared a deep, and untainted love. One that couldn't be contained in the body's craving for flesh. It gradually transformed into friendship, simply because what they felt for one another was too old and great to be anything less.