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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

Promethean Chronicles Book 1: Chapter 2

by kman134


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

The moon’s glow emanated in the sky with the stars twinkling brightly. A gift from Alora, the night-weaver and the Titaness who tended to the stars. I rode passed for about three miles, which was enough for the bandits to be unable to track us down as I looked back and saw the light of their wagon’s lamps slowly fade into the distance before turning back to the road. Arion was already exhausted and was about to pass out while I continued pressing the wound that bandit gave me. my tunic stained crimson red as my breathing grew heavier. I pulled his reins and directed him to the side of the road and into the grassy patch of land on the right. It was the perfect spot to rest and seemed like it was absent of any presence of bandits or wolves, which I assumed as I examined the vicinity around me. The two of us needed to rest hitherto morning to continue our trip.

I was growing even more tired. The loss of so much blood was making it worse and if I didn’t do something about it quick, then it would truly be the end of me. After I got off, my steed plopped on the ground and laid on the soil. His body nuzzling against the supposedly warm grass that basked in the sun’s glow.

After I finished setting up camp, I built a fire and then I grabbed a thread and a needle that I had tucked at the bottom, biting down onto some cloth while stitching up the wound. The procedure was much difficult with the blood seeping out and the discomfort growing worse. Once I was done, I reached over and grabbed one of the burning sticks before pressing it against the wound. This was the only way to prevent any infection and to seal the cut completely. The sheer pain of it all was enough to make me scream at the top of my lungs, causing Arion to lean up and stare at me. He probably assumed I was in trouble, but I confirmed that there was nothing to alarm before he went back to sleep.

My back laid against Arion’s stomach as I undid the strap of the steel shoulder blade on my right and removed my leather gloves. Arion huffed in response from my back on his abdomen. He never liked me using him as a pillow. The last time I did it, he got up and tried to trample me to death. However, he grew accustomed to it and learned to ignore it.

I then unsheathed my sword and held it tightly against my chest. Although I made sure that the area was clear, I still needed to keep my guard up in case if I was wrong. However, a lingering sense of doubt appeared that it would be effective in my sleep, but it was still comforting. The glow of the fire was quite soothing. Stretching my arms, I yawned while my eyelids grew heavier. When they closed, I felt myself drifting into slumber and into dreamland.

The dream shifted to several day back, I found myself walking across the muddy road with a large rucksack strapped to my bag. The weight slowed me down as I pressed forward. the trail was long and dark. The shattered moon being the only light emanating throughout the land as we traveled into the Silver Forest. No, not the one I was in in the present. This was from a long time ago. Legends had it that the Silver Forest was once belonged to the elves of old who would perform rituals of splendor and would dance nakedly under the moonlight. It was even said that the trees would shine like silver under the lunar glow, which was correct as I was enamored by the glistening illuminations of the leaves.

Following behind me was a brigade of 200 soldiers clad in armor and riding on horseback. The muddy soil slowed the brigade down as their horses trekked across the path, holding their brightly lit lanterns in the air to provide them some light through the trees. We had traveled for ten days south from the kingdom and we were already in enemy territory with us armed and ready for anything as we headed deeper into the forest.

“Keep your eyes peeled, men! The enemy will strike at any moment!” Shouted the old paladin riding up front beside me. His eyes furrowed while his gray mustache twitched. Waving his hand, he took up the lead while the other followed behind him.

Turning his attention, the paladin extended his arm to me. he ordered calmly, “Michael. Hand me my sword. We must be prepared for any oncoming threat if we are to survive this campaign.”

“Right away, Sir Stewart.”

I reached to the bag and gingerly unsheathed my master’s sword as I placed it in his palm. I said in recollection, “Rule 1 of a squire: always be on standby when your knight seeks your assistance.”

“That a boy, young squire. In the future, you will make a proper knight soon enough.” I smiled. I thanked my master as we both proceeded onward.

However, a loud chuckle was heard from behind. Trotting up to us, a young man with red hair grinned and glared at us. “If you keep coddling your squire, Stewart, he will never be a proper knight. Then again, being from such a lowly peasant family, I doubt he would be a knight at all.” His red cape, which was made from the finest silk from the elf-lands, flowed in the wind while his plated mithril armor rattled in rhythm with his horse’s footsteps.

I frowned and looked to the ground. The feeling of sadness swept over me, which slowed me down even more. Sir Stewart turned and sneered at his comrade.

“Bite your tongue, Sir Richard! Just because you come from a noble family, that does not mean you possess such foresight to decide this boy’s fate!”

“How dare you?! You might be friends with my father, but when he hears of your disrespect, he’ll…”

“He’ll what? Don’t forget, I have seniority over you, whelp! Besides, your father would actually thank me for teaching you some manners.” Sir Richard was about to retort. However, his mouth remained shut, being unable to say anything as he backed out of the argument. “Know this. it is not the blood that makes the warrior, but his will and strength in the battlefield.”

After that debacle was over, Sir Stewart trotted away from the rest of the group with his squire following. He did not notice the hateful sneer Sir Richard was giving him as they rode away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was already midnight and the shattered moon had already disappeared in the sky. The brigade had already stopped and decided to set up camp for the night before continuing their journey. Since there were no impending threats, it was better to get some rest and be ready for tomorrow. The men had set up their tents and once they finished, the knights huddled around the campfire, sharing laughs and telling stories while the spear men and the pike men stood on guard, changing shifts between the hours. Hovering over the fire was a large steel pot filled with a thick brown broth that was already about to boil over. The knights grabbed their bowls and got in line as the cook plunged the ladle into the soup and filled each bowl to the brim.

I carried my wooden bowl and carefully walked over to the other side of the camp without spilling a single drop. Suddenly, someone stuck their own foot in my way, causing me to fall to the ground. My dinner spilt all over with the broth soaking into the ground while the potatoes and carrots scattered in front of me.

“Oops. I guess your master never taught you to watch where you’re going, huh? I suppose you’ll just have to sleep hungry, which is something a peasant like you is quite used to.”

I looked up and growled. Standing over me was Sir Richard flashing a condescending grin while he and two other knights chuckled in amusement. Clenching my hands, I wanted to bash my fists into the arrogant knight’s teeth, but I merely took a deep breath and brushed the incident off. This was the same treatment they have been giving me for the past 10 days, which I had grown accustomed too. At least Sir Stewart doesn’t lower himself to their level. I stood back up and grabbed my bowl, ignoring Sir Richard’s laughter as I continued walking over to the other side where I met other squires that were of my age and dressed in the same white tunic and brown trousers as me.

They all turned and look at me but turned back and resumed socializing with one another. I sauntered in and plopped down next to them. Although I had been walking with them, I never had the chance to talk to them. I stared at the empty bowl in my hands and sighed. I thought that I was going to starve the entire night, but I was shocked when my bowl was suddenly filled halfway.

“There you go. I hope that’s enough for you.”

Sitting beside me was a young woman with mocha-hued skin, hazel eyes, and long curly black hair. My face turned red as she leaned in closely. However, the one thing I found off were the blisters on the girl’s knuckles, making me think that she performed harsh fisticuffs during her training.

Taking a sip, I sighed from the hearty taste of the soup before wiping the trail from my lips. I smiled and shyly averted my eyes. “T-thank you. I’m Michael Andrews, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Nia Simone.”

She extended her hand and smile. I grasped it and complied to the gesture. “You know, I have never met someone like you before.”

“Why? Because I’m a woman and because I’m of a different color of skin?” she arched a brow before pulling back. It was true. Among the squires, only three were women, which was something uncommon as including women in the Teradorian army was relatively new. To top it off, she was the only one with such features associated with the people of the Southern Islands.

Pursing my lips, I became nervous and waved my hand nonthreateningly while correcting myself. “N-no! it’s not because of that! W-what I meant was…”

Then she giggled. This caused the tension between the two of us to die down, causing me to be even more confused than before. “I’m just messing with you, Michael. It’s not much of a big deal. I tend to get that a lot.”

“Let me guess. It was Sir Richard, wasn’t it?”

I nodded. My brow furrowed as I seethed in irritation. “I wanted to beat the shit out of him. What in Ordfruma’s name is wrong with that snob? Doesn’t he realize that all the knights are nobles yet thinks he is better than everyone.”

“It’s because his family is closer to the throne than any of the other nobles. As a result, he treats those as beneath him.”

“I feel sorry for the squire who has to serve him.”

That was when Nia’s head lowered while she grimaced. After putting two and two together, I chuckled lightly. “Oh. S-sorry about that. What are the odds you would be his squire?”

“Well, it’s not like I had a choice in the matter. My family were servants to his family and they thought that by convincing that pampered prince to take me up as his page, then it would give my family better living arrangements while he and his family appear as 'saints' and 'Progressivists' in the eyes of the masses.” Nia pinched the bridge of her eyes. Then she leaned back and sighed, feeling her frustrations resurfacing from the pit of her abdomen. “Next thing you know it, I’ve spent seven years waiting on Sir Richard hand and foot, which was no different than what I was doing before. Also, don’t get me started on how grabby he was getting after I blossomed.”

“Wow. Now I’m really sorry for you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I got used to it.”

Nia and I laughed at one another’s remarks. An innocent spark forming between us as we gaze at each other. Unfortunately, it was interrupted when one of the soldiers walked in and told us to hit the hay. Everyone groaned as we didn’t want to sleep, but we begrudgingly complied and motioned over to our sleeping quarters.


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Thu Sep 06, 2018 1:58 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Hi there!

I have a love/hate relationship with the detail in this story. On the one hand, you use it to paint some beautiful description, like that of the moon and the stars. On the other hand, the detail at the start - about Michael collecting firewood &etc - bogs the story down early in this chapter, and I'm left without much of a sense of danger despite the fact that the narrator is currently wounded and sleeping out in the open. On the other other hand, you made good use of detail when you described Michael cauterizing his own wound, which is pretty horrific.

Just ask yourself what details are most important and which best create tension and drive the story forward. We don't really need to get all this detail about Michael building a fire. You can just go, "I built a fire and then..." and get into the more important/horrible detail of Michael cauterizing his own wound, which is more dramatic and adds more to the story and tells us more about Michael as a person.

Is the dream just a dream or an actual memory of Michael's? I imagine it's an actual memory, but the description of it as a dream threw me off. Additionally, it doesn't feel like a dream at all; it's too put-together, and how often do people have clear, cohesive dreams about things that have really happened to them?

It also threw me to have a scene break in the middle of the dream/memory. As @Mea said, I expected at the scene break to find Michael waking up, but instead the dream/memory continued. If you're determined to keep this entire dream/memory then I think the scene break needs to go so readers don't get confused. Instead, you could use a transition like "the dream shifted to several days later" or "later that night" or something like that.

On Nia:

1. Is it actually necessary for Michael to tell us he notices the size of her chest? Like I realize he's a hetero dudebro and he might notice that detail right away, but as a cis female reader it just made me roll my eyes like "of course this is almost the first thing he notices about her."

2. Where exactly are we? Because from the title and some of the details, the names Michael Andrews and Nia Simone threw me off because they weren't the kinds of names I expected. Also, Nia Simone made me think immediately of Nina Simone.

Ew, Nia is the mean knight's squire?! That sucks. She's far too good for him. I admit I'm astonished women are actually allowed to be squires - and, presumably, knights - in this world. I'm even more astonished Sir Jerkwad would actually take on a woman squire, but maybe he didn't have any more choice in the matter than she did. That's just something to consider - why he, of all people, would consent to having a woman for a squire. It doesn't need much explanation in the story, but it's something I'm curious about because of his attitude toward peasants. He doesn't seem like a forward thinking guy, you know? So if I saw an aside in the story about him being forced to take her on for some reason, the same way she was forced to be his squire, that would help me out.

Alternatively, there could be something he wants from her, and that's why he took her on. But the only things I could think Sir Jerkwad would want are all unsavory things, so I don't like to think about that possibility.




kman134 says...


The reason Sir Richard takes her in is out of tolkinism since Taking in a squire who is a peasant and a woman would make him and his family look humble and altruistic.



BluesClues says...


That makes sense as long as it's clear that the society you've set up cares about that kind of thing! Because I definitely don't associate feudal societies with caring much about representing marginalized groups in any fashion, so you'd just want to strongly hint at that so readers understand. But I love that you have answer for that!



kman134 says...


You are welcome. Also, it's not like they care about it but if a noble is doing it and promotes it, then others would follow and the popularity would make Sir Richard's family more influential. you know, typical demagogue tactics. Since the Kingdom of Teradore has being going through some political change, slowly shifting away from feudalism for a more central monarchical government, allowing women into the military to increase efficiency in numbers, and making improvements in plumming, it would make since the nobles would get in on it for their own benefit but still with some feudal policies in place like serfdoms and knighthood. This is explained in chapter 3.

On Nia, the chest thing was more of an inside joke on Michael's youthfulness and sexual curiosity being a boy in puberty but i might need to fix that. also, her name comparison to singer Nina Simone is a total coincidence. i was running out of names and wrote whatever popped into my head.

the story takes place in the fantasy world of Terra, on the continent of Promethea where magic and monsters exist and humans are typically fending in their need for survival (stated in the first chapter).

hopefully these answer your questions.



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Thu Sep 06, 2018 4:43 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey, kman. I know you've been posting these on my wall and I haven't been reviewing them because I haven't had the time to add another novel to my list to follow, but now that it's Review Month I can do a bit more, so here I am.

Overall, your prose is really quite good in terms of description and saying what people are doing. It definitely paints a picture in my head, and although you spend a lot of time just describing what he's doing without dialogue, I was able to follow the chain of events easily.

“He’ll what?! Don’t forget, I have seniority over you, whelp! Besides, your father would actually thank me for teaching you some manners!”

I'd say your dialogue is your weak spot, especially here. This particular sentence just felt over-the-top to me, in part because I don't really think you need exclamation points at the end of each sentence. Remember, the words you use for dialogue can say a lot about the person's mental state on their own. You often don't need fancy punctuation or descriptors to show how the person is feeling if you've written good dialogue.

Let's talk about the flashbacks for a minute.

Right now, one thing I would definitely recommend is to not have two separate flashback scenes right after the other. It's natural for the reader to assume when a flashback scene ends that the next scene will be back in the present, particularly since the chapter started in the present, and so it took me a minute to realize that we were still in the flashback, and you don't want your readers to have to do that.

The other reason I'd recommend not doing that is simply this: flashbacks are tricky. A lot of readers don't like them unless there's a good reason for their existence, because flashbacks don't further the plot of the overall story. Instead, they put it on hold and start telling a different story, one that many readers feel like they already know how it will end, because they know the character is there in the present, even if they don't know the details. Because of that, I'd highly recommend limiting the amount of time you spend in flashbacks, particularly at the beginning of the story when the reader is only just getting to know the plot and the character. Drop hints about the character's past, make us curious about what exactly has happened to him, and only then give us the flashbacks, and in small doses.

And I think that's all I've got! As far as the substance of the flashback, that was good - my main qualm is about where you're placing them in the narrative and whether to include them at all. Good luck, and keep writing!




kman134 says...


Thanks. also, there's a good reason why I placed the flashback and gave it such length mostly to give a better insight in Michael's life and what occurred before his travels in the first chapter.



Mea says...


I know that's why you want the flashback, and that is a reason for its existence, but that doesn't mean it needs to be placed right here in the narrative in chapter two. I think it would be better if it was more of a mystery for longer, so the readers have time to be curious, rather than having the plot suddenly stop dead for backstory. The question you want to ask yourself is not just "why am I putting this here", it's "why, out of everything else I could write here, is the the best scene to write for this point in the story."



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Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:05 pm
kman134 says...



A/N: Hey, guys. this is kman134 with a new chapter of Promethean Chronicles. The second chapter is a flashback chapter to explain more of Michael's life and how he became the knight he is now, which is sad and traumatic. There might be a few problems with the chapter and I might need some help with it. so, if you like, could you provide some suggestions and tell me how to fix it.




kman134 says...


Also, I made a couple of changes to both the first and second chapter. so, you might want to read the first chapter again before reading the second.




The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
— Stanislaw Jerszy Lec